lazy husband

Gloomendoom

pigpen wrote: »

Please may I borrow her??????

Ha ha! It used to annoy my ex no end. She took it as a slight to her own housekeeping abilities. I couldn't see the problem.

Give him a list of stuff which you have agreed with him.. he isn't lazy he is just a man.. unless they have an actual direct instruction they are incapable of independant thought when it comes to the practicalities of running a home and dressing children.

Maybe leave the children their clothes out the night before?

I'd have him doing all sorts.. and no reason he shouldn't he lives there too!

This is so true. If you want us to do something, give us a direct instruction. Don't expect us to do it out of instinct, 'common sense', or because we 'should have known'. In most cases it just won't happen.

Tish_P

The military used to be made entirely of men and they managed to be extremely clean and neat there. Ever heard the word "shipshape?"
I don't like this "oh, men can't see dirt" thing. It's insulting to good men and gives bad ones an excuse.

pozalina

I have a similar problem. I work much longer hours than my oh but was still doing the lion's share of chores. What I realised was that I had to:

1. decide what things bothered me the most and deal with those. I can live with a messy living room/dining room if the kitchen is clean and tidy, for e.g. I asked him to try and keep kitchen clear as 'it makes it hard for me to do the boys' dinner' otherwise.

2. notice when he did do something, rather than focusing on all the things he hadn't done (that I would've done if I'd been home).

3. Decide not to let the mess stress me out and do what I can, focusing on one room at a time.

4. Stop waiting until I was really annoyed about it to address it with him (as you're much more likely to sound like a nagging wife by then!)

As regards washing if you can quickly put on a load of washing before you leave for work he might well hang it out? My oh does this but wouldn't always think to put a load on himself.

Hope you can get things to a point where you're feeling better about the situation.

skylight

pigpen wrote: »

Please may I borrow her??????

Oi! Shove over. I want to borrow her first!

pigpen

skylight wrote: »

Oi! Shove over. I want to borrow her first!

tough I asked first.

I wouldn't take it as a sleight on my housekeeping abilities.. I hate housework I even offered my neat freak ocd sister money to do it ..

Gloomendoom

Tish_P wrote: »

The military used to be made entirely of men and they managed to be extremely clean and neat there. Ever heard the word "shipshape?"
I don't like this "oh, men can't see dirt" thing. It's insulting to good men and gives bad ones an excuse.

That is true, but the men actually doing the cleaning were ordered to do so. They had no choice in the matter and were told exactly what was expected of them.

Tish_P

Yes, exactly! Men clean just as well as women if there's a cultural expectation that they will do so and and they're taught (or brought up to know) how. It's not that there's something inherently wrong with men's eyes or brains that means they are blind to bathtub rings and mugs of green furry ex-coffee, as people often seem to be suggesting in this kind of discussion.

sjc3

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Muggins? Some mothers enjoy it.

My mother is one such person. When she visits, we have to practically tie her to the sofa to stop her tidying, cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, dressmaking, decorating etc.

Im sure some women do love being domestic. Mother in law didn't have her own business to run or want a life of her own out of the house, seeing friends and enjoying hobbies. If all you have to enjoy is housework you have little imagination and lead a very boring life, imho. But if that suits you then fine. If it doesn't there is nothing wrong with saying to your oh that chores must be shared or hired help obtained.

pupsicola

sjc3 wrote: »

Im sure some women do love being domestic. Mother in law didn't have her own business to run or want a life of her own out of the house, seeing friends and enjoying hobbies. If all you have to enjoy is housework you have little imagination and lead a very boring life, imho. But if that suits you then fine. If it doesn't there is nothing wrong with saying to your oh that chores must be shared or hired help obtained.

I think we all lead much busier lives now than in our parents and grandparents day. Financial constraints mean that both the man and woman need to work full time. So running the home, doing the housework and all the other chores should be much more of a shared thing. There is way more to life than working and housework.

sueeve

My husband did little in the house when we were both working full time
But
He kept the cars in good repair, including servicing, did the decorating to a good standard, moved sockets when I wanted, always did the loft climbing and so on. So I felt it reasonable that I did the cooking etc. Horses for courses. Is he doing anything useful in the homemaking line with the nuts and bolts?