lazy husband

p_joker

I know you can't change a person but can anyone offer any advice on the subject of a lazy husband?
In all other ways he's great, he's a loving husband and father but the one thing that causes arguments is the lack of help around the house, neither of us work full time we have to work round each other so we both end up working about the same hours between us but I'm thinking of stopping my job because I am fed up of the mess when I come home. On a Wednesday both our sons go to nursery all day so if I have the day off I will give the house as much of a clean as I can but if I am at work he does nothing, The breakfast and lunch dishes stay in the sink all day, he would never do any ironing or put a wash on. If he dresses the kids in the morning sometimes he puts the wrong clothes on them so my eldest ends up going out in trousers to short for him and my husbands doesn't have a clue!. Its not so much the fact tho that he doesn't do house work its more that he makes more mess, he's using our kitchen as a work shop at the moment there is metal and nuts and bolts and all sorts everywhere and when i say Im fed up with the mess he says stop going on and having a go.

pinkshoes

Hire a cleaner?

ameliarate

p_joker wrote: »

I know you can't change a person but can anyone offer any advice on the subject of a lazy husband?
In all other ways he's great, he's a loving husband and father but the one thing that causes arguments is the lack of help around the house, neither of us work full time we have to work round each other so we both end up working about the same hours between us but I'm thinking of stopping my job because I am fed up of the mess when I come home. On a Wednesday both our sons go to nursery all day so if I have the day off I will give the house as much of a clean as I can but if I am at work he does nothing, The breakfast and lunch dishes stay in the sink all day, he would never do any ironing or put a wash on. If he dresses the kids in the morning sometimes he puts the wrong clothes on them so my eldest ends up going out in trousers to short for him and my husbands doesn't have a clue!. Its not so much the fact tho that he doesn't do house work its more that he makes more mess, he's using our kitchen as a work shop at the moment there is metal and nuts and bolts and all sorts everywhere and when i say Im fed up with the mess he says stop going on and having a go.

Oh I wish I could .................. I found that following discussion asking him to take on certain specific tasks made me feel a bit better even though the split isn't fair. In our case he cooks most evenings, for example, and does most of the dog walking. I would go for things that either can't be put off or that won't irritate you if they are not done. Washing up after meals if you have cooked. If he doesn't do it don't cook for him, say there are no clean pots. Sometimes you have to accept there will be an unfair split.

sjc3

Mmmmm tricky. I can see how you find his lack-lustre when it comes to housework and running a home aggravating. Especially as you both work similar hours.

My hubby and I both work long hours. I am based at home and it was getting kind of expected that I would juggle my job, do the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, shopping etc etc.

I had it out with him and told him straight that I am his equal, his wife not his mother and either he mucked in and helped or we needed to hire extra help. Came as a bit of a shocker to him as he has an old fashioned italian mama who apparently "did the lot" and made it look easy. Good for her, what a muggins.

I found out how much it would cost for a cleaner, someone to send the ironing out to, gardener etc etc. When he realised the costs he agreed to work with me on it. He still isn't perfect but he knows if jobs get left and I am the one doing the lot his bank balance gets walloped. And his a"^*

annakat99

write down a list of jobs that need doing every day / week / month.
Sit down & discuss them (over a bottle of wine) & decide who's going to do what.
Stick to it!

Some people can't see what needs doing even if it's in fromt of their face! At least if you've spoken about it & written it down he has no excuse!

Fang_3

Hire a cleaner and take their wages from his.

Kimberley82

Fang wrote: »

Hire a cleaner and take their wages from his.

Brilliant idea

mrs_marty

An electric cattle prod maybe lol Either that sit him down and explain before you blow up and your point loses validity

Gloomendoom

sjc3 wrote: »

Came as a bit of a shocker to him as he has an old fashioned italian mama who apparently "did the lot" and made it look easy. Good for her, what a muggins.

Muggins? Some mothers enjoy it.

My mother is one such person. When she visits, we have to practically tie her to the sofa to stop her tidying, cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, dressmaking, decorating etc.

pigpen

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Muggins? Some mothers enjoy it.

My mother is one such person. When she visits, we have to practically tie her to the sofa to stop her tidying, cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing, dressmaking, decorating etc.

Please may I borrow her??????

Give him a list of stuff which you have agreed with him.. he isn't lazy he is just a man.. unless they have an actual direct instruction they are incapable of independant thought when it comes to the practicalities of running a home and dressing children.

Maybe leave the children their clothes out the night before?

I'd have him doing all sorts.. and no reason he shouldn't he lives there too!

barbiedoll

Soemtimes, with men, you have to be very, very specific about what you want them to do. Just ranting about the "mess" (which he probably can't even see!) is just not specific enough. Same with dressing the kids. As far as he is concerned, the kids have clothes on, job done.

You should get him to agree to maybe sticking to a list that you have left for him on his days at home. Don't just write "tidy living room", his idea of tidy is probably completely different to yours. Instead, write something like: "Pick up magazines, clothes and cups/plates from living room floor. Dust living-room and then vacuum". It's a set of clear, concise instructions and don't forget to add things like "thanks" and put a kiss at the end or whatever you think he will like.

Tell him the kitchen is for food preparation and consumption only, it's not for nuts. bolts and tools. If he still leaves everything lying around in the kitchen, get one of those big plastic boxes and dump his stuff in there and move it outside or at least into a corner. Tell him this is non-negotiable, and that you have to think of the hygiene aspect.

Be nice, he may not be lazy, more that mess doesn't bother him. My friend is a bit of a slob and she drives her husband mad with the mess at her place so it's not just men who are untidy!