Stripper Opinions - but fear I may regret it.

Plans_all_plans

The secrecy would bother me: my husband and I both know each other's passwords and log ins for facebook, emails etc. Try not to jump to conclusions though, you need an open discussion with him to get to the bottom of what's troubling him. If you need a third party to 'mediate' then so be it. How do you think he'd respond to the idea of counselling?

Fang_3

RoxieW wrote: »

Another thing is, a lot of the messages on there had been deleted. Like I said, he's very secretive with things like that and I can't help but wonder that else he's been keeping to himself.

How do you know they've been deleted? More importantly perhaps if they have, he's doing that because he knows you snoop, and maybe that's because you know he can't trust you?

Rockporkchop

Roxie, I totally agree with you about the stripper but to me it's not about that. You are married to a complete @rse - when are you going to realise you deserve better?

MrsTinks

If you don't mind me saying... but it is coming across as you being very controlling, possessive and jealous... Not saying he doesn't have any faults (judging by other peoples responses you have already listed them elsewhere...) but getting to a point of wanting to shave his eyebrows off over him arranging a stag do and there possibly being strippers? Wow... I think I'd be in divorce court if I was that controlling of my husband... that's not to say he hasn't deserved your mistrust.... just that this is how it comes across in your post...

Plans_all_plans

Fang wrote: »

My point is that that is your issue. Not his. I had a quick look at your previous threads after another poster mentioned them and I think you both need counselling.

Actually Fang, if my husband has an issue: it becomes my issue too. Likewise if RoxieW has a problem with strippers then out of respect for her her husband should at the very LEAST discuss things with her and try to come to a mutually acceptable conclusion. Running off to get p1ssed in the pub just doesn't cut it.

And your comment about the family finances is a bit harsh in my opinion. Again, if he feels hard done by the thing to do is discuss the issue with his wife and find a solution that suits both of them. Sulking and acting out doesn't help anyone.

Tropez

It doesn't really matter what anyone here thinks about strippers or such male banter. Would it change your opinion if I said my partner took me to a strip club as a "birthday present"? I doubt it. The issue here is what you think about it. If you're opposed to your husband hiring strippers or going to a strip club, pole dancing club, Gentleman's club or whatever else, and for any reason, nothing anybody here is going to change your mind about it. After all, people have all different ideas about what is acceptable and what is not.

Personally, I think the stripper and banter is just a symptom of a clearly larger problem and the only way that problem is to be resolved is if you start talking about it with your husband and make it clear that childish behaviour is just going to exacerbate problems in the relationship. Life's too short to be upset and arguing and dealing with the childish tantrums of somebody else and only you can make a decision on whether a) it is worth trying to work things out and b) whether your husband will do it.

janninew

Fang wrote: »

My point is that that is your issue. Not his. I had a quick look at your previous threads after another poster mentioned them and I think you both need counselling.

Do you think his behaviour or moods could stem from the fact that you messed up the money side and he had to take responsibility for another aspect of your partnership? There are obvious trust issues here (what with your snooping) and I would guess that it stems from you showing him that he can't trust you with the family finances.

I'd also wager that his 'twisting arms' re the stripper won't be as bad as you think, because I think you're projecting your issues onto it and have read more into it than is there.

They are a married couple with children, her "issues" should be his as well!

dmg24

RoxieW wrote: »

Fang, I have an issue with the stripper - I'm not one of those girls that doesn't care about things like that. But what makes it worse is that he know that but was actively trying to arrange it. I can understand him going on a strip do and having to go along for the ride, but he was the one trying to twist everyone elses arm. The stag dos nothing to do with him, like I said.

Can you elaborate on why you have an issue with strippers? Your perceptions may (or may not) be inaccurate.

MrsTine wrote: »

If you don't mind me saying... but it is coming across as you being very controlling, possessive and jealous... Not saying he doesn't have any faults (judging by other peoples responses you have already listed them elsewhere...) but getting to a point of wanting to shave his eyebrows off over him arranging a stag do and there possibly being strippers? Wow... I think I'd be in divorce court if I was that controlling of my husband... that's not to say he hasn't deserved your mistrust.... just that this is how it comes across in your post...

I do agree with this.

Fang_3

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Actually Fang, if my husband has an issue: it becomes my issue too. Likewise if RoxieW has a problem with strippers then out of respect for her her husband should at the very LEAST discuss things with her and try to come to a mutually acceptable conclusion. Running off to get p1ssed in the pub just doesn't cut it.

And your comment about the family finances is a bit harsh in my opinion. Again, if he feels hard done by the thing to do is discuss the issue with his wife and find a solution that suits both of them. Sulking and acting out doesn't help anyone.

My point is - you don't know that he wouldn't have done that? You don't know how the OP brought it up, though by her choice of words I'd suggest that she didn't do it in a calm and ration manner.

I don't think my comment about the family finances is harsh. The OP had a responsibility and failed and her husband had to pick up the pieces. Quite a few posters are all ready to blame the husband here, but I don't think it's that simple.

Fang_3

janninew wrote: »

They are a married couple with children, her "issues" should be his as well!

Nonsense. You don't stop being an individual person the minute you get married. There are issues going deeper here than the mere suggestion of strippers.