Stripper Opinions - but fear I may regret it.

skintchick

For what it's worth, if my OH went to strip club it would be a divorcing issue, and he knows it. I don't see ogling other women for sexual titillation as 'harmless' or indeed 'fun' (theussual comment about such activity) and he knows it's a dealbreaker.

I don't think it's controlling to tell your husband/partner that you will be mortally offended and mightily p1ssed off if they go and look at scantily clad women with the intention of getting turned on - for me, that's part of the point of your marriage vows, 'forsaking all others'.

RoxieW

He's not arranging the stag do mrs tine. Someone else is and neither him nor the groom want strippers. He doesn't even know the guy that well, we're not even going to the wedding lol.
I have a problem with strippers as I have low self esteem stemming from past issues and I've been having counselling for it and doing really well. That aside, I just don't like the idea of a naked woman draping herself over my husband - other than me lol - and him enjoying it. In my eyes, if he wasn't paying her it'd be classed as cheating so why does money coming into it make any difference.
Since you bring up the money issue fang, yes my husband made a big issue of me messing up the finances - nothing major I should add, just general overspending here and there, by BOTH OF US. The punchline is that he's now in charge of the finances and getting increaidng frustrated because he's not managing to do much better.

meritaten

Roxie - reading your post you seem to think that the fact you do this, or that in the house, raising the kids, or how good you are as a wife has something to do with your OHs interest in a stripper? the one has absolutely NOTHING to do with the other! you could be Mrs Perfect but, if your OH likes to watch strange women strip - it has nothing to do with you! or how you measure up as a wife and mother! I dont like to generalise about men - but for some reason watching strange women strip and talking filthy, seems to be a culture thing which some men use to 'feel' macho. Its NOT a reflection on their wives!
but, taken with your last post - you really need to talk to your OH - You have problems and I would say that communication is the key here. But, please dont make this issue about YOU and your hurt feelings. I have to say this - I think that somehow your OH is feeling emasculated and that is why the interest in strippers............and if you havent always been 'in the mood' lately??????????? I could be wrong, but, I am starting to worry about your OH, and if he is feeling 'in charge' of his life.

Tish_P

Oh dmg, do tell us how strippers, and banter about "nailing" them, have nothing to do with the objectification of women! I could do with a laugh.

Plans_all_plans

Fang wrote: »

Exactly - your marriage. Every marriage is different. As are issues. There are some issues that would be like you say, but something like banter on facebook is not an issue for the marriage. It's an issue for someone deeply insecure because of something that they themselves have done.

Well I've not cheated on my husband, gone crazy with the family finances and nor do I have issues with insecurity in my relationship, but I can tell you now I would be seeing 'banter' on facebook of this nature as an issue for our marriage.

Fang_3

RoxieW wrote: »

He's not arranging the stag do mrs tine. Someone else is and neither him nor the groom want strippers. He doesn't even know the guy that well, we're not even going to the wedding lol.
I have a problem with strippers as I have low self esteem stemming from past issues and I've been having counselling for it and doing really well. That aside, I just don't like the idea of a naked woman draping herself over my husband - other than me lol - and him enjoying it. In my eyes, if he wasn't paying her it'd be classed as cheating so why does money coming into it make any difference.
Since you bring up the money issue fang, yes my husband made a big issue of me messing up the finances - nothing major I should add, just general overspending here and there, by BOTH OF US. The punchline is that he's now in charge of the finances and getting increaidng frustrated because he's not managing to do much better.

Given your OP I don't think anyone could accuse you of having low self esteem. Quite the opposite actually.

janninew

Lifes_Grand_Plan wrote: »

Not sure of the background of "other problems" you mentioned, but on this issue I would say that you need to chill out a little (from a blokes point of view).

Boys will be boys and strippers and stag nights go hand in hand. I had my stag do back in August last year, went to a few strip clubs, the lads paid for me to have a private dance... we had a laugh, got drunk, end of story.

The boys talk you saw is just that, just boys talking things up to look cool, banter between the lads.

At the end of the day, if he is going to cheat, he will cheat and you're better off without him. However from only what you've said above, I don't think he is going to cheat, just have a good night with his mates.

As for being secretive... might just be because he knew you'd react like this. A lot of the stuff the lads talk about, i'd never dream about discussing with my wife.....

Just out of interest (its always good to get a mans view!) would you mind you wife watching men dance naked and getting a private dance? Did you tell your wife? Lots of men I know have the attitude that boys will be boys, but would be horrified if their partners acted in the same way!

Fang_3

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Well I've not cheated on my husband, gone crazy with the family finances and nor do I have issues with insecurity in my relationship, but I can tell you now I would be seeing 'banter' on facebook of this nature as an issue for our marriage.

What if it wasn't on facebook and it was a discussion down the pub?

Plans_all_plans

It doesn't matter where it was Fang. If those words came out of my husband through the medium of speech, pen or keyboard I would think we were having issues in our relationship and I'd want to get to the bottom of them. It isn't an acceptable way to speak or behave in my opinion and it is not the way I know my husband to be, therefore it'd be a cause for concern.

dmg24

RoxieW wrote: »

He's not arranging the stag do mrs tine. Someone else is and neither him nor the groom want strippers. He doesn't even know the guy that well, we're not even going to the wedding lol.
I have a problem with strippers as I have low self esteem stemming from past issues and I've been having counselling for it and doing really well. That aside, I just don't like the idea of a naked woman draping herself over my husband - other than me lol - and him enjoying it. In my eyes, if he wasn't paying her it'd be classed as cheating so why does money coming into it make any difference.
Since you bring up the money issue fang, yes my husband made a big issue of me messing up the finances - nothing major I should add, just general overspending here and there, by BOTH OF US. The punchline is that he's now in charge of the finances and getting increaidng frustrated because he's not managing to do much better.

I can appreciate that you feel it is a judgment on you if your husband is looking at other women. I don't necessarily agree, but self esteem issues will overshadow more logical thinking. (I'm not having a dig, I know what it is like to have a poor self image.)

I have had a scan of your other threads, and it comes across that this is a tiny part of a far bigger issue. I really would try to put this aside until you can get some sort of external help, such as Relate or couples counselling through your GP.