Stripper Opinions - but fear I may regret it.

RoxieW

Ok guys
I fear posting this but need a sounding board and some perpective.
My OH has been distant and difficult for months. After a petty bust up this week I thought we'd made some headway and could get things back on track. Then he left his facebook page open and I saw a thread between him and a friend whet he was trying his best to arrange a gang of strippers for a distant friends stag do - one he hadn't even mentioned going on. The banter that I saw on there was disgusted and included 'nailing some strippers' etc etc - u can imagine the rest.
Now, I'm interested in other peoples perspectives on strippers but for me it makes my skin crawl. We've had this issue before when he went to a club on his own stag do but he said to me that he hated it, it wasn't worth upsetting me and blah blah blah.
Obviously he cares that much about my feelings that not only was he planning on going to the stag do which fair enough could see him railroaded into going to a strip club, he was actually doing his damdest to twist other peoples arms into it and had all the research and everything.
Where the hell am I going wrong? I do everything around the house, as per my last thread and get zero appreciation. I also work and contribute to the household finances. I'm a great mum to our lovely three kids and I like to think I'm a good wife too. I'm young, attractive and we have a good sex life. As far as I can see we have everything going for us but it seems he's trying his best to mess it up.
We've been together 11 years and I can see it unravelling before my eyes. In spite of everything I love him and value our family unit. I want my marriage to work for my sake, my husbands and our boys, but I don't know how much more I can, or should take

RoxieW

Just to add, I confronted him and he responded by going out and getting drunk. He's currently comotose on the sofa and I feel like shaving his eyebrows off,

RazWaz

RoxieW wrote: »

Just to add, I confronted him and he responded by going out and getting drunk. He's currently comotose on the sofa and I feel like shaving his eyebrows off,

Very tempted to tell you to do it

Tish_P

It isn't our opinions that matter, Roxie, it's yours! If you've made it clear to him that this upsets you, but he does it anyway and lies to you about it, that's deceitful and unkind. FWIW it would upset me too and I don't think I would stand for it, although I know couples differ.

Plans_all_plans

Oh, RoxieW I really feel for you!

Have you got any close family/friends you can talk to about this? I'd use that as your first port of call.

I'd also suggest Relate - from your past threads I feel that things could be heading in a downward spiral in your relationship and maybe counselling could help to turn that round before it's too late. Will he talk to you about your relationship? Does he say whether he's happy or not?

I too would be furious if I found out about strippers etc. I don't know what else to say to you, but best of luck.

Fang_3

I really wouldn't get worked up on the stripper 'issue'. I wouldn't go to watch one, but I can't say I would have a problem with anyone else doing so. Is it really a big deal or did you make it a big deal so you could have something tangible to vent at him? I suspect the latter.

I think you need to have a proper sit down discussion about your future, and I think you need to consider couples counselling. Oh and don't shave his eye brows off - you're an adult. Act like one.

RoxieW

I feel like everytime I see my friends Im moaning about my relationship. Says it all really.

balletshoes

Strippers as strippers I wouldn't have a problem with - even banter between the lads about "nailing a stripper" I'd tend to think was just lads being little boys (as some tend to be when they get around each other). Is it likely the other stags will go for his stripper boat suggestion?

I think you know, from what you've posted before, that this is just one small issue in your relationship with your OH. Maybe he didn't tell you anything about it because its not actually happening, its just a suggestion?

I'm not dismissing your relationship issues, it seems to me his stropping off to the pub and getting blind drunk is definitely at odds with his agreement to start helping out a bit more with the family routine and responsibilities.

Go on - shave his eyebrows off lol!!!

RoxieW

Fang, I have an issue with the stripper - I'm not one of those girls that doesn't care about things like that. But what makes it worse is that he know that but was actively trying to arrange it. I can understand him going on a strip do and having to go along for the ride, but he was the one trying to twist everyone elses arm. The stag dos nothing to do with him, like I said.

RoxieW

Another thing is, a lot of the messages on there had been deleted. Like I said, he's very secretive with things like that and I can't help but wonder that else he's been keeping to himself.

Fang_3

RoxieW wrote: »

Fang, I have an issue with the stripper - I'm not one of those girls that doesn't care about things like that. But what makes it worse is that he know that but was actively trying to arrange it. I can understand him going on a strip do and having to go along for the ride, but he was the one trying to twist everyone elses arm. The stag dos nothing to do with him, like I said.

My point is that that is your issue. Not his. I had a quick look at your previous threads after another poster mentioned them and I think you both need counselling.

Do you think his behaviour or moods could stem from the fact that you messed up the money side and he had to take responsibility for another aspect of your partnership? There are obvious trust issues here (what with your snooping) and I would guess that it stems from you showing him that he can't trust you with the family finances.

I'd also wager that his 'twisting arms' re the stripper won't be as bad as you think, because I think you're projecting your issues onto it and have read more into it than is there.