Stripper Opinions - but fear I may regret it.

Tish_P

I disagree, Fang. If one partner is doing something they know upsets the other and lying about it, it's not all the "issue" of the person being lied to. That's true whether the behaviour is seeing a stripper or gambling or staying out all night without phoning or anything else. Partners owe each other basic honesty.

Plans_all_plans

I think people have an issue with strippers for a number of reasons: disagreeing with the objectification of women, a feeling that some women in that situation are being exploited, disliking the fact that your husband is looking lustfully at another woman, a feeling that women in that situation may get into worse situations e.g. prostitution, !!!!!! etc. Well, those are my reasons anyway.

RoxieW

The eyebrows thing was a joke miss tine.
Fang, I don't understand how its me that can't be trusted. My oh has all my facebook email etc passwords as I know there's never anything of there that would be upsetting to him. He, on the other hand, is very secretive, which of course makes me wonder what is going on? And I looked because no, I don't trust him, because last time he left a page open - no I don't log in, he leaves them up on the computer that I work from - I found a similar thread with a pal saying similar things but even worse. He was hugely regretful - or so I thought - for the hurt that that caused, and I thought I could trust him again now. Obv not.

Fang_3

Tish_P wrote: »

I disagree, Fang. If one partner is doing something they know upsets the other and lying about it, it's not all the "issue" of the person being lied to. That's true whether the behaviour is seeing a stripper or gambling or staying out all night without phoning or anything else. Partners owe each other basic honesty.

Indeed they do but this isn't lies. This is banter on facebook between friends. Should he have to tell the OP every little thing he talks about?

I think another poster hit the nail on the head when she said the OP is controlling.

janninew

dmg24 wrote: »

Can you elaborate on why you have an issue with strippers? Your perceptions may (or may not) be inaccurate.



I do agree with this.

I'm not the OP but it isn't that difficult to see why a women would have a problem with her husband enjoying watching other women dancing around in the nude! After babies some ladies feel unattractive and a bit frumpy, we don't want to think our hubbies would prefer to be looking at other women!

I don't have a problem with men watching strippers, as long as they don't mind their lady watching a hunky guy parading around naked!!

janninew

Fang wrote: »

Nonsense. You don't stop being an individual person the minute you get married. There are issues going deeper here than the mere suggestion of strippers.

In my marriage, my issues (not that I have loads) are also my husbands concern, wouldn't be much of a marriage if my issues were mine alone to deal with and vice versa!

Lifes_Grand_Plan

Not sure of the background of "other problems" you mentioned, but on this issue I would say that you need to chill out a little (from a blokes point of view).

Boys will be boys and strippers and stag nights go hand in hand. I had my stag do back in August last year, went to a few strip clubs, the lads paid for me to have a private dance... we had a laugh, got drunk, end of story.

The boys talk you saw is just that, just boys talking things up to look cool, banter between the lads.

At the end of the day, if he is going to cheat, he will cheat and you're better off without him. However from only what you've said above, I don't think he is going to cheat, just have a good night with his mates.

As for being secretive... might just be because he knew you'd react like this. A lot of the stuff the lads talk about, i'd never dream about discussing with my wife.....

Fang_3

RoxieW wrote: »

The eyebrows thing was a joke miss tine.
Fang, I don't understand how its me that can't be trusted. My oh has all my facebook email etc passwords as I know there's never anything of there that would be upsetting to him. He, on the other hand, is very secretive, which of course makes me wonder what is going on? And I looked because no, I don't trust him, because last time he left a page open - no I don't log in, he leaves them up on the computer that I work from - I found a similar thread with a pal saying similar things but even worse. He was hugely regretful - or so I thought - for the hurt that that caused, and I thought I could trust him again now. Obv not.

Really? You went wild with the family finances and couldn't control your spending habits to the extent that he had to step in and remove the ability to spend, in order to stop you increasing your secret debt.

Fang_3

janninew wrote: »

In my marriage, my issues (not that I have loads) are also my husbands concern, wouldn't be much of a marriage if my issues were mine alone to deal with and vice versa!

Exactly - your marriage. Every marriage is different. As are issues. There are some issues that would be like you say, but something like banter on facebook is not an issue for the marriage. It's an issue for someone deeply insecure because of something that they themselves have done.

dmg24

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I think people have an issue with strippers for a number of reasons: disagreeing with the objectification of women, a feeling that some women in that situation are being exploited, disliking the fact that your husband is looking lustfully at another woman, a feeling that women in that situation may get into worse situations e.g. prostitution, !!!!!! etc. Well, those are my reasons anyway.

janninew wrote: »

I'm not the OP but it isn't that difficult to see why a women would have a problem with her husband enjoying watching other women dancing around in the nude! After babies some ladies feel unattractive and a bit frumpy, we don't want to think our hubbies would prefer to be looking at other women!

I don't have a problem with men watching strippers, as long as they don't mind their lady watching a hunky guy parading around naked!!

This is why I asked the question - two posts with completely different answers.

The latter I can understand, and points to an insecure relationship. The OP has acknowledged that there are issues, so this makes sense.

The former is in the majority ill conceived preconceptions from someone who knows little of the industry.