Should grandparents help out?

FATBALLZ

thorsoak wrote: »

FATBALLZ: I hope you remember your credo when your childen ask you to look after their children!

If in 20-30 years when my kids are trying to scrape together money for a home, and are being made to pay triple what I had to, and they ask me for a small (and reasonable) amount of help (whether that be childcare or financial) and anyone catches me saying "not my problem, that's just the way it is" (or worse, blaming it on them), then you have my permission to shoot me.

As it happens I believe in 20-30 years young people could face an even worse situation economically and socially than my generation is, so I fully expect to have to live up to my morals.

MoneySavingMamma

I definately think grandparents should help!

1 day a week is perfectly acceptable for a grandparent that doesn't work and doesn't have medical problems preventing it. It's one day!

Why not help your own children who are now struggling with families?

Also the now grandmother probably didn't work when they were the mother, as often the father would and that would bring the main money in. These days we both have to work just to survive!

My parents are still looking after my siblings who are under 18, so I can't get help (nor would I ask) for help financially. I don't get babysitting either, but thats because they're still worn out from their own kids.

I think it is selfish for those without commitments, they'll be wanting you to look after them soon! And what of their other children? If one of your siblings was ill & needed care they would hope for you to help them? Families should stick together & help each other!!

carlislelass

ask for help yes but not demand it

Violetta_2

Hi elff- hope you managed to get some time for yourself today, amongst all the opinion's you have had some good advice, I do hope you manage to get someone to help you out, just to take the pressure off.

nomuny

my parents or in-laws very rarely helped out and as a result we had very few nights out together and it was always me as mum who suffered -I feel this has had an effect on my nil social life now as when you can't make it all the time you stop getting asked. hopefully if i'm ever a grandmother i'l try to help but remember not to interfere another thing both sets ofgrandparents thought they had the right to do!

moneysaver12

My mum doesn't help at all with my baby boy, she barley sees him. She has been to see us twice since our little boy was born five months ago, yet she goes to see my brother and his fiance and children every week. My brother only lives up the road from us. If my mum buys anything for our little boy or gets me a birthday present, she leaves it at my brothers, we are expected to pick it up from there. She doesn't bother to come down the road to give it to us. She has seen our little boy about five times, and three of them times was because we went round to my brothers and once to her house.

She helps my brother our with their kids, financally too at times, helps my sister financally as well. Unlike my siblings i don't expect and don't ask my parents to help me financally.

I feel at times like she doesn't really care. She texts me and has started to phone me and makes out she cares, but the way she treats me and her actions don't show to me that she truly cares. I don't understand her and never will. I have had this for years from her. Yet when she wants help, then she is quick to come to me. Twice i have asked her to have my little boy for a couple of hours so she could spend some time with him and we could have a break, first time she was poorly, fair enough, wouldn't expect her to look after him when she is unwell. She said she would have him when she was better, never heard anything again, next minute she is having my brothers children. I asked her again and the Second time she cancelled on me too. Now i won't ask her again. She is the one that is missing out. It is a shame and i don't know what i am going to tell my little boy when he is older if he ask why his grandma spends all her time with his cousion and doesn't bother with him.

I knew that when i got pregnant that me and my husband would be pretty much on our own with our little boy. I don't expect anyone to look after our baby. it just hurts the way she treats me and my little boy.

Only person we do have that will have our little boy so we can have a break is my brothers fiance, she has had him twice since he was born, which we are grateful for. Before we had our baby we did have our nieces one day ever weekend for about four years. And still have them now but not as much.

Mojisola

moneysaver12 wrote: »

My mum doesn't help at all with my baby boy, she barley sees him. She has been to see us twice since our little boy was born five months ago, yet she goes to see my brother and his fiance and children every week. My brother only lives up the road from us. If my mum buys anything for our little boy or gets me a birthday present, she leaves it at my brothers, we are expected to pick it up from there. She doesn't bother to come down the road to give it to us. She has seen our little boy about five times, and three of them times was because we went round to my brothers and once to her house.

She helps my brother our with their kids, financally too at times, helps my sister financally as well. Unlike my siblings i don't expect and don't ask my parents to help me financally.

I feel at times like she doesn't really care. She texts me and has started to phone me and makes out she cares, but the way she treats me and her actions don't show to me that she truly cares. I don't understand her and never will. I have had this for years from her. Yet when she wants help, then she is quick to come to me. Twice i have asked her to have my little boy for a couple of hours so she could spend some time with him and we could have a break, first time she was poorly, fair enough, wouldn't expect her to look after him when she is unwell. She said she would have him when she was better, never heard anything again, next minute she is having my brothers children. I asked her again and the Second time she cancelled on me too. Now i won't ask her again. She is the one that is missing out. It is a shame and i don't know what i am going to tell my little boy when he is older if he ask why his grandma spends all her time with his cousion and doesn't bother with him.

I just cannot understand parents who do this.

I really hope that when she wants help from you, you don't drop everything to do what she wants! Redirect her to your siblings.

elff

Hubby took all 3 kids out to soft play this morning - 3 whole hours to myself :T:T:T:T:T:T

My son has also been refered for genetic testing for his problems, and my neighbour has agreed to look after his twin while we are in hospital so things are looking up for us.

I didnt realise how emotive a subject this would be?

I can accept my parents dont want to help with MY children but when i am so exhausted and low I find it diffucult to understand this when at the school gates / todlar groups there are so many grandparents collecting their granchildren and seem to enjoy them I dont underdtand why my parents dont.

My dd (4) asked me today when she grows up and gets married (to the little boy next door) they are going to have lots of babies (obviousley after she is established as a ballerina-vet )and if i really wanted i could have a cuddle with them.....

I cant wait

skintchick

I'm afraid I haven;t read the whole thread, so if there's something you've posted Ellf that directly affects what I say here then I'm sorry.

And I won;t be popular I don;t think, with what I'm going to say, but I really do think that when we choose to have children it is then our responsibility to look after them, and yes, that is tough, and it must be especially tough with twins as well as an older child, but your job as mum is to play with them and bring them up and I'm afraid that is a full-time, 24/7 job.

I have a 19mo DD and am pregnant and I am exhausted. both my parents and PILS live 100 miles away and I have no help at all from anyone. Sometimes my parents will come down and help for a day if I really need them to, but to be honest I usually just suck it up because I chose to have children and I chose to live miles away from family.

I take my DD to everything - doctor, dentist, toilet (lol). She sleeps badly, too, and so I tend to be attached to her pretty much all day and all night, I get a few hours' break when she is asleep and then I have to look after OH! I am often very touched-out, by which I mean I just want time all by myself to do nothing, but even when OH takes DD out I do housework.

I suppose what I'm saying is that while I sympathise with you, I think you are wrong to resent your parents and in-laws for not helping you and taking the kids in the day, because, frankly, that is YOUR job. you are the mum. Yes it would be lovely if people would help out but that's a luxury.

You just have to make the best of it really. My OH gets up with DD and so I get a little lie-in at weekends but that's it, the rest of the time I just get on with it.

I understand it would be nice if your mum would take the kids as a pleasure, to spend time with them, but I think it's wrong to expect her to take them on as a childminder for you.

I don;t mean to sound harsh because I feel your pain, I really do, and it must be so tiring for you, but seems to me that that is what motherhood is, and doing the parenting thing properly is really quite draining, mentally and physically, especially when they are so young and need us so much.

so take heart that is it feels really bl00dy hard, then you are doing it right!! It's easy to be a parent-centred parent, much harder to be a child-centred one

pigpen

Moneysaver.. My mother knows exactly where I am when she wants something too.. I had my 8 y/o in hospital 2.5 weeks ago for some really nasty blood tests we were in most of the day and it is gruelling and my mother promised her a box of chocolates.. she is still waiting. I rand her on thursday asking for a payment off the credit card she ran up (£700) only £25 so not a huge amount and she is still bringing it later. yesterday, she rang me, she has to have £170 by Monday.. I just aid 'Oh'... normally she would have asked outright but she didn't so she is obviously feeling bad about something.. wonder what it might be..