Should grandparents help out?

lizrae

I am only 56, I have 4 nearly 5 grandchildren and I would dearly love to have them fulltime when their parents work, unfortunately I'm disabled and unable to do this but I do my utmost everytime I'm asked. I now live alone and I'm dependant on benefits and I'm scared to do more for my grandchildren. I must say though that when I do have the children I suffer so badly the next day or 2 but I gladly do it again and again.

katerinasol

I come from a close-knit family and so does my bf and our parents wouldn't even think of not offering to help with kids when we have them. I find it odd when grandparents don't like spending time with their grandchildren, mostly because the grandchildren have always been just as loved as the children in our families, if not more (my mum often complains I'm the favourite). It's not like your parents raised you in the hope of getting rid of you as soon as you hit 18 and are old enough to move out.

elff

Quick update... My mother did agree to have twin1 today while i took twin 2 to hospital for blood tests.... we were gone just over an hour she didnt change his nappy (it had leaked) got him a drink or done anything with him... then demanded i take her to a dr. appointment the bank and sainsburys... whicj i did although it would have been nice to have been asked not told - just got back in now.

I have a twin sister who had booked a week off work (this week) ..... she has offered to take my eldest swimming for an hour saturday morning..... to be fair she works 2 job just to make her rent/bills and she has a social life as well.

At least its spring again and have swopped tesco vouchers for melin passes for me a dd (twins are under 1m) so we can have a good few 'free' days/afternoons there in the fresh air

margaretclare

Is there some reason why your mother cannot take herself to the GP and/or Sainsbury's? And please don't say 'just because of her age'.

pupsicola

My mum barely wants to know. When I use to ask her to babysit occasionally I was made to feel so awkward that in the end I stopped. Her loss. She phoned up the other day and spoke to my eldest and he said "nanny who". If you show such little interest in kids they loose interest in you. I have never expected her to go out of her way for my kids, just some occassional help would be nice.

My advice OP is to get a good network of friends and help each other out. I am far closer to my friends than any member of my family because they treat me better.

pupsicola

lizrae wrote: »

I am only 56, I have 4 nearly 5 grandchildren and I would dearly love to have them fulltime when their parents work, unfortunately I'm disabled and unable to do this but I do my utmost everytime I'm asked. I now live alone and I'm dependant on benefits and I'm scared to do more for my grandchildren. I must say though that when I do have the children I suffer so badly the next day or 2 but I gladly do it again and again.

I hope they all appreciate you. I know I would if you were my family.

catfish50

Before my first grandchild was born I was so looking forward to looking aft er him, and I did do a lot with the first one. But I found to my surprise that I didn't feel confident looking after him, because in the end he's not my child and I felt that while his mother wanted the break from caring for him, she easily got upset if I did anything different from how she would have done it. I understand that, but it did undermine my confidence.

Nowadays I leave the helping to others, and just enjoy playing with them and getting them little presents etc. I think my DIL is a bit miffed about it but think this way is best under the circumstances.

I sometimes wonder if I would feel differently if my daughter had children (because it would be easier for her and me to thrash out the differences) but she does not so I don't know.

p_joker

Your not alone, my mum and dad split when I was about 15 my dad loves my boys but doesn't do nappies so he cant watch the kids, my eldest is 4 and youngest almost 2 and in all that time my mum has only had my eldest in her house twice and youngest once, my MIL used to have eldest round all the time when he was a baby couldn't get enough of him had him round nearly every weekend but as soon as DS number 2 came along she didn't want to know, she has never had my youngest for the night, on the odd occasion she has watched them on a saturday or sunday if mine and DH hours clash but she says she cant have them over night as it gets in the way of her house work and she normally comes to our house and leaves a mess for me to clean up when i get in

[Deleted User]

If you want parents to willingly stay the night to babysit then can I suggest that you make sure that their sleeping arrangements are comfortable. Many of us don`t like so called orthopaedic or hard beds as our hips ache. Make sure that there is a bedside table of some sort for specs and a bedside light so we don`t have to stumble around in the dark. Please clear away washing, airers and ironing boards and make it look more like a guest room than a `junk` room. Don`t forget the food and have some ingredients in to at least make a proper meal or two, grandma doesn`t mind cooking but doesn`t like having to fill the car with food because cupboards are minimalistic

We love to look after our grandchildren but it is best in their own home as ours is not child friendly and they are small. We do try and get back to our own bed at night because of the lack of comfort as we both can ache. If the comfort was there then staying at night would be no problem, as it is we take foam mattresses etc if we are needed.

I suppose it is difficult for a 30 something to appreciate the pains involved when getting older

sjc3

Far less hassle to just pay a babysitter who doesn't have an endless list of "needs". Good god, how pedantic can someone be!!!!!