Should grandparents help out?

pollypenny

Being 'lucky' baby boomers, OH and I had to move 150 miles from our parents to find work.

I had to get on with childcare myself. We lived on a new estate where most of us were in the same boat and we supported each other, really. Most of us mums gave up work in those days because the maternity leave was 6 weeks or so. We had to cut our cloth. Literally, in fact. I sewed and knitted almost everything.

I do sympathise with OP with her twins, though.

thorsoak

pollypenny wrote: »

Being 'lucky' baby boomers, OH and I had to move 150 miles from our parents to find work.

I had to get on with childcare myself. We lived on a new estate where most of us were in the same boat and we supported each other, really. Most of us mums gave up work in those days because the maternity leave was 6 weeks or so. We had to cut our cloth. Literally, in fact. I sewed and knitted almost everything.

I do sympathise with OP with her twins, though.

Like you, Pollypenny, we were on a new estate and babies were almost all the same age - so we formed our own toddlers clubs/play groups .... in fact, we were the generation that founded Play Groups and Mother & Baby clubs!

Caroline_a

thorsoak wrote: »

Like you, Pollypenny, we were on a new estate and babies were almost all the same age - so we formed our own toddlers clubs/play groups .... in fact, we were the generation that founded Play Groups and Mother & Baby clubs!

Yup, I'm that vintage too!

RoxieW

I'm not sure that twins are that much harder then having 2 children close together. Having a newborn baby who needs a lot of breastfeeding, and a toddler who's used to having mummy play with him a lot it tough going as well. I had 18 mths between mine and the toddler wasn't walking and was still in nappies. I'll never forget the day I turned to sort the baby and then turned back to find my toddler had disappeared :eek:

Any one with two or more preschoolers deserves a medal if you ask me! Seriously though, me time is a must and you should prioritise it. They must sleep at some point in the evening. Take yourself off to the bath with a magazine and a scented candle!

Nicki

RoxieW wrote: »

I'm not sure that twins are that much harder then having 2 children close together. Having a newborn baby who needs a lot of breastfeeding, and a toddler who's used to having mummy play with him a lot it tough going as well. I had 18 mths between mine and the toddler wasn't walking and was still in nappies. I'll never forget the day I turned to sort the baby and then turned back to find my toddler had disappeared :eek:

There is barely 13 months between my oldest two, and whilst that was undoubtedly hard work when they were babies, it bears absolutely no comparison to the nightmare that one poor mum of twins who goes to my nct group experiences. Having 2 of the same age is a whole different ball game, to say nothing of having 3 all preschool. I do have a great deal of sympathy for OP, albeit that I feel asking the grandparents to help is not the answer.

rumncoke

Haven't read whole thread but my feeling is IF grandparents offer then fine but it should not be expected. Someone I know is 67 & whenever I see her she always moans about having to look after her grandchildren (7 in total ages 11 down to 2) saying she is too old to be running around after toddlers. When I suggested that she explained she was finding it too much now she would not hear of it as then the moms would have to give up work!
Well sorry but I know life is hard financially these days but I do think a lot (not all) of younger families are just not prepared to make sacrifices in their lifestyle. Still want holidays, latest gadgets etc.
My mom made it plain that if we chose to go back to work then she would not be looking after the kids. She was always willing to babysit as long as she was free & would help in an emergency but they had done their stint with the 3 of us & it was time for them to take life easier.
I am now a grandparent although as yet not seen him (3 months today) due to distance, 3000 miles away in the US & due to DH health we have not been able to fly over. Hoping for them to come over in the summer. My view is the same as my Mom, although it would not be practical anyway!

euronorris

OK, I read all through this last night - yes, it took that long! lol. But, one thing I didn't see was any reference to siblings helping out. Is that an option OP?

My eldest brother and eldest sister both have kids and we've all chipped in with babysitting, or taking the kids out for a day/evening so that their parents can have a rest, and well, just cos I love my neice's and nephew so much.

I sympathise with you, as my brother and his wife already had a 9 month old little girl when they fell pregnant with the twins. It took them so long to conceive the first time, they thought it would take just as long the second time and got a surprise! lol. It was incredibly hard work for them in those first few years, especially as they also moved about an hour and a half away from friends and family in order to get a bigger house in a nicer area. But, I know that my brother helped out my SIL a lot, giving her a chance to rest when she needed it, and he did that on top of working full time and studying for a degree. So, I'm sure your OH can help you out too, and I see that he already started this weekend, which is great.

I hope you are doing better now and don't forget to call on ALL options available to you.

xx

evenasus

thorsoak wrote: »

Look again at the figures please - we bought our first house for £3,250, at an interest rate of 6.125% on a joint gross salary of £986 per annum. Parents assisted with deposit of £325 - 10% as wedding present. We moved into to an empty house with just basic bed, chest of drawers kitchen table & chairs and new cooker. No washing machine, no fridge/freezer, no tv, no carpets.

And - for what its worth - our mortgage was increased three times in order to assist our children with their deposits - no 4 got help when we sold & bought this property.

But then - our expectations were not those of this generation. Sadly, my impression is that too many of this young generation wish to blame everybody else/need the support of everybody else - and yes, I expect that the blame for this is on my generation!

This was almost the same situation we experienced back in the 60's.
Except that we paid our own deposit.

It took three years to save enough money for the deposit of £315 (10%) of the house price, plus enough for the very basic furniture - bed/cooker/table & chairs.
Oh, we did manage to buy very cheap foam-backed carpet though.

Back to grandparents helping out....

I/we have helped our children and grandchildren in every way we can.
From paying off their mortgages to looking after grandchildren.

For FATBALLZ's information...
We had children AFTER getting married and buying a house.
If we'd lived together/had children before marriage - one it would have been looked on as shameful( back in the 60's) and two we would never have been able to save to buy a house.

margaretclare

Almost everything has been said, for and against, on all sides. However....grandmother 'sits watching TV all day...'

I had to do that a few weeks ago while recovering from shingles, which is painful and really knocks the stuffing out of you - you feel exhausted after the slightest exertion. However I'd hate to have that kind of a life long-term! I'd die of boredom.

There is a useful phrase 'Use it or lose it'. Sitting in a chair all day, your muscles get weak from lack of use. Any physiotherapist will tell you that.

In other words, the more you sit around, the less you will feel like doing! It becomes a vicious circle. You don't feel like getting out of that chair, eventually you become incapable of getting out of it.

Lunar_Eclipse

I suggest that in the immediate short term, you and your husband co-ordinate rest time for each of you at the weekend. I see no reason why each of you don't get a lie in (to an agreed time if you wish) on one of the weekend days, combined with a rest period each afternoon, ideally where the other parent takes the children out of the house (to the park, a friend's, cinema, swimming etc).

For example, you get a lie in on a Saturday morning (say till 9 or 10) and then a 2/3 rest/sleeping period on Sunday afternoon. Your husband gets a rest/sleeping period on Saturday afternoon and a lie in on Sunday morning.

We basically did an informal version of this as and when we needed to.

You'd feel like a different person within 2 weeks! :-)