Should grandparents help out?

mummyroysof3

NEH i sort of agree with you so should i go and duck now too...

suki1964

FATBALLZ wrote: »

I believe they have an obligation to help their family, if the help is needed and if they are reasonably able to help, free childcare and interest free loans could be part of that however personally I've never had a loan from my parents/grandparents and as I mentioned I pay my parents expenses for the odd days they do look after my child. I'd suggest though that older generations of the family have a moral obligation to help with house deposits to some extent if they themselves have profited vastly from the property boom (as many have).

What planet are you living on?

Oh yes, must be the planet that believe in the bank of mum and dad

As grandparents/parents we do not have a moral obligation to be handing out free anything to either our kids or grandkids.


We have a moral obligation to bring our children up to be decent/honest/caring/hard-working etc etc etc not to give them everything on a plate

No wonder society is the way it is - always someone believing they are owed a living


Yes Im a grandparent, yes I do see my grandson as often as I can making the 300 mile drive to lift and lay him

20 years ago when me and hubby started out, we had no washing machine - nor could we get the credit to buy one. We scrimped and scraped with 2nd hand furniture, no holidays or car to get ourselves a house that meant we could have his children stay with us without having to sleep on the floor.

We arent rich, nor have we benefited from any housing bubble, we have a mortgage and both of us still work bloody hard and long hours

We are also the main carers for my parents and now his mother is in ill health and so have her to look out for as well

Should we be giving loans to our kids when we ourselves are looking at very uncertain futures? With longer working lives and very little pension coming our way? Should we go ahead and scrimp and scrape for the next 20 years so our children dont have to?

When we started we got nothing from either sets of parents or grandparents. We worked for everything we have and I tell you it makes you appreciate what we do have. It hurts no one to stand on their own two feet and get on with it.

If you are old enough and mature enough to be having children then you need to be old enough and mature enough to get on with it without running to bank of mum and dad for hand outs of time or money at the drop of a hat

LoopyLil_2

NEH wrote: »

Has the OP actually calrfied the situation in the sense that her mother refused point blank to hep or that it was simply a misunderstanding that the mother thought she would have to look after them regulary again?

What does come across to me a lot of the times on this board and this may be controversial but does anyone plan to have children anymore? Do people actual sit down and work finances, child care etc out or do they just go ahead and say sod it things will work themselves out...

I know accidents happen and things don't always go to plan but perhaps for those that actually choose to have children is it beyond the realms of possiblities to work out the childcare before getting pregnant?!

I always think it is sad to see kids in nursery for 10 hours a day and then their parents turn round and say well we wouldn't want them to be in nursery all the time, well did you not discuss that before having children....I admit i am old fashioned and seeing kids in nursery for 50 hours a week in my own circles i think is very sad and for the children it's almost like a working day....Their parents get a few snatched hours at the weekend but the kids can't settle properly as they're always away from home and in some cases these scenarios can be avoided simply by parents expecting less form their lives and accepting that now they have children they can't have endless holidays, the latest gadgets and a high expectation of living...If you have children you have to accept that your life will change and that sometimes sacrifices have to be made...

I know i'll get a fair few angry replies so i'll go and duck now...:rotfl:

:T Well said.

andrealm

Neh, you must have missed the many, many threads where people have been asking for advice on planning financially for having children, asking about the cost of childcare and so on. Yes, I'm sure there are also people who rush into it without thinking about the financial side, but I'd imagine that was also the case "back in the day"

Maybe the mum is the higher earner and the dad doesn't want to be a SAHD, but it seems it's always the mums that get the blame if they need to/want to work. They're criticised either for putting them in nursery or for palming them off on poor granny. And I say that as a SAHM myself, but I went to a childminder as a child and was very, very happy there. If parents and children are happy, who's to judge?

poet123

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

NEH i sort of agree with you so should i go and duck now too...

I agree too;)

seven-day-weekend

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

NEH i sort of agree with you so should i go and duck now too...

I too absolutely agree with NEH, so that is four of us ducking.....

lilac_lady

When I was at work all the mothers had pictures of their children on their desks and spent ages talking about them. I'd often think that they'd be better working part time and seeing the children rather than the photographs. The fathers didn't have pictures of the children.

(Ducks and heads for cover.)

seven-day-weekend

lilac_lady wrote: »

When I was at work all the mothers had pictures of their children on their desks and spent ages talking about them. I'd often think that they'd be better working part time and seeing the children rather than the photographs. The fathers didn't have pictures of the children.

(Ducks and heads for cover.)

I'll be ducking twice then!

brians_daughter

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I too absolutely agree with NEH, so that is four of us ducking.....

I would duck too if able to! Being 40 weeks pregnant makes swift ducking an almost impossibility...

RoxieW

Haven't read whole thread but In response to the op - join the club. I have 3 children, a house to manage, a work from home job - at the end of the day it was my choice to have children.
I have friends who's parents play an active role ie house deposit, free childcare - tbh I don't think it does them any favours as I have one friend mid thirties who can't wipe her own !!! without phoning her mum for advice.
Grandparents job should be nice treats, days out, occasional babysitting but not full time free childcare or house deposits. They have supported their children, now it's time to pass the baton.
I've always been self sufficient and it's stood me in good stead for parenthood and life. My friends often say they don't know how I do it - well if u have no choice you get on with it!
When my boys are grown up I will not be providing free childcare or large lump sums of cash that they haven't earned. Part of my job as a parent it to help them become independent self sufficient adults who can budget, time manage, make their own decisions etc. Providing them with shortcuts in life does them no favours in the long run, I believe.