new nanny how often visit the baby?

Bennifred

I think you should invite them to your house if you want them to yourself! You could say something like "Your Dad and I would love it if you, husband and baby x came round to us on Sunday for a little while. Just come when you're ready - whenever - and we'll have a lovely meal and a catch-up." And then while they're there, concentrate on fussing over your daughter, not the baby so much, after all she's the one who's been through the birth, etc and needs the looking after at the moment.

Oh - and don't mention the in-laws, or money, or anything that makes you sound anything but supportive of your daughter and her new family!

minerva_windsong

Where do his family live? I know when my nephew was born - also sister's first baby - my brother in law's parents spent about a week to ten days straight at sister's house, but they're from New Zealand so obviously can't just pop in when they feel like it. If they live a long way away they may prefer to be there for a few days all at once rather than a day or two on a fairly regular basis.

Also, the other thing might be - is your son in law inviting his family round, either directly or with a 'the door is always open' type invitation? I agree it could be a bridge building exercise but if your daughter doesn't get on with them I'm wondering if he's using it as an opportunity to see them more and she doesn't want to upset him by saying 'no, I want a break' or whatever. The bridge building doesn't have to come from your daughter after all...

On the original topic, my mum normally sees my sister every two weeks for two days, but I agree that it is dependent on the mum and what she wants - I don't have any kids myself, and I love my mum to bits, but I know that there would probably be a point where that drove me loopy and I just wanted to be left to get on with it. My best mate's mum rings her every single day (again best mate doesn't have any kids, it is more of a checking in call) and whilst she appreciates it, I would just be like, "Yes I'm fine, don't worry about me" because I couldn't abide the feeling of being 'checked up on' all the time. But that's how I am and your daughter may well be the exact opposite.

Perservere with the texting - she may not have time to respond now, but she will appreciate the offer. I know you want to see your grandchild but it's important to let her know you're there for her when she needs you. And I definitely agree with the point about looking after her - when my nephew was born I got my sister a small treat of a magazine subscription (easier than books because you can dip in and out) and a bag of her favourite sweets, to let her know I was thinking of her as well.

Also, if you don't want to go to them, could you invite her to yours? I realise that this might be a massive hassle (obviously forum mums feel free to shoot me down if so!) and you may have to wait a couple of weeks, but it's a way of getting round it if you really don't want to go over when the in laws are there.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I must admit when I red the title I thought by nanny you meant as in someone who looks after children as a job! Either that or a goat. Have never heard of a grandmother called a nanny.

I call my dad's mum Nanna, and when my great-grandmother (dad's mum's mum) was alive she was Little Nanny. We are from Liverpool originally though so it may well be a Northern thing.

POPPYOSCAR

minerva_windsong wrote: »

Where do his family live? I know when my nephew was born - also sister's first baby - my brother in law's parents spent about a week to ten days straight at sister's house, but they're from New Zealand so obviously can't just pop in when they feel like it. If they live a long way away they may prefer to be there for a few days all at once rather than a day or two on a fairly regular basis.

Also, the other thing might be - is your son in law inviting his family round, either directly or with a 'the door is always open' type invitation? I agree it could be a bridge building exercise but if your daughter doesn't get on with them I'm wondering if he's using it as an opportunity to see them more and she doesn't want to upset him by saying 'no, I want a break' or whatever. The bridge building doesn't have to come from your daughter after all...

On the original topic, my mum normally sees my sister every two weeks for two days, but I agree that it is dependent on the mum and what she wants - I don't have any kids myself, and I love my mum to bits, but I know that there would probably be a point where that drove me loopy and I just wanted to be left to get on with it. My best mate's mum rings her every single day (again best mate doesn't have any kids, it is more of a checking in call) and whilst she appreciates it, I would just be like, "Yes I'm fine, don't worry about me" because I couldn't abide the feeling of being 'checked up on' all the time. But that's how I am and your daughter may well be the exact opposite.

Perservere with the texting - she may not have time to respond now, but she will appreciate the offer. I know you want to see your grandchild but it's important to let her know you're there for her when she needs you. And I definitely agree with the point about looking after her - when my nephew was born I got my sister a small treat of a magazine subscription (easier than books because you can dip in and out) and a bag of her favourite sweets, to let her know I was thinking of her as well.

Also, if you don't want to go to them, could you invite her to yours? I realise that this might be a massive hassle (obviously forum mums feel free to shoot me down if so!) and you may have to wait a couple of weeks, but it's a way of getting round it if you really don't want to go over when the in laws are there.



I call my dad's mum Nanna, and when my great-grandmother (dad's mum's mum) was alive she was Little Nanny. We are from Liverpool originally though so it may well be a Northern thing.

No definately not a Northern thing.My mum was from the north and hated being called nanny she was always granny.

ilovecushions

My mum is a back seat parent.........My brother has a little boy and my Mum is always having a winge about how my Bro's wife does things etc. I tell her to mind her own but she doesn't listen. My brother and his poor wife must get fed up with her.

Please don't be a back seat parent. Let them do whatever they think is right and be there when they need you. Just enjoy your grandchild.

aliasojo

Can't add to the advice given by others but with regard to the nanny thing, My Gran was always to be called Nana. I hated it as it always made me feel like I was a wee kid. When I got to be a teenager I called her by her name as I refused to use the term nana by then. I just wanted a 'gran' like everyone else.

Saint_Chris

Well i'm home from work, and i'm not going round today or tomorrow.

I rang this morning, to see how daughter was feeling, i asked about her before the baby, but i couldnt' hear as there was a lot of noise in the background, his 2 sisters were there with there children.

this afternoon, they are taking the baby to his parents house as 1 of his aunty's is going to be there, so she can see the baby, then they are going to a cousins house.

I mentioned going round after tea with hubby, but they are staying out for tea, and then going to a birthday party tonight for one of his relatives.

Tomorrow they have decided that they will go, and see his grandma with the baby, i said that i would be in tomorrow afternoon, if they wanted to call, but a couple who they are friends with are going round.

So i mentioned sunday as her dad sometiems has sunday off, i said if they wanted they could come for sunday dinner, she said she would get back to me.


I don't want to be a intefering mum/gran but it's all new to me as well, and i would like to pop round more than once a week, and it's not that i don't like his family as i like them, but i just don't want there to be a full house of people, which is why i don't want to go round with them.

Nicki

I admire their stamina with a new baby.

Sorry it hasn't worked out to see them today. Why don't you text her to say that her dad is dying to see the new baby properly, and if Sunday isn't good for them, could she let you know a time when you and dad can go round and spend some time with them. Hoepfully if she gives you an appointment slot, she won't then double book you in with anyone else!

emsywoo123

I've just read the whole thread OP, and TBH, thought you were over-reacting right until your last post.........

They have ALOT of plans with a new baby :eek: :eek: Crikey DS is 13 weeks and that sounded like far more than I would consider, let alone when he was a week old!!

I can see now why you feel pushed out, but as others have said, it will settle down, I hardly got a chance to see my mum much after DS was born, and we were close like you were, and it is really only the last couple of weeks things are getting into a routine and we see more of each other

viktory

Saint_Chris wrote: »

I've got in my head, monday/wed/fri afternoon, when i've finished work.

Also would you expect a text from your daughter daily to tell you how the baby has fed/slept/been changed.

thanks

Wow, you're scary! Stop with the schedule! Let your daughter and her partner dicatate the pace. And no to the texts, that is just weird! Again, let her dictate. Tell her that you are at the end of the phone if she needs you and call about three times a week.

Give them some space and stop with the jealousy! Everything will settle down and you'll be close again. To be honest, I think you have been a bit too close in the past. Time to give your daughter some space - be happy that she is getting on with her inlaws and their family.

podperson

I can understand how you're feeling a little left out but the first few weeks are going to be stressful for your daughter. She is trying to get used to the new baby, everyone is wanting to see the little one and making demands on her time - and she is no doubt trying to fit everyone in and not offend people. I would imagine that she isn't making as much 'effort' with you as she's probably comfortable enough with you to feel that you won't get offended at her not being able to see you as much - and also that she knows that in a few weeks when all the chaos dies down and most of the other people have disappeared then you will see the baby regularly then. Please try not to take it personally.