new nanny how often visit the baby?

Louise_Krona

Have you told your daughter how you feel? hope everything will be ok! regards!

liney

My son isn't 7 but when he was born we were told that up to day 10 Newborns should be at home, indoors, and not being pawed by every visitor due to risks of infection and inhaling cigerette fumes off clothes etc. I gather this is not current advice?

OP, you are not entitled to a daily rundown, and although I probably did call my Mother every day I wouldn't have done so if she demanded it. I would also not expect you to visit more then twice a week unless it's a special occassion, maybe once at the weekend or better still invite them for Sunday lunch on a weekly basis; this could become a lovely family ritual with the children, and then once in the week. If you take it upon yourself to visit on Mon/Wed/Fri and MIL decides to turn up on Tues/Thurs/Saturday then if I were your daughter you might find me rocking quietly in the corner!

Instead of making your own arrangements ie 'I'm comming to visit you on X day' Why not call and ask when you can visit? ie 'Dad wants to meet >baby< so what day is best next week love?'

jackieb

liney wrote: »

My son isn't 7 but when he was born we were told that up to day 10 Newborns should be at home, indoors, and not being pawed by every visitor due to risks of infection and inhaling cigerette fumes off clothes etc. I gather this is not current advice?

I'm always surprised when I see new mum's out really soon after giving birth. The least amount of time I was hospital after having a baby was 5 days, and every afternoon the curtains were closed in the ward and we'd have to lie on our stomach and nap for an hour. That sounds positively Draconian but my youngest is only 15, so not that long ago.

mrsspendalot

Really feel for you, and can understand why you feel pushed out. I would be the same I think.

What is your daughter's relationship like with her in-laws and her other half's family? When I had my children, my mother in law was very jealous of how much time we spent with my parents. The reality was that we didn't spend anywhere near as much time with my parents as she imagined because my parents both worked full time and my in-laws didn't work at all. We felt obliged to be seen to spend plenty of time at the in-laws almost to prove that we weren't leaving them out. My mother in law was jealous over everything my parents did for us, bought us, etc. becuse she felt they couldn't 'compete'. It was very silly, as it wasn't about competition, but that was just how she was.

Is it possible that your daughter is feeling equally obliged to be seen to be not leaving them out, but it feels to you like this is at your expense? I would probably try and sit down with your daughter and talk about it. She could be feeling very trapped at the moment by expectations of her to do certain things or be a certain way whilst with his family. I think I felt very conscious of the fact that my in-laws didn't really like me much, so I felt I needed to show them just what a good mum I was and how well I was coping. I would never have asked them for help or told them I was feeling low, because I wouldn't have wanted them to think I couldn't cope or wasn't up to motherhood. I would have easily been able to tell my mum though.

Hope you get it sorted xxxx

elaine373

I can undertsand how you are feeling but i would just let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything.When all the hype has died down, she will realise that you are there for the long run.Try not to take it personally, she is going through a massive life change and will need you at times. Maybe you could text each day to ask if she needs anything etc.She may be under some pressure with her partner and his family,who knows.She will appreciate you being there without being too intrusive. I think you should remember that you have made her, the independant adult that she is appearing to be.Thats a pat on the back for you Next thing s to be a wonderful grandparent without taking over.Enjoy.(my 3rd grandchild is due in 2 weeks :j)

LilacPixie

ailuro2 wrote: »

I haven't read all this thread, but I know if my mother had even hinted her nose was out of joint just 6 days after I'd given birth I'd be well and truly cheesed off with her....

time and time again o these boards I read threads where friends ask what should they take round for a friend who has just had a baby - and time after time the same answer is posted... go round, make Mum a cup of tea and then get out the iron and do some ironing while you chat to the family.... it's much more welcome than cake, and will always be remembered fondly.:D

this is spot on... my baby is 10 days old. My mum been around once, she phones most days to see if i need anything from shops and sent my dad over to collect our other kids and some ironing to let us sleep when baby did.

I was riddled with pre eclampsia before birth and basically on full rest until i was induced and since baby arrived i have been out alot.. literally i went to a family party with a 3 day old...

we did visitors different this tme.. we having tea and cakes meet the baby event tomorrow at our home rather than individual visitors.

LilacPixie

jackieb wrote: »

I'm always surprised when I see new mum's out really soon after giving birth. The least amount of time I was hospital after having a baby was 5 days, and every afternoon the curtains were closed in the ward and we'd have to lie on our stomach and nap for an hour. That sounds positively Draconian but my youngest is only 15, so not that long ago.

just shows how it changes..i delivered 7am last wednesday and at 3pm could of went home. I chose to stay as dd sounded a bit mucusy but she puked that up so i was out 11am next morning... Saturday we were at a restraunt for a family birthday celebration.. With dd2 i went right from hospital to Mr T for shopping. :rotfl:

pigpen

jackieb wrote: »

I'm always surprised when I see new mum's out really soon after giving birth. The least amount of time I was hospital after having a baby was 5 days, and every afternoon the curtains were closed in the ward and we'd have to lie on our stomach and nap for an hour. That sounds positively Draconian but my youngest is only 15, so not that long ago.

I was home less than 24 hours after a section!!!! and did a small tesco run at 6 days.

and the afternoon nap was pobably for the staff to have a quiet cuppa.. they've not done anything like that with any of mine in 5 different hospitals over 19 years.

LilacPixie wrote: »

we did visitors different this tme.. we having tea and cakes meet the baby event tomorrow at our home rather than individual visitors.

That sounds a great idea..

poet123

jackieb wrote: »

I'm always surprised when I see new mum's out really soon after giving birth. The least amount of time I was hospital after having a baby was 5 days, and every afternoon the curtains were closed in the ward and we'd have to lie on our stomach and nap for an hour. That sounds positively Draconian but my youngest is only 15, so not that long ago.

Really? it must be area/hospital dependent, my youngest is 14 in May and I was home 24 hours after he was born, just as I was with my second and third babies.

After number two was born I was hosting a birthday party in McDonald's for the eldest two days later:eek:. I was in longer with baby number one though as he had complications at birth.

faithcecilia

jackieb wrote: »

I'm always surprised when I see new mum's out really soon after giving birth. The least amount of time I was hospital after having a baby was 5 days, and every afternoon the curtains were closed in the ward and we'd have to lie on our stomach and nap for an hour. That sounds positively Draconian but my youngest is only 15, so not that long ago.

We were both c-sections, and in 1979 it was standard to be in 10days after:eek: I was born Xmas day and mum discharged herself (against advice) on the 30th as she was fed up and I was losing weight and they forbade bottles on the ward! That evening a friends mother babysat me while my parents went to their staff Xmas party (we lived onsite, so the party was in the same building, no booze, etc).

She also discharged herself after a similar time with my brother because she just wanted to be with my dad - she had been in hospital 6wks before my brother was delivered 6wks early.

My grandmother had dies years before so wasnt there, but my gran (dads mum) came after bro was born to look after me and do the cooking. The idea of any family members coming round 3 times a week is completely alien to me because we have never lived close together, but if my mother was wanting to know every time baby blinked, Im afraid I would tell her where to go:o