new nanny how often visit the baby?

Gigglepig

Saint_Chris wrote: »

2 weeks ago her hubby was at work, not anymore he's just been made redundant, and he didn't get paid for his last month work.

so we gave them £600 to help them out.

i just thought i would ask on here about peoples feelings.


thanks.

If a close family member just had a baby and they partner lost their work I would not hesitate to support them financially, that sounds normal.

But...the fact that you are bringing up a gift of money in this discussion suggests that you perhaps expected "something" in return which you feel you did not get.

MrsE_2

Saint_Chris wrote: »

Well i'm home from work, and i'm not going round today or tomorrow.

I rang this morning, to see how daughter was feeling, i asked about her before the baby, but i couldnt' hear as there was a lot of noise in the background, his 2 sisters were there with there children.

this afternoon, they are taking the baby to his parents house as 1 of his aunty's is going to be there, so she can see the baby, then they are going to a cousins house.

I mentioned going round after tea with hubby, but they are staying out for tea, and then going to a birthday party tonight for one of his relatives.

Tomorrow they have decided that they will go, and see his grandma with the baby, i said that i would be in tomorrow afternoon, if they wanted to call, but a couple who they are friends with are going round.

So i mentioned sunday as her dad sometiems has sunday off, i said if they wanted they could come for sunday dinner, she said she would get back to me.


I don't want to be a intefering mum/gran but it's all new to me as well, and i would like to pop round more than once a week, and it's not that i don't like his family as i like them, but i just don't want there to be a full house of people, which is why i don't want to go round with them.

OK, is it possible that you or your hubby have offended or upset her ot your SIL?

sueeve

Just be very gentle about it all. Things will settle down, and if you try to sort things out at the moment remember that her hormones are all over the place, and she will probably be hurt quite easily, especially if she is a bit short on sleep. Continue to offer help and encouragement; she knows that you are always there to support her, but perhaps it has not always been the case with his family.

Or do you think it might be that she is worried you will be a bit too possessive/ smothering, about the baby? I just get the feeling that you may have to watch this.

Taliahmai

Im as close to my mum as you are to your daughter and if i thought my mum was feeling pushed out like you are i would be horrified......she maybe doesnt realise how your feeling and is just trying to let everyone meet baby to stop them asking. I would say tlak to your daughter and explain you feel like you havnt had chance to meet baby properly and would love to come for cuddles with her. Mum came to pick me up a week after my daughter was born for tea, she also picked all my washing up and did that for me which was a huge help....it was lovely to be able to sit down without a house ful of visitors, not have to worry about washing sicky baby clothes and to have mum fuss over the baby while i put my feet up for an hour...Tell her how you feel and that you just want to help her for a few hours so she can rest. Im sure she will jump at the chance

ailuro2

I haven't read all this thread, but I know if my mother had even hinted her nose was out of joint just 6 days after I'd given birth I'd be well and truly cheesed off with her....

time and time again o these boards I read threads where friends ask what should they take round for a friend who has just had a baby - and time after time the same answer is posted... go round, make Mum a cup of tea and then get out the iron and do some ironing while you chat to the family.... it's much more welcome than cake, and will always be remembered fondly.:D

Plans_all_plans

Another thought has occurred to me: maybe your DD and son in law really want some family time together with their child without you around. They may not want to hurt your feelings, so they are saying they are busy when they're not to spare your feelings? Just give them time and once they've adjusted you'll be part of the picture again.

Another thought is that although you and your son in law get on, maybe he feels he doesn't want you 'taking over' before he even has a chance to bond with the child.

grey_lady

There does seem to be a certain expectation in the older generation that a new mother should turn to her mother after having a baby for help and support, but nowadays fathers get paternity leave and are much more willing to be hands on with baby than in previous generations and may feel like mother in laws help isn't needed in the way it would have been in years gone by.

To the op, maybe your daughter feels like everyone has to met the new baby and she just doesn't have the energy right now to deal with more texts/visits.

flower24

I remember after I had my first baby, my partner arranged for his family to visit the afternoon we got out of hospital (had her on the Wed and came home on the Sat), he didn't ask me and I remember having to go into another room and cry because I just felt so overwhelmed, I wanted some time at home alone with my partner and my baby. I would think she's probably feeling a bit crowded at the moment with them going round so often but maybe feels she can't say no as they aren't her family? And because you and your hubby are, she might feel she doesn't have to have you round and you'll understand how she's feeling iyswim?

Maybe I'm just speculating but I know how emotional I was a few days after having a baby. xx

Violetta_2

Congratulations on your new, no doubt beautiful grandchild. I can understand you feeling hurt but I feel you shouldn't worry , your daughter probably doesn't know if she is coming or going yet & probably won't get her bearings for a wee while yet. I think she is probably trying to get the "duties" done with the in law's,& maybe has little choice, it does sound as if they are being invaded a bit. and she know's you will be there for her. Once the novelty wears off things will fall into place & you will get to be the loving nana you deserve to be.
Like I said don't worry a girl always needs her mum, I know I do even though she died over 9 years ago, I miss her so much for my daughter too, she would have been the best granny ever to my 5 yr old.

RainbowChild_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think everyone does understand how you are feeling.(My second grandchild was born this week)

Don't taunt yourself by looking on facebook.

Facebook can be bad and good and...

It is obvious that you love your Daughter and want to get to know your Granddaughter better..in 5 years time they will be round at yours for Sunday lunch and you will be soo glad when they go home because you will get some peace, even though the love you have for them is astounding...please don't beat yourself up... your Daughter will always need you xx

As an aside to what someone posted earlier when I was in hospital an hour after giving birth to my first Daughter 15 and a half years ago In Germany I spoke to my Father In Law and he said " aww it's a shame it wasn't a boy" I have 2 teenage girls now :rotfl: