Advice needed about ex-hubby and contact/maintenence please

ford_prefect_3

CAt04

As an aside from the general aspects of contact I know that I dont tell my ex wife what I do for work even though she does try and find out via our child. She knows what industry but aside from that nothing more.

I think you need to focus him on his responsibilities to the children rather than worrying about his earning power and its effect on maintenance. As long as he pays and he sees the kids and plays a good role thats all that matters, dont get hung up on the minor details as it has a very negative effect.

cat04

Thanks Ford perfect, you are totally right that I've been a bit hung up over certain points, including his new job. The thing is, even if he did tell me, I would find it hard to know if he was telling me the whole truth as I find it very hard to trust what he says after the past 3 years of lies etc. Which would make me asking him a pointless exercise!

He had the girls over the weekend, and only turned up 20 minutes late which is a big step forward for him lol. He took them to his parent's house and from what they have said they've had a whale of a time and DD1 said she wished she could have stayed longer, and he actually brought them home in the time period he specified. We didn't really get chance to chat with the girls around, but he asked about how much he owed me for the school photos I ordered for him (after asking if he'd already paid me...erm, no, I hadn't even ordered them the last time I saw him lol), and he said that his parents would like to pick the girls up sometimes if that was ok with me, and take them to their caravan by the coast when the site opens again in March.
I didn't mention money or his job and things were quite amicable for once! I really am hoping that this is a fresh start for us and that recent events have kick-started him into action. I won't hold my breath....but I really do hope he knows that his girls can only see him as a 'not up to scratch' dad if that's the way he behaves, and that if he puts in the effort he can rebuild his relationship with him, which is good for everyone concerned

Thanks everyone for your advice and hopefully I won't need to be updating asking for further advice about the same thing any time soon