Advice needed about ex-hubby and contact/maintenence please

cat04

I have the CM paid into my old Nationwide account as I wasn't giving him my new joint account details due to having a few financial issues with him in the beginning 'stealing' the CB and CTC etc. I think it's playing silly !!!!!!s tonight because whatever I click on it comes up with the payments I'm due to pay out, even when clicking on unrelated things.

cat04

Wilma33 wrote: »

Last year, the first working day was the 2nd, which is 2 days eariler than this year. So this year it should appear 2 working days later than the 6th i.e. next Monday. Things might be ok!

Oooh, I hope so! Thank you

cat04

Morning all

I know it's still early and there is plenty of the day left, but I've just checked my bank account and there's still no CM payment. On Friday night I decided that if the money hadn't gone in by today I would write my ex a nice email. I did a bit of digging re the villa in Florida as that is what I think is causing the problem. If I'm right, he's up sh*t creek without a paddle as my mum would say. I think he might be in a bit of a financial mess with negative equity and the bank foreclosing on the property etc etc.

I don't want to go in with all barrels blazing and having a moan as I know that will just make things worse, so I'm going to try very hard and write a kind and civilised email to him to make sure he's ok etc and to let him know there won't be any large men knocking on his door sent by me lol. Hope we can sort something out between us one way or another, regarding the money and the children. Just got to psyc myself up for it now....

Savvy_Sue

you said his parents / gf had your phone number - do you have any contact details for them?

or could you contact him via his solicitor?

mind you, if the money isn't critical, I'd stay on the moral high ground and say you were concerned because he hadn't been in touch over Christmas, NOT because the £300 hadn't arrived!

you'll still be in the wrong for some reason, but at least it won't be that one ...

pupsicola

Its completely up to you how you handle this.

Regardless of the mess he has made of his financial affairs, his kids are still his responsibility, financially and emotionally. He hasn't shown any thought for them whatsoever. Just completely cutting contact with them out of the blue must have been awful for them. It does look as if he has stopped the CM too without any thought to the kids welfare or how you would cope.

I would keep the email polite but wouldn't let him off the hook about it. If he feels you are sympathising with him he wont realise the impact of his actions.

cat04

Savvy_Sue - Yes I do have phone numbers for his home address (if he's still there - apparently rented and DD1 told me a while ago that she had gone with them to look round a house - where they buying it I asked, 'no,' she says 'we just went to look at someones house' as if it's normal to go and look round the homes of strangers!), mobile work and his parents number. I really, really don't like talking to him on the phone as he gets me flustered/wound up etc and tries to turn what I say round to suit himself. I've sent the email not so long ago, and it allowed me to set out what I wanted to say in a calm, polite way, but letting him know of his PR/obligations etc. Lets see what he comes up with. The amount of lies - both big and small that have come out of his mouth, I now just take whatever he says with a pinch of salt

pupsicola

I have been thinking of you. I really do hope you get a respectfull and helpfull response from him

cat04

pupsicola wrote: »

I have been thinking of you. I really do hope you get a respectfull and helpfull response from him

Thank you Pupsicola At the moment I'm not even sure I'll get a response, but you never know, he may surprise me and sort it all out first time :rotfl:

I'll update once I hear anything. Time for bed now though - couldn't get to sleep last night for thinking through what I'd write in my email today and his possible responses/reasons etc and now I'm shattered x

Savvy_Sue

cat04 wrote: »

I really, really don't like talking to him on the phone as he gets me flustered/wound up etc and tries to turn what I say round to suit himself.

that's why I asked about his parents / gf. It's the kind of situation where someone might phone his parents and say "I suppose Fred is OK, only he didn't phone the children over Christmas and I've not heard from him since October."

of course he can still twist it, but if Fred was my son he'd get a flea in his ear at the very least. Mind you if they were my DGDs I'd have wanted to keep in touch with them / you in any case, and I guess they don't?

ema_o

Cat, it's not your responsibility to force your ex to keep in touch with your girls, so don't feel bad that you've not done it until now. If you don't hear back I would be inclined to do as Savvy Sue suggests.