MSE Parents Club Part 16

moonbeam2007

happy35 wrote: »

my DS is now 15 but when he was little he didn't stay anywhere as I just hated being without him, he didn't really stay away from home until he was about 6 and asked to stay at a friends house. I did let him stay but lay awake all night worrying about him.

I do still worry but have managed to let go a bit as he has grown older but dont think there is anything wrong with what you are doing, you know how you feel and if you are happy your little one will be happy

DS slept in the same bed as me and his dad until he was about 5 and even after that came in with us if he woke in the night for at least another year

Mine is still in my bed, if I try to take him to his room he asks me to sleep on the floor and then I wake up with him on the floor with me lol

nickyhutch

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

I had him why on earth would I want a break from him.

Thank you

Maybe just to show him that there is life beyond Mummy? You may be making it hard for him and yourself later when he has to be apart from you for longer periods than nursery.

moonbeam2007

hitatotatus wrote: »

Don't worry. :A
You sound like me and, I am sure, many other mums. I was very "intense" with my children and think it is natural as your first instinct is to protect your child. The time will come when you need to start to loosen the apron strings (about 12 years old imo!) and that will feel natural too.
It is my policy not to allow sleepovers at friends, although they stay with their grandparents and aunt and uncles occassionally.
Also, would certainly not leave them until they were old enough to express themselves, just in case something untoward happened - not nice to contemplate but what with the nursery scares lately it is something to consider (a new case today too!). They need to be old enough to tell you when something is wrong.

God don't get me started on that it worries me sick. I can't believe we put our trust into these places and children end up getting hurt :mad:

It took so much to let him go to Nursery but I make sure my son knows even at age 3 that his 'bits' are his and he is to tell Mummy if anyone else but Mummy touches them. I told him when he was having a bath 'Mummy washes you, that's ok, but they are yours and no one is to touch them' In this day and age we have to teach our children young but it back fired on me.

My son was in Nursery and the teacher took him to the toilet he said ''you no touch my billy [thats what he calls it] I tell me Mama'' :embarasse
But at least he gets the idea

moonbeam2007

nickyhutch wrote: »

Maybe just to show him that there is life beyond Mummy? You may be making it hard for him and yourself later when he has to be apart from you for longer periods than nursery.

When he's older I'd agree but he's only 3. I just feel at that age he's too young

Mme.Hibou

Most of my friends seem happy and able to leave their babies with their families and I often get asked when I'll be doing it too. He's my baby (2 in a month's time) and I just don't feel the need to have him stay away from home without me. We do sometimes stay with my family whils.t my husband is working, but I am his primary care giver, and like you say, I don't feel that I need a break.
We got married when he was 10 months old, we had people offering to have him overnight before and after the wedding, we declined their offers and he slept in our room the whole time.

You know what's best for your child, and don't let anyone try and tell you otherwise. You're doing a great job by the sounds of it.

moonbeam2007

Mme.Hibou wrote: »

Most of my friends seem happy and able to leave their babies with their families and I often get asked when I'll be doing it too. He's my baby (2 in a month's time) and I just don't feel the need to have him stay away from home without me. We do sometimes stay with my family whils.t my husband is working, but I am his primary care giver, and like you say, I don't feel that I need a break.
We got married when he was 10 months old, we had people offering to have him overnight before and after the wedding, we declined their offers and he slept in our room the whole time.

You know what's best for your child, and don't let anyone try and tell you otherwise. You're doing a great job by the sounds of it.

Aww Thank you

I get it in the ear SO,,,,,, much really drives me crazy just wish they'd stop asking and see I love my son and he's only 3 not 33 :rotfl:

meritaten

I am a nan who has had all the grandkids for sleepovers from when they were babies. and you stick to your guns hun! if your child is happy to be with you and you dont feel the need for respite care..........then both of you are happy and its NO-ONES business to tell you to 'let go'! be different if your child WANTED to go for sleepover and you refused!

milliebear00001

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

Ok here goes.

My lovely son is 3 yrs old and I am being told that I 'need to let go a bit'.

He goes to Nursery a few sessions for 2 1/2 hours but that's not the problem. I have not let him stay away from home not with anyone as I feel he is 1] very young - no rush 2] he likes being with Mummy and I love being with him too

But it's driving me mad being told 'you need to let go' 'your not doing the right thing for him' WHY??? he's 3 not 23.

Now granted he hasn't stayed anywhere, only once when I was taken into hospital over night and left the next morning I was with him by 9am and hated it not being with him. I worry I really worry and maybe Yes I worry too,,, much but he's my whole world and I really enjoy our time together. I don't need a break as people sometimes say, I don't NEED him to go away for a weekend or over night.

He only has me, his Dad has spend past 3 years popping in and out his life and hasn't seen him since july last year. I am over protective of him but isn't all Mum's??

Am I being wrong by not letting him stay away? He doesn't seem to want to when he's asked but I'm told that's my fault.

Don't know what to think

I think (and I may be shot down in flames for this) that there has been a growing move over the last ten years or so, to persuade people (especially mothers) that it is desirable for young children to get lots of stimulation outside the home, and lots of exposure to as many different people as possible. I suspect this has a lot to do with the growing need for young children to be in nursery because both parents have to work.

There isn't a scrap of evidence to suggest that very young children need any relationships at all beyond their own (loving and involved) families. What the evidence does show, is that they need an incredibly strong emotional bond with one or two people in their lives. Sounds like your son has this is spades and you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

He will naturally withdraw from you as he gets older. Enjoy the strength of your bond now, while it lasts, and be reassured that you are giving him the best start anybody could.

P.S. not that it's really relevant, but my two never stayed overnight with grandparents until they were four. They didn't want to, and neither did we. There is nothing wrong with them staying the odd night away though - if that is what all parties are happy with.

jayII

Ignore them, 3 year olds need love, protection and security above all else. My two never stayed at friends houses until they were 6 or more, and then only at their reequest, and with their closest friends, whose families we knew well. They stayed at grandparents houses, but that is a different situation.

Sleepovers are great fun for older children, but what would a 3 year old gain from staying away from his home?

Mme.Hibou

nickyhutch wrote: »

Maybe just to show him that there is life beyond Mummy? You may be making it hard for him and yourself later when he has to be apart from you for longer periods than nursery.

Overnight is totally different. I rarely stayed away from home as a child. I'm one of six and we always felt like my parents wanted us there, not shipping us out to relatives.