MSE Parents Club Part 16

LilacPixie

He is your son and it is up to you to parent him as you see fit. Personally my 2 girls are 2 and 4, I am heavy pregnant with baby number 3. Over the last 10 weeks I have had 12 overnight stays in hospital due to problems with the pregnancy, I am very very thankful that both girls have had 'sleepovers' with both sets of grandparents in the past and both my parents and my inlaws have bedrooms with beds for the kids, Fifi or Dora bedding and generally just have a nice room waiting for them (ony grandkids both sides). For us it means you can say mummy needs to stay in hospital for a few nights because she is sick and you will be staying with XXX and the girls are all excited and its one less worry for me because I know the girls view sleep overs at grandparents as a treat and will not be anxious about it at all. TBH this pregnancy has enough issues as it is without adding worry about how the girls are coping without me. It also allows DH to focus his attention on me knowing the girls are safe and happy and that he will get a call if any issues rather than feeling torn.

I think its all about what is best for you and your child/children. I feel 2 and 4 way to young for friend sleep overs.

nuttybabe

i have 3 kids, oldest is 6. i have had about 3 nights off in those 6 years. The last one i was nagging hubby to come home at 8am!! weekends are for fun with the kids so why should anyone else take that away from us.

saying that, i know people who moan about their kids all week and then moan the odd occasion when they have their kids for the weekend as they cant go out. But i think why have kids if you dont want them in your life and want to go out clubbing all the time? i do wonder how the kids feel about that!!!!

Do what is best for you!

shellsuit

There's only one person, apart from my husband, who I trust with our little man and that's my Dad.

I'm with him 24/7 and on the odd occasion when we go out, my Dad will stop over here to have him (and watch the older 2 too).

He's never stayed anywhere else bar home for the night (apart from when we've been on holiday) and nobody else has ever taken him out.

We get lots of visitors, who come to see us and him, but I'll sit there and watch them with him and think "there's nooooo way I'd ever let you have him on his own!". Just some of the things they do drives me up the wall! (Like giving him something when I've said not to and laughing when he falls over and hurts himself or when he's crying because he's tired etc)

The only thing I'd suggest to stop is the sleeping with you because it's such a hard habit to break. I did it with my daughter (till she was about 4) and wish I'd never as it was a nightmare trying to get her to sleep in her own bed!

Valli

it really is people's OWN business how they choose to parent their kids...I was told, by my mum, when my two were small that she wouldn't have them so me and OH (as I was still wed then) could go on holiday. Personally - and this is my own opinion -I think it's sad when parents choose to holday withour their kids but that's not why I'm 'chipping in'.

My kids have had sleepovers with friends whose parents I have got to know. As long as there are smoke alarms in the house I don't worry overmuch. But this was when they were in y5/Y6 - not toddlers. Equally when the kids have mates here I show the visitors where the keys are so they can get out if necessary. I also tell them I expect them to get out if they can.

My daughter (now 15) has a friend who comes here for sleepovers yet this girl CANNOT go shopping with her mates; she's not allowed out. In other words she isn't developing strategies for coping in the big, wide world.

DD does go, with friends, by train to Meadowhall. We've had a couple of near misses...like the time they went TO Meadowhall on the LEEDS train so though they could come back here on the LEEDS train (er no, it's going TO LEEDS)...but they're learning...

That's the job of parents IMO...teach them HOW to cope. When I used to take the kids to town I used to 'drip feed' them with 'what if' scenarios - e.g.

what would you do if you got separated from Mum?.. ' go into a shop and ask a shop lady...' and so on.

And it was never just once. They have to learn how to do things, how to catch buses, what to do if they lose money/phone/get lost etc and (possibly more important) where to go for help.

But it hasn't always gone smoothly. I have had to pick them up from sleepovers before - from my sisters where they are usually MORE than comfortable being...shame she's an hour away!

penguin83

I spent my first night away from my 2 last year when they were 5 and 7. They stayed at my Mum and Dad's house and loved it and since then have stayed 4/5 times. I have never spent more than 1 night away from them and never would while they are this age. That's my personal choice though and what other people are comfortable with is entirely up to them. A few friends of mine have left their babies/young children with family and gone on holiday without them. Not something I could do but they are not my children so who am I to comment. xx

MadDogWoman_2

Delain - I'm sure this one could be adapted

http://www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/recipe-orangecake.html

I've been busy prepping for the Sunday School Session I'm leading, I had the crazy idea of doing a 3d picture to represent the parable of The Lost Sheep - lots of cutting out and gluing.

lindseykim13

Just a pointer here some people seem to be sugesting that the ops ds has no relashonship with other family and if something dramatic happened the poor child wouldn't know who he was being looked after!? The op didn't say that they never see anyone just that she is with him when they do.
I've had to go to hospital on a few occasions and the grandparents have come to our house to watch the kids usually at night. The kids didn't have a problem with it and understood what was going on when they woke and coped with it well. Made no difference that they hadn't been for sleepovers at their house before they were in their own home and knew nanny & grandad well enough to go back to sleep.

As for letting him sleep in your bed- it's not a problem my 8 & 6yr old used to sleep in the bed & my 16mth old currently does with me and DH not much room but hey ho! They slowly started sleeping in their own beds from age 5 up and now both the older 2 stay there. So it can work and i'm carrying it on with my dd. You should do what works for you.

Ms_Magnetite

DD has been staying with her father every fortnight since she was 5. Had she not been used to going on occasional trips to Nanny & Granddad, I think it would have been harder for her. As it is, she still doesn't want to spend more than a week at a time with him in the summer. (she's 11). In fact she asked to come home early the previous 2 years when she was to be there for a fortnight.

Her main complaint on school trips were the kids that kept the whole dorm/room up all night because they were crying for Mummy/screaming that Mummy lets them sleep with the light on. Of course, she was kind and comforting, but on getting home she would complain about the lack of sleep.

And the kids that never went anywhere as Mum wanted them at home were written off as 'not quite right' by year 6. Earlier if they weren't left at parties.


But that is a long way off for you. At 3 she had been away for about 2 nights in her life.

So there is no reason to think that a toddler is going to become a clingy 9 year old.

Enjoy the time.

mumslave

moonbeam2007 wrote: »

Ok here goes.

My lovely son is 3 yrs old and I am being told that I 'need to let go a bit'.

He goes to Nursery a few sessions for 2 1/2 hours but that's not the problem. I have not let him stay away from home not with anyone as I feel he is 1] very young - no rush 2] he likes being with Mummy and I love being with him too

But it's driving me mad being told 'you need to let go' 'your not doing the right thing for him' WHY??? he's 3 not 23.

Now granted he hasn't stayed anywhere, only once when I was taken into hospital over night and left the next morning I was with him by 9am and hated it not being with him. I worry I really worry and maybe Yes I worry too,,, much but he's my whole world and I really enjoy our time together. I don't need a break as people sometimes say, I don't NEED him to go away for a weekend or over night.

He only has me, his Dad has spend past 3 years popping in and out his life and hasn't seen him since july last year. I am over protective of him but isn't all Mum's??

Am I being wrong by not letting him stay away? He doesn't seem to want to when he's asked but I'm told that's my fault.

Don't know what to think

No you are not overprotective. At three, its about what they want, not what other people want. Mason, my son, is 2 and has never spent a night with anyone else, without me being there. Same as my girls didnt. 4 upwards they start wanting to go stay elsewhere with the understanding you wont be there. At three, they still may feel unsettled and want mum. Nothing overprotective about it.

Becles

This thread doesn't make sense again. I wish they wouldn't merge random other threads into it as people get missed when they need support