Bitter sister in law

FATBALLZ

Alittlesad wrote: »

Ok, I know all about overpopulation and perhaps I am selfish but we had our selfish reasons for wanting number three.
I should also say that the "overpopulation" argument she uses now was not present years ago when she was in the market for marriage and children. It does seem to be something she has only brought up in recent years. Maybe I'm just being cynical but it's easy for someone who never had children because circumstances ensured they didn't to say that they did it to save the planet.
I don't want to provoke a debate on the issue but really wanted to see if there was a way to deal with someone like her.

Of course, it is a whole other topic of debate, I have a child myself so I'm not some sort of ultra-green, but what I was trying to get at is that it's maybe a bit unfair to completely write off her comments as 'bitterness', as there is a strong argument for her point of view.

That said it does seem pretty obvious that she has some issues with how she talks to people and why she felt the need to cause problems between the two of you with an opinion that isn't going to change anything except cause bad feeling. I have people like this in my family and my solution is to ignore them Although maybe if she does go through with her threat, you might need to buy your new arrival presents yourself to compensate for them getting one less than your other kids...

Alittlesad

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Of course, it is a whole other topic of debate, I have a child myself so I'm not some sort of ultra-green, but what I was trying to get at is that it's maybe a bit unfair to completely write off her comments as 'bitterness', as there is a strong argument for her point of view.

That said it does seem pretty obvious that she has some issues with how she talks to people and why she felt the need to cause problems between the two of you with an opinion that isn't going to change anything except cause bad feeling. I have people like this in my family and my solution is to ignore them Although maybe if she does go through with her threat, you might need to buy your new arrival presents yourself to compensate for them getting one less than your other kids...

Thank you. All I can say is that (in the context of the bigger picture of her personality, which obviously no one on here can know) her opinions seem more mean that green.

flashnazia

If I was her I would be a bit peeved that I would have to buy presents X 3 every time it Xmas, birthdays etc. Maybe that's where her comment about presents came from?

kindofagilr

Alittlesad wrote: »

I'm looking for some advice please.:o

My husband and I delightedly announced at Christmas that I am pregnant with our third child.:j

She always said that she would have a problem with us having another child and has said now that she is very disappointed in us and won't be buying presents for this child as it is just adding to the overpopulation of this country.

Congrats on the pregnancy

I would ignore her and tell her if she doesnt feel she can treat baby in the same way as she treats your other two, then you dont want anything off her at all for the other two kids either as that would show favouriteism and the baby will be sad (when s/he is older obv lol)

People who spout this overpopulation thing annoy the flip out of me, as far as I am concerened if you can afford more than one kid, have as many as you can afford if you want to (plus she hasnt got any so you could be having her share of kids lol) there are plenty of people without kids who dont want kids to cancel out the "extra" kids peopel have (I know some people will disagree)

Googlewhacker

kindofagilr wrote: »

Congrats on the pregnancy

I would ignore her and tell her if she doesnt feel she can treat baby in the same way as she treats your other two, then you dont want anything off her at all for the other two kids either as that would show favouriteism and the baby will be sad (when s/he is older obv lol)

People who spout this overpopulation thing annoy the flip out of me, as far as I am concerened if you can afford more than one kid, have as many as you can afford if you want to (plus she hasnt got any so you could be having her share of kids lol) there are plenty of people without kids who dont want kids to cancel out the "extra" kids peopel have (I know some people will disagree)

Thing is can most people afford these kids or are they all 'topped' up with benefits!

Bennifred

jcr16 wrote: »

hermoine, we got asked that alot with our 3rd, was the pregnancy planned.
?

Was the pregnancy planned?:eek: How very rude to ask - what business is it of theirs? Why not just come right out and ask intimate questions about your sex life?!:mad:

KiKi

Alittlesad wrote: »

... but it's easy for someone who never had children because circumstances ensured they didn't to say that they did it to save the planet.

...or maybe she says that because the overwhelming sadness of not having children of her own is too much for her.

It's not easy to say 'I did it to save the planet' at all. Not at ALL; I don't know where you get that idea from. But it's easier to say that than to share with someone the grief of not having a family or children that you so desperately want.

I don't think what she said about excluding your child is right - not at all. And you're right to stand up to that. But maybe her statement isn't 'green' OR 'mean'. Maybe she's just very sad and lonely and doesn't know how to express that to anyone. Not everyone has the luxury of people to talk to, friends to confide in and families who really make an effort, so pushing people away becomes easier.

KiKi

*Robin*

I wonder if the sister-in-law is an undiagnosed Aspie?

..Just a thought.

emerald_starcat

Even though I don't agree with what she said, maybe there is a reason for it. Your sister-in-law may not be able to have children and feels a resentment to people that can. Why not talk to her one to one and ask why she reacted why she did.

Indie_Kid

hermoine wrote: »

When I told people about my 3rd child many asked if it was planned - she was - rather than congratualtions.

I would be tempted to tell them to mind their own business. Whether the baby is planned, is between you two. I have a few opinions (not repeating them on here) regarding a friends' wifes' pregnancy, However, I would never say it to his face. (I'm not like him - he said something to me, which upset me a lot. He then replied with "I know what I said; but that's how it sometimes feels")