Bitter sister in law

BitterAndTwisted

She's sad that she didn't have any children herself by the sounds of it, and this is her self-protection mechanism. I once worked with someone for a very long time who claimed to hate kids. She was the one who adopted two children from South America some time later. It transpired that she and her husband had been trying to conceive for over 20 years.

Alittlesad

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Is her argument an environmental one? In which case, does she follow this through in other ways...use renewable fuels, avoid short-haul flights, not have a pet, recycle, avoid unnecessary car use et.c....or is she just picking on the one thing she is unlikely to do anyway to prove she is "green"?

I have a (dear) colleague who harangues me about expecting my third child, I'm afraid I just take the mick because he has a dog, and a gas guzzling land rover...and more cars than people in his household:rotfl:

eta when MIL discovered we were expecting again, she said "was it planned?" instead of the more traditional "congratulations".

She is very green. We are as green as we can be and quite responsible by most standards but she is very self righteous about her green credentials and never misses an opportunity to ram her opinions down my throat.

themull1

Alittlesad wrote: »

Wow, thanks for all the quick replies.

To answer how my husband feels, he's not that close to her but feels responsible for her as she has no other family and has led a lonely life.
We have all just put up with her rants before about children but were flabbergasted when she made it personal.She doesn't seem very fond of my 2 children anyway.[/QUOTE

Thats the trouble, been allowed to walk over everyone for too long, because everyone feels sorry for her, and no one wasnts to rock the boat. Tough, your mil and fil should have told her to shut up, or even your husband.

pupsicola

She has been incredibly rude and insensitive. How many children a couple have is their business and it is abhorent of her to say what she has.

It is very telling that she is in her fifties and has no family of her own. I should think she is absolutley green with envy of the happy, growing family that you have. She probably greatly regrets having missed out on that aspect of life herself.

My stepmum was an absolute nightmare when I first had kids. She said some awful things and tried to suggest all the time that I was a useless mother. Turns out when I confronted her about her behaviour that she was terribly envious of me. In her thirties she had to have a hysterectomy and couldn't have any more children (she already had 3). She admitted she had never got over it.

Ignore her and please accept my huge congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope other family members were thrilled and made you feel very special.

mandi

Personally I don't think it's " bitterness" but jealousy.

You have a loving husband & a family everything she has probably wanted & will now never have .

Don't be hurt or angry by her comments , but don't pity her either, regardless of what she is thinking she would have been wiser keeping her thoughts to herself , making comments like this probably gives her the attention that she craves albeit the wrong kind .

pupsicola

themull1 wrote: »

Alittlesad wrote: »

Wow, thanks for all the quick replies.

To answer how my husband feels, he's not that close to her but feels responsible for her as she has no other family and has led a lonely life.
We have all just put up with her rants before about children but were flabbergasted when she made it personal.She doesn't seem very fond of my 2 children anyway.[/QUOTE

Thats the trouble, been allowed to walk over everyone for too long, because everyone feels sorry for her, and no one wasnts to rock the boat. Tough, your mil and fil should have told her to shut up, or even your husband.

Very well said. I find it most bizarre that someone can get to her age and still have people walking on eggshells round them because they pity them. She is behaving like a spoilt child. Im amazed your parents in law and hubby didn't tell her how out of order she was being. Family loyalty can stretch too far.

edwina_b

Alittlesad wrote: »

Sorry but if you knew her you would know what I mean. She comes across as bitter in many areas of her life. I'm sure she is just expressing her honest opinion but that doesn't mean it's not borne out of bitterness.
I have honest opinions about her lifestyle but I choose not to share them with her.

Maybe you should; a little straight talking may do her good. It has absolutely nothing to do with her how many children you have. Sometimes people are nasty just because they can get away with it. Don't let her spoil the excitement you feel at this wonderful news.
Congratulations.
edwina

Tesco_points_addict

I would send her a letter, explain that although you understand everyone has different views you are hurt by her outburst.

Explain that if she does not want to buy presents for the child you understand, however say that you don't want the child to be singled out so could she please not buy anything for the other children either.

Try to keep things calm, but have your say.

Good luck and congratulations.

TPAx

jcr16

i feel ur pain hun. it is horrible when others feel their need to express their points of views espechially when they know it will upset you.

i don't have any problem with honesty. but if someone is only gonna say something to be hurtful, then sometimes i better to keep quiet.

When i was pregnant with our 3rd we were so excited. yet we got comments like, oh you don't have a tv then, trying for a football team. and even on mum who is desperate for a 3rd said' you can't have a 3rd . it will have 3rd child syndrome and it unfair on the child and the middle child.Ok so they only little comments ,but when you have a much loved and wanted little life growing in your body it feels very hurtful.
i'm currently pregnant at the mo. and no one knows apart from hubby and i and thats how were keeping it for as long as poss.( told hubby i'd happily move away and start a new life and not tell anyone till after baby born) ok i've posted here , but no one knows me on here.

i always remember when i had our 3rd we didn't find out the sex. when he was born i phoned my mum and said i've had a little boy. her responce was. Oh ! what a shame i was hoping for a girl. I felt gutted, but my hubby i and love our children and thats most important.


but congrats to you and your oh, don't let anyone spoil your excitement. even tho at times it is hard.

pupsicola

jcr16 wrote: »

I remember when i had our 3rd we didn't find out the sex. when he was born i phoned my mum and said i've had a little boy. her responce was. Oh ! what a shame i was hoping for a girl. I felt gutted, but my hubby i and love our children and thats most important.

:eek::eek::eek: What an awful thing to say about her grandchild:eek::eek::eek: