Bitter sister in law

duchy

A lot of women in their fifties hit menopause and realize their last chance of motherhood is gone. Maybe your announcement timed badly with her biological clock. I don't think there's much point in getting into direct conflict with her-her family have allowed her to do it for too long. She's not going to change. She doesn't sound like the type who will be popping in -and you've said she and your husband aren't close so just leave her to get on with it. It's her loss not to share in the joy of an addition to the family-and it's not worth getting upset or angry. Why waste emotion on her ?

Just enjoy your pregnancy and if when the baby comes she persists in her attitude then write the letter respectfully acknowledging her views but explaining ALL your children are treated the same and you can't accept presents for some when another is excluded. Chances are by then though she'll have shared this daft view with people and they have pointed out how nuts it makes her look -or her feelings of loss at not having a child herself have diminished.

Either way-stick it on the backburner for now and just enjoy the pregnancy.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Could always tell her to send money instead.

You can divide that 3 ways quite easily.

And point out that you're still evens as she hasn't reproduced herself. Although by number 4 - 7, she might have a point...


[not that I'm suggesting this seriously, but wouldn't you just love to see her face when she hears you suggest having 7?]

Don't let it worry you. Just don't accept the two presents from the unhappy old besom.

jcr16

i know, i'd only been out theatre for a short while, so wasn't expectng that. but she speaks without thinking. so i just let it go over me now. i'm sure she didn't mean it horrible, and she dotes on my youngest. she just don't think.

Counting_Pennies_2

I have just spent Christmas with a very bitter and twisted Spinster aunt of my OH.

Everyone indulges in her, my nieces nephews and indeed my children even call her Granny, and my mother in law is willing to indulge this to help her feel part of the family and not an outsider.

She had my children on her bed to open the stockings, didn't even think we might like to be involved too. We lay there just listening in. Again, indulging her.

I have to say though that she has a tongue on her, and I have bitten mine in order not to create a scene. But at Christmas it really was the limit. We cooked Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We were at the inlaws house and were allotted those cooking duties! On the evening following Boxing Day, she took it upon herself to say what I was discussing with another relative was boring, not interested in it, really didn't want to hear another thing. She has openly criticised me, belittled me, and I just had enough. I said that is ok, I am speaking to *****, she said been there done that, not interested. I said I didn't realise I was boring her, and got up to leave the room. She then asked what the outcome was. I ignored her and left the room.

The reason for me replaying the above scenario is that I think these spinsters who have lived for some time just don't realise that they have to temper what they say. No one has ever told them so. People feel sorry for them and they just let them get away with things.

I was furious at yet another put down, rudeness, and not a single recognition of the work we have done.

We left the following morning and I refused to have an indepth conversation with her. Still don't want to talk on the phone.

On our next meet up I have decided if she is rude to me, I shall be polite but firm, that it is her opinion, but that mine is ****, we shall have to beg to differ.

In response to your situation, I would say as above, but follow on that you don't want to see differences with your children, so if she won't get presents for your little one, you would sooner she didn't for any of the children so there is fairness.

I think a nice rebuff will do her good.

Take care

tessie_bear

i feel your pain...my sister in law is a complete s0w...i wouldnt comment on her 'opinions' and let her get on with it....i find with mine if i comment it encourages her

ceridwen

PasturesNew wrote: »

Why is her opinion/honesty "bitter"?

It's just her opinion, which differs from yours.

What is the "evidence" that she is a bitter person? You view her that way - but others may well not.

She is in a very difficult situation. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute - imagine you ARE her.

Right - you have the views she has and someone extremely close to you (ie your brother) announces they are going to have a 3rd child.

Now - what way can you (in her place) react that will keep both her brother and her principles happy?

In all honesty - what can you suggest that she should have done in her position? What would you like her to have done - ie something that would keep you happy and enable her to continue to be true to herself?

These ARE genuine questions. What DO you think she should have done/said in her position? What would you have done if you were her and had her views?

Plans_all_plans

What she should have said ceridwen is "You seem to be over the moon. Clearly you think this is good news for the pair of you."

If she is the type to say something so blatant about overpopulation to their faces then they are already well aware of her views on overpopulation (as she clearly is not the type to be able to keep quiet) and they don't agree with her.

She doesn't need to restate the point to them and she could have either said something nice (like I have quoted above) which is not a gushing statement, or she should have kept resolutely quiet. Throwing in the bit about not buying presents for the child is just petty and childish!

edwina_b

ceridwen wrote: »

What is the "evidence" that she is a bitter person? You view her that way - but others may well not.

She is in a very difficult situation. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute - imagine you ARE her.

Right - you have the views she has and someone extremely close to you (ie your brother) announces they are going to have a 3rd child.

Now - what way can you (in her place) react that will keep both her brother and her principles happy?

In all honesty - what can you suggest that she should have done in her position? What would you like her to have done - ie something that would keep you happy and enable her to continue to be true to herself?

These ARE genuine questions. What DO you think she should have done/said in her position? What would you have done if you were her and had her views?

What she said would not change the situation and could only cause bad feeling. If she could not attempt to be pleasant then she should keep her mouth firmly shut!

DVardysShadow

A number of opinions for telling her not to bother with presents for the older 2 if she won't give to the youngest. While I agree with the underlying principle, I don't favour either telling her or writing to her just yet! The reason is, that if you tell her not to buy for any of them before she has faced the issues of her stupid remark, it lets her right off the hook. In this position, I would let her stew and confront the consequences of her remark when she has to make her own choice as to whether to buy for child no 3. If she sticks to her promise, that is time to start throwing presents back. But if she relents, the conversation and the remark are best forgotten.

hermoine_2

When I told people about my 3rd child many asked if it was planned - she was - rather than congratualtions. When I told them I was expecting my 4th they just looked embarrassed!

TBH I do not see why anyone has to pass opinion at all.

H