Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

delain

mommyme wrote: »

Sorry if this is full of spelling mistakes, am on mobile. Ex's GF will not allow me to know where she lives, ex agree's, says there's no need. I obviously know where his mum etc is and if I sent police then surly they'd go get DD?

Ex is refusing to speak to me now, I've asked him and his GF to come over to sort it but they've refused.

Generally don't rely on him for cash, had £800 savings but my car's gearbox dropped out today and my flipping tumble dryers died so I need to spend my savings which is leaving this month very tight. Without his maintainence we'll just break below even so will sort a budget out.

I've pointed out a fold up bed to ex this morning, he just shrugged his shoulders. I don't get why, even if there isn't space in the GF's DD's room, why can't they set my DD a bed up in another room, say for example, the living room?

Ex said he's stopping maintainence until DNA and that he's going to take me to court. He knows he's affecting my OCD and will probably use it against me but I've got logs of violence etc so he'll get as good as get.

Can I refuse access for not knowing where DD is? I have asked for the address countless times but always get told I don't need to know?

Sorry if I've missed some points, limited access on phone

Thank you for all your replies x

Yes you can refuse. In court, and you MUST go to court for your DD sake - he sounds a total kn0bhead - you will look responsible and sensible. Even if he doesn't want you to know, there should be some sort of 'bridge' IYSWIM, like his mum or a friend who can tell you if he tries to keep DD or not otherwise.

That wasn't very clear was it :rotfl: I know what I meant

shellsuit

mommyme wrote: »

Sorry if this is full of spelling mistakes, am on mobile. Ex's GF will not allow me to know where she lives, ex agree's, says there's no need. silly cow, there is every need!! (cow = not you, her lol) I obviously know where his mum etc is and if I sent police then surly they'd go get DD? not the point, you should know where she is 24/7.

Ex is refusing to speak to me now, I've asked him and his GF to come over to sort it but they've refused. Then leave them to it, the irresponsible idiots.

Generally don't rely on him for cash, had £800 savings but my car's gearbox dropped out today and my flipping tumble dryers died so I need to spend my savings which is leaving this month very tight. Without his maintainence we'll just break below even so will sort a budget out.

I've pointed out a fold up bed to ex this morning, he just shrugged his shoulders. I don't get why, even if there isn't space in the GF's DD's room, why can't they set my DD a bed up in another room, say for example, the living room? Forget the bed, this isn't important at all. If you don't know where they live, why worry over a bed, as she shouldn't be going there anyway without you knowing the address.

Ex said he's stopping maintainence until DNA and that he's going to take me to court. He knows he's affecting my OCD and will probably use it against me but I've got logs of violence etc so he'll get as good as get.

Can I refuse access for not knowing where DD is? I have asked for the address countless times but always get told I don't need to know? Yes you can refuse and I would ASAP! Why won't they tell you? What are they trying to hide? They know where you live don't they, so what's the big secret?

Sorry if I've missed some points, limited access on phone

Thank you for all your replies x

Replies in red x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Yes you can refuse it. In fact you're being neglectful if you allow her to go without knowing, IMO. How would you know if the girlfriend's kid is on the at risk register, for example?

Mums have a habit of denying all knowledge where their offspring are. So you can't rely on this.



Try using Quidco for shopping. I've just ordered a sensor tumble dryer through there from Littlewoods, so it's more expensive in the long run, but I get cashback and the luxury of paying back a fiver a week (or more if I feel like it). My old White Knight dinosaur just about works, but I've got a new kitchen and don't want the nasty fluff going everywhere (no access for a vent hose, it is wheeled across the floor to the back door when I use it) and have decided it's time to deal with it rather than moaning about it!


I am not intentionally being hard on you, but you cannot be so passive with this. Now he is refusing to discuss it, then you have another advantage, as he has made it impossible for you to resolve this situation without involving lawyers. See the pit bull and give him the legal equivalent of a kick up the arz.

Let him threaten solicitors. He'll soon realise that he has to provide details, that he and his GF are up for scrutiny as well, that he can't dictate to you what you do. Especially as that would mean he has accepted parentage of the child and he is liable for maintenance

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'm trying to keep it out of court if I'm honest. He said he'll get her every weekend all weekend meaning I won't get any time with her (I work) and he said we won't be able to go away (?) He was having her sunday one week, then fri night till sunday afters the following week. Then he got with GF and it went to just on a sundat. Last fri was first over night for ages. He was meant to go back to original agreement sun one week, fri til sun following. Don't want a court to give him every weekend.

shellsuit

I very much doubt any court would let him have her every weekend, all weekend!

SUESMITH_2

if you go to court with evidence i doubt very much he will get what he wants -at the mo it seems like he is preying on your weaknesses and insecurities, apologies if i have read this wrong.

and as for his girlfriend, well she's a disgrace to the sisterhood isn't she?

stay strong!!!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

mommyme wrote: »

I'm trying to keep it out of court if I'm honest. He said he'll get her every weekend all weekend meaning I won't get any time with her (I work) and he said we won't be able to go away (?) He was having her sunday one week, then fri night till sunday afters the following week. Then he got with GF and it went to just on a sundat. Last fri was first over night for ages. He was meant to go back to original agreement sun one week, fri til sun following. Don't want a court to give him every weekend.

They wouldn't. Alternate at most. And you would be able to go away.


If you were doing all OK keeping it out of court, you wouldn't be posting here, would you?

Now make a list of solicitors that specialise in family law, get all your income details ready for the legal aid application and get dealing with your problems, rather than blocking every halfway useful suggestion that is made with something an idiot with something to gain from your helplessness has told you.



Then you can post a message like mine to someone else in the future.

Morty_007

mommyme wrote: »

I'm trying to keep it out of court if I'm honest. He said he'll get her every weekend all weekend meaning I won't get any time with her (I work) and he said we won't be able to go away (?) He was having her sunday one week, then fri night till sunday afters the following week. Then he got with GF and it went to just on a sundat. Last fri was first over night for ages. He was meant to go back to original agreement sun one week, fri til sun following. Don't want a court to give him every weekend.

He is GOING to say that!! He is a kn0b, as has already been suggested. He is playing with you because of your OCD i'd say. Go to CAB or speak to a solicitor...it's all very well him saying that he would be awarded custody of your DD every weekend...but would that actually suit him?? I can't imagine so....stay strong, come on. You need to FIGHT for this childs wellbeing. Try to stop letting him scare you into doing as he wants. Ditch the whole bed worry for the moment, stop o/n visits and get the custody thing sorted out formally before its too late. and FIND out where they live...tail them next time she is picked up if necessary but you NEED to know.

Good luck

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Originally I was told I wasn't to know address in case I went round (I wouldn't, am daft but not THAT daft)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Are you actually listening to anyone here?