Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

Morty_007

Hey You Nice to hear back from you. You sound like you are pretty together with all this at the moment. Well done. The reduced money can't be easy Hope the CSA won't be too long. The Ex's GF sounds like a right old piece of work!! Hopefully she won't stick around too long. Hopefully he will get sick of her stirring!!

x

clearingout

Morty_007 wrote: »

Hey You Nice to hear back from you. You sound like you are pretty together with all this at the moment. Well done. The reduced money can't be easy Hope the CSA won't be too long. The Ex's GF sounds like a right old piece of work!! Hopefully she won't stick around too long. Hopefully he will get sick of her stirring!!

x

don't count on it. New partners who behave like this are like dogs with bones, no way are they letting go. My ex's girlfriend drove round in a company car, took a salary from our business, lived in a property I co-owned, had my children share whilst hers had it's own room, smacked my children, forced the older to change the younger's nappy, took their toys off them, called me names in front of them etc. etc. etc. Wouldn't care, but she had the affair with my husband and I left her well alone (she's very welcome to him!) and he treats me dreadfully in his own right, she has nothing at all to fear! Every now and again, the ex wakes up to her and dumps her, but they always seem to get back together. Can't cope with being on his own!

OP - keep going. You're not on your own with this. My ex has recently moved 250 miles away and won't give an address so I'm going through the same crap. He's stopped contact (he thinks I'm seeing someone so I suspect his motive is to ruin that relationship more than anything by not giving me any free time) and the kids are miserable. He wont' even phone them and he won't answer the phone to me. Some guys just don't get it.

Bloomin_Freezing2

hi mommyme, I was wondering how things were going. Couple of things i'd like to 'say', as for ex asking you to text once a week telling how dd is...don't. By all means reply if he asks you, but it should be him texting you asking how she is, let him make some effort. Of course, he should tell his gf to get lost, he will see his dd. But he hasn't.

The csa said it'll be a 'few weeks', I hope for your sake it is but don't be crossing off the days just yet. My cousin had csa chase her ex, it took 1 year to get a payment, and he was responding to their letters! My hubby makes csa payments, I always keep them up to date, informing of housemoves, changes in income etc and it took them 5 months to change our payments. I was ringing them weekly asking why we hadn't had a new payment schedule.

Honestly the csa are pants! Glad i'm not on the receiving end waiting for them to get me any money.

Good luck with everything. Your poor dd, glad she is fond enough of your oh to call him daddy b!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Hm doubt Ex would get in touch, and i'm torn, one side of me is saying "sod him" and the other is saying "keep pushing for DD"

TBF he has paid maintainence, no way near what he should though but i suppose its better than nothing. I think when CSA get in touch he will cancel his S.O. He was contributing to a seperate account for DD (for when she's older) but i think he's cancelled this money already - I'm still putting money aside for her even if he doesnt. She's got more money in her bank than me! lol

I'd like to live in a fantasy where this doesnt affect DD but it's starting to show it is so its upsetting.

It's my birthday at end of month, then ex's week after - not sure where to send his birthday card from DD and/if i'm meant to get him a present?

Bloomin_Freezing2

By all means get him a card from dd, she's 3 isn't she? Get her to make him one, he should treasure that. I have all cards kept which my girls made me. Don't worry if you don't know where to send it to. keep hold of it until a) he gives you an address (unlikely) or b) wait until he collects his dd. I suppose you could send it to his parents? But again, why should you bother?

Oh and NO to the present!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

he still owes me a xmas pressie from DD lol OH was going to buy me something from DD, but ex said he would - magically never appeared.we brought him tickets to see a comedian and brought the GF some stuff from lush (Lush then told me i had to cancel card as may of been hacked!! wasnt happy!!)

he did buy DD though so cant complain (well i can - i told him i was buying a dolls house as it was half price - found it on MSE! - and he beat me to it!!!!!)

I'll send him a card to his mums address.

EDIT: yup - she's 3 and a pain in the backside right now!

jellyhead

Making him a card and sending it to his parents house sounds nice but unless your daughter asks where his present is then don't buy one. If you do, then something small and cheap like a bookmark (or she could make him one one of those too) is good enough, a child of 3 isn't going to wonder why you're not spending a lot.

He doesn't seem too bothered about choosing things for her to give to you, so he probably doesn't want that kind of involvement. If contact is resumed then the new girlfriend can do all of that if needs be.

Maybe by mothers day things will be more settled, that's a trickier one.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

AH - OH has already arranged to take DD down town for my birthday and mother's day to buy me presents. he said, and i quote "i'm not leaving it to that idiot to ruin the day"

obv not said in front of DD!

OH suspects Ex will be nasty around my birthday and mother's day as he knows how much they mean to me