Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Well, in my DD's contact order, it was every other weekend, three weeks in summer and the second half of the Christmas holiday. That meant I always had her for the lead up to Christmas and then he had her for New Year. It worked fine. New Year wasn't a big deal to me but it was to him and all his family - even bigger than Christmas from what I had seen of them. So you can make a general everyday order with the Christmas period having special arrangements.

Then there were extras as and when appropriate, the school plays where he was invited, midweek sleepovers (wasn't too keen on them, mind, they seemed to unsettle her most of all), blah blah blah. So he was there at 90% of events and special occasions, if not more.

As far as her birthday was concerned, it only fell on 'his' time on a couple of years, and I felt that it was probably fair to grin and bear it for those times.


Now stick to the solicitor and CSA. He'll soon work out that you aren't bluffing.

And remember that this is all going to benefit your DD in the long run - a safe contact period, maintenance, stability, no lessons that Daddies shout at Mummies and Mummies do as they are told, Mummy has no authority, etc - it's not about hurting him, whatever he may think.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Birthdays I'm not too fussed, I will still see DD in the morning and we have a party for her on the Saturday so thats ok.

Christmas is a big thing though ex wasnt bothered about seeing her xmas day but did want her boxing day and we went away when she came home. was a hassle - would rather he had her New Years

Bloomin_Freezing2

I'm pretty sure the csa will want his 5 most recent payslips. (unless things have changed in the last few years)

FatVonD

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

6. You can ask for a requirement that GF isn't present during contact/request that a contact centre/his mum's house is where he sees her.

I think this is great advice. His GF, for whatever reason, is insecure and jealous of you and no amount of trying to be reasonable (on your part) is going to change that. A contact centre would limit your contact with him which would make everyone happy.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

urgh

ex has kicked off at me because he's realised ive gone to the CSA. He's not happy, I think it'll be worse when he realises that they will take into account GF's Tax Credits

OH has had a letter from CSA about his son today too, His ex left him and has never let him know where their son is (he hasnt seen his son for 8 years - been looking for them but never found them), Shes now demanding back payments (£2k) - ex was paying CSA but for some reason CSA stopped taking the money (?) so we're just sorting that out also. We're going to solicitors to see if we can get access to his son next week

Soap Opera life or what :rotfl:

RAS

mommyme wrote: »

ex has kicked off at me because he's realised ive gone to the CSA. He's not happy, I think it'll be worse when he realises that they will take into account GF's Tax Credits

Dear ex

Personally, I would have preferred not to have involved the CSA.

If you had done what I originally asked and brought over your pay slips to discuss a reasonable amount of maintenance, it would not have been neccessary to go to them.

MM

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lol I said that

Just had a ding dong with OH, He's angry because im taking ex's phone calls, n partly because hes rang CSA to sort payments out for his child and they wont talk to him (dept closed)

Theres my weekend ruined

RAS

Maybe agree that when DD is not with ex, or due to call re weekend arrangments, you limit your contact with ex?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'm not calling ex, he's calling me and because i think its to do with DD's access/maintainence im answering phone.

I really didnt want it to get like this with ex, we initially wanted to be friends

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

mommyme wrote: »

I'm not calling ex, he's calling me and because i think its to do with DD's access/maintainence im answering phone.

I really didnt want it to get like this with ex, we initially wanted to be friends

How about when he calls next, a polite but firm 'I really think we're just going round in circles now, so I think we should probably leave it to the experts to sort out now, rather than wasting our time and money arguing about things. I'll let you know if anything important happens in the meantime. Bye.'