Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

jellyhead

oh, sorry about your greyhound

I laughed at the 'squirm away' comment too

Mupette

Jeese he does sound like a charmer.

Well if he wants a dna test, he is going to find out he needs to pay for it, if maintence is through csa he is going to see his debt go up and up if he is the prat he sounds like he is.

Don't worry kids work out for themselves which parent is being the idiot and at some point she won't want to know him

Morty_007

Lovely to see you are looking much stronger about this OP. You are going from strength to strength and are far more in control now. Keep it up hon xx

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

another update for you

Picked DD up from Nursery and her costs are in for her extra's - French lessons I have already paid for (ex said he would pay half, now says he cant afford to) and her Yoga is now in £22 (£2 a week)

I asked ex whether he was giving me half the cost (so £11) and he said "cant afford it" My OH said he will pay it so she can continue as she loves doing Yoga with her friends. I'm not saying anything to DD about this but if it comes to it and the costs are too high for everything do I explain I cant afford them on my own and her dad wont help (obviously explain it better than that!) Or just say "Mummy cant afford it"

Ex hasnt mentioned Sunday yet - Not sure whether to do what I did last week and give him until Friday 5pm and if he hasnt been in touch by then arrange plans (To be fair, DD already has plans - The party) If he isnt having DD then we'll go swimming on Sunday again (its cheaper) but if he is havign DD then we're going swimming on Saturday.

OR

Do I assume he's coming and get DD ready? (I know 100% he wouldnt just turn up on time to get DD and dont really want her to be disappointed. DD hasnt asked if she is going to her dads, shes more interested in swimming and the party!)

(Remember - He STILL hasnt given me an address yet)

At solicitors today, I am going to talk about the residency order. This is the 1/2 hour free session. Obviously i must get the residency, Should I mention anything else? (To be fair, I dont want to waste my money discussing his access)

shellsuit

mommyme wrote: »

another update for you

Picked DD up from Nursery and her costs are in for her extra's - French lessons I have already paid for (ex said he would pay half, now says he cant afford to) and her Yoga is now in £22 (£2 a week)

I asked ex whether he was giving me half the cost (so £11) and he said "cant afford it" My OH said he will pay it so she can continue as she loves doing Yoga with her friends. I'm not saying anything to DD about this but if it comes to it and the costs are too high for everything do I explain I cant afford them on my own and her dad wont help (obviously explain it better than that!) Or just say "Mummy cant afford it"

Ex hasnt mentioned Sunday yet - Not sure whether to do what I did last week and give him until Friday 5pm and if he hasnt been in touch by then arrange plans (To be fair, DD already has plans - The party) If he isnt having DD then we'll go swimming on Sunday again (its cheaper) but if he is havign DD then we're going swimming on Saturday.

OR

Do I assume he's coming and get DD ready? (I know 100% he wouldnt just turn up on time to get DD and dont really want her to be disappointed. DD hasnt asked if she is going to her dads, shes more interested in swimming and the party!)

(Remember - He STILL hasnt given me an address yet)

At solicitors today, I am going to talk about the residency order. This is the 1/2 hour free session. Obviously i must get the residency, Should I mention anything else? (To be fair, I dont want to waste my money discussing his access)

I wouldn't do anything to benefit him. Just carry on with your daughter, and IF he contacts you, you can then decide what to do, but I wouldn't be worrying about whether he's coming or not and whether to get your daughter ready ~ just make plans for the pair of you and deal with him as and when.

If he hasn't given you an address, then why would you be wondering whether to get her ready anyway? No address, no contact.

If you can't afford to pay for all her extras, I'd explain that Mummy hasn't got enough money for them all (don't badmouth Dad, it'll only come back to bite you on the backside) so would she like to choose which one/s she would like to do.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

I wouldn't do anything to benefit him. Just carry on with your daughter, and IF he contacts you, you can then decide what to do, but I wouldn't be worrying about whether he's coming or not and whether to get your daughter ready ~ just make plans for the pair of you and deal with him as and when.

If he hasn't given you an address, then why would you be wondering whether to get her ready anyway? No address, no contact.

If you can't afford to pay for all her extras, I'd explain that Mummy hasn't got enough money for them all (don't badmouth Dad, it'll only come back to bite you on the backside) so would she like to choose which one/s she would like to do.

I'm hoping he will give me an address by Sunday (TBH i think its the GF who doesnt want me having the address rather than him, I was allowed to know the address of where he was living before when he used to have DD)

I wouldnt bad mouthed him but wondered what to tell her. Dont want her going to my parents etc saying im skint when i owe them for my car lol

OH asked me how much extra money i wanted off him a month, Said i will think about it.

shellsuit

mommyme wrote: »

I'm hoping he will give me an address by Sunday (TBH i think its the GF who doesnt want me having the address rather than him, I was allowed to know the address of where he was living before when he used to have DD)

I wouldnt bad mouthed him but wondered what to tell her. Dont want her going to my parents etc saying im skint when i owe them for my car lol

OH asked me how much extra money i wanted off him a month, Said i will think about it.

If he gives you an address, I'd drop your daughter off so you can check the house out. After that, once you're sure it's OK, let him start picking her up again.

You don't need to tell your daughter anything really, just that she can't go to them all so she should choose which to go to.

If you did tell her that you didn't have enough money for them all and she did tell your parents you were skint, I'm sure they would understand once you tell them that you can't afford them all because the ex won't give you anything towards the cost of them.

He asked you how much more money you want a month? But he said he couldn't afford to give you the money for the activities? Well if he does give you more, why can't you use that money for your daughter activities?

*is confused*

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

If he gives you an address, I'd drop your daughter off so you can check the house out. After that, once you're sure it's OK, let him start picking her up again.

You don't need to tell your daughter anything really, just that she can't go to them all so she should choose which to go to.

If you did tell her that you didn't have enough money for them all and she did tell your parents you were skint, I'm sure they would understand once you tell them that you can't afford them all because the ex won't give you anything towards the cost of them.

He asked you how much more money you want a month? But he said he couldn't afford to give you the money for the activities? Well if he does give you more, why can't you use that money for your daughter activities?

*is confused*

There's no way they will let me in the house. At all. They'd probably allow DD being dropped off but i know they wouldnt let me inside.

Sorry I think you misread my post - My current OH has said he will give me more money (he currently gives me £280 towards bills but he doesnt pay for DD's nursery etc and he is now saying he will help pay)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

No address, no visit. It doesn't matter if the Queen of Sheba doesn't want her address made public - if you don't know exactly where your daughter is going, then she doesn't go.

You drive. You don't drink and drive (unlike your ex). If he provides the correct address, you drop her off and pick her up at the agreed time.


Surely the point of the solicitor is to discuss residency and making arrangements for access at an acceptable place at acceptable times? Of course you need to bring it up. The bed thing isn't irrelevant, but it is less important than setting times and location. It would be ridiculous to ignore something that is causing you and your daughter insecurity and hassle every weekend, just because it might be 'a waste of money'. If you don't check the legal position on this, your ex will realise you never asked and just as likely go back to how he was previously.


And, really, whilst I appreciate that you like sending your DD to many activities, unless you have a French parent or boyfriend (when there would be 'free' tuition ), a three year old can manage without lessons, especially as she won't be in Paris without you for a good few years yet - if you add up the cost of all her activities, it would probably be a significant sum and sometimes things have to give a little. Everyone likes doing fun things, but she might be just as happy playing in the park with a couple of friends, which is free, especially as she does so many other things as well.

shellsuit

mommyme wrote: »

There's no way they will let me in the house. At all. They'd probably allow DD being dropped off but i know they wouldnt let me inside.

Sorry I think you misread my post - My current OH has said he will give me more money (he currently gives me £280 towards bills but he doesnt pay for DD's nursery etc and he is now saying he will help pay)

I'm sorry, I did misread your post, doh!

I think, that if your daughter is going to be staying in this woman's house, with her, her daughter and your ex, that you have got every right, to at least meet her and speak to her, even if she won't let you into the house.

Maybe if the ex gives you the address, you could drop your daughter off, ring the bell/knock on the door and have a quick chat at the door?

I'm sure if anything untoward was going on, you'd be able to gauge that by seeing the house/seeing through the front door/speaking to the GF.