Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Obviously some of you will remember problems im having with ex. He's moved in with new GF and her DD and she didnt like my DD and wouldnt have her around,

Well its kinda changed. DD goes to their house for a few hours on a sunday, Ex now wants for more access so DD is supposed to be staying over night. Just found out that whilst New GF's DD has this fan dabby dosy bed with a slide etc attached to it, they dont have room for anything for DD to sleep on and want her to sleep on the floor. Am not happy.

Ex promised me he was going to get a camp bed with sides for DD (She still rolls out of bed) and now he is saying he cant.

Is there anything i can do? He said that he isnt going to get a bed etc as DD will only stay a few nights a month and that he'll go through court (surley they wont allow her to sleep on the fricking floor?)

DD is 3 btw

Honestly dont know why i flaming bother with him - He turned up over the limit other week demanding to take her (no, didnt let him)

UGH!

gratefulforhelp_2

I think you need to call his bluff and say "ok, go to court" if he CBA to get the child a bed, he CBA to pay to go to court IMHO.

Also, things that can help...

keep copies of any of his stupidities, 'phone calls, texts...or insist he puts things in writing.
Write to him saying you are happy for him to have contact overnight, but he needs to provide properly for daughter's wellbeing. It doesn't seem resonable to me that she sleeps on the floor at that age, while he sleeps in a bed. Maybe he should vacate his bed and he and GF should sleep on the floor so DD can have a bed.

This is clearly not in the child's best interests.

dandy-candy

My sister had the same problem with her ex although they did stretch to an inflatable mattress - placed at the end of the corridor next to the cat litter tray...
I can't tell you if you are in your rights to stop her going BUT I can tell you that my sisters daughters have grown up absolutely hating their stepmother and now they are in their teens don't bother going to stay anymore (their choice). I think their dad really regerts how things went when they were little so perhaps you should remind your ex that his decisions now will affect his future relationship with his daughter.

faithcecilia

Im afraid I wouldn't allow something as minor as a bed stop a child staying over with her dad. I'd buy an airbed (or a toddlers 'readybed' which also has sides and bedding if rolling off is a problem) and send her along with that. A 'proper' bed isn't an essential item, especially if its only a few nights a month.

anxious_mum

Well, for what it's worth, I know what I would do.....not let your daughter go! He has to provide suitable sleeping facilities for his DD, and if he can't, then in my opinion, he doesn't have her there. I have been divorced for 15 years and been through all this before, if you are the child's main carer then what you say goes, end of.

Jinx

There are two issues here IMO - Lack of space and the fact that this little 'un is to sleep on a makeshift bed when the girlfriends little 'un has a fab bed...

Solution -bunk beds. From Freecycle if money is an issue (isnt it always!)

Contact is v.important in my view but so is being treated just as well as the girlfriends child!

Pigget

I never had a bed when I stayed at my Dad's and circumstances didn't change in the ten or so years that I stayed at his every other weekend, granted I was not as young as 3 years old. There was also not often room for me or sometimes even a pillow/duvet!

It may not be an 'essential' item, but it really had an impact on me. To me as a child (and still, as an adult) it came across as me not belonging there.

I would stress this as the issue. The bed itself, in my case, was inconsequential, it was being made to feel that I didn't matter that was worse.

I would see if you can pick up something cheap as some others have suggested and send her off with it? Could her paternal grandparents help at all?

celinepatricia

faithcecilia wrote: »

Im afraid I wouldn't allow something as minor as a bed stop a child staying over with her dad. I'd buy an airbed (or a toddlers 'readybed' which also has sides and bedding if rolling off is a problem) and send her along with that. A 'proper' bed isn't an essential item, especially if its only a few nights a month.

I think if dad really wants to see his daughter he should provife the bed himself. Could the 2 children not top and tail in the bed that is already there?

LillythePink

faithcecilia wrote: »

Im afraid I wouldn't allow something as minor as a bed stop a child staying over with her dad. I'd buy an airbed (or a toddlers 'readybed' which also has sides and bedding if rolling off is a problem) and send her along with that. A 'proper' bed isn't an essential item, especially if its only a few nights a month.

I am sure that the OP isn't suggesting that he goes out and buys her a massive bed to compete with the other child, however, he is saying that he won't buy anything for her to sleep on and she will sleep on the floor.

Surely you can't be expecting the OP to buy a bed for him so that she can sleep there? It's down to the father to make provisions for his daughter not the OP!

I agree that you should call his bluff about Court - but make sure that you record the fact that he said that he wouldn't buy a bed and she'd be sleeping on the floor and in the meantime, don't let DD go there until he can provide suitable sleeping arrangements. It's his house therefore his responsibility......end of!

faithcecilia

Or ask him to buy it, I don't see it as that big a deal though - if OP bought it then she would have it for overnight guests etc. I have gone without a bed on and off in my life - as a child and again as an adult - and at no point has it made me feel I am not welcome or important to my parents. Had I been given the choice of staying overnight with my dad on the floor or sleeping in my own bed and never staying over with my dad I know which one I would have chosen. In fact, as a young child, I would have found sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag more exciting than being in a bed!

celinepatricia

but would you not think it odd that the other child in the house has a lovely bed to sleep in if you were the child on the floor?