Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

faithcecilia

celinepatricia wrote: »

but would you not think it odd that the other child in the house has a lovely bed to sleep in if you were the child on the floor?

If I was only there a few nights a month, no.

Lady_S

Is the other child there full time?

GobbledyGook

faithcecilia wrote: »

If I was only there a few nights a month, no.

You must have been a very reasoned child then. My children would wonder what they had done wrong if they were left with the floor to sleep on as a long term solution.

My parents were shockingly bad when it came to parenting, but even I had a bed.

I can't even begin to imagine the resentment it would cause between the two children. I absolutely wouldn't allow that level of favouritism to be paraded in front of my child. Obviously the other child, if it is their full time home, may have a bigger bed and more toys etc, but the floor is not an adequate place for a child to sleep.

A parent wanting their child overnight should have to provide some sort of bed for them to sleep in. Until then it'd be daytime visits only imo.

celinepatricia

So if the little girl is only there a couple of nights a week why cant both children share.

Pigget

faithcecilia - if you don't mind my prying...have you been in that position as a child?

It is very easy as an adult to think that such things are trivial (perhaps just as the Dad in this case has) but as a child things take on a whole different meaning.

anxious_mum

'A parent wanting their child overnight should have to provide some sort of bed for them to sleep in. Until then it'd be daytime visits only imo.'

Absolutely, gobbldeygook, my opinion also.

How dare he suggest that his own daughter should sleep on the floor? Nope, this is not right.

PS, I wish I could that quote thingie, where you can take pieces of what other posters have said.......sigh.....I only work with computers, don't mean to say I know how to use 'em!

clearingout

this is about way more than whether there's a bed or not, it's about being seen to treat the child with the same respect he's apparently treating his new partner's child. She may reside mainly with her mum but she should still be an equal in her father's home - and that means having something to sleep on, being allowed to share toys, having to share the toys she brings with her, having her own clothes etc. etc. Would you expect her to eat off the floor because there isn't a chair for her at the table?

From a court point of view, I think it's a fine line between 'best interests' and not seeing dad because there's no suitable bed. I would personally put something in writing to him that you have no issue with overnight contact on this occassion but that you expect for future visits, somewhere appropriate for her to sleep will have been arranged as this is in her best interests (something about appropriate physical development might be good - have a bit of a google, see if you can find anything that suggests not having proper support as a child is linked to back problems in later life....). This gives a bit of time on their side, shows you to be reasonable whilst also being concerned and shows a judge that on both accounts (having a bed, seeing dad) you are putting your child first. If, a few visits later, they still haven't got something (a bed is a big purchase, they might need to save up, although it is probably possible to get something very cheaply off ebay or the local free ads or even free through freecycle), I would then think about denying her staying overnight until it's sorted, rather than stopping contact all together. And let him take you to court about it.

Penny-Pincher!!

I'm not being pedantic, but if she is only 3 and still rolls out of bed, wouldn't the floor be safer anyway? I personally don't see the problem as long as your DD is comfy, clean and fed. By your own admission it's only for a few nights possibly a month.

If the girls are both getting on well, why don't you suggest them making a camp on the floor and they BOTH sleep on the floor?

Give it a chance and if it doesn't work, then maybe you can suggest an alternative. It does sound like the father is trying.

Sorry if not the answer you want to hear.

PP

mboro

I think you need to focus on the mega important detail that he wanted to take your daughter in the car whilst he was intoxicated??

Whats stopping him doing that when he has her at his house???

faithcecilia

Pigget wrote: »

faithcecilia - if you don't mind my prying...have you been in that position as a child?

It is very easy as an adult to think that such things are trivial (perhaps just as the Dad in this case has) but as a child things take on a whole different meaning.

Not exactly, I was brought up by my dad until the age of 8 when I took charge of the house and looking after my younger brother. My mum was in and out of psychiactric hospitals and was incapable of showing or feeling affection for well over 20yrs. Beds were the least of my worries.