Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

LillythePink

How can anyone say that it is acceptable for the 3 yo child to sleep on the floor when she visits her second home - which is what it is or should be.

I find it strange that some of you are saying that it is ok and therefore you would say it's ok if your child had to sleep on the floor when they went to their dad's house even if it is only for a few nights a month (if you were in the same situation!)

The child is 3 years old so doesn't understand the concept of "it's fun camping out isn't it!" they are not on holiday!

Penny-Pincher!!

LillythePink wrote: »

How can anyone say that it is acceptable for the 3 yo child to sleep on the floor when she visits her second home - which is what it is or should be.

I find it strange that some of you are saying that it is ok and therefore you would say it's ok if your child had to sleep on the floor when they went to their dad's house even if it is only for a few nights a month (if you were in the same situation!)

The child is 3 years old so doesn't understand the concept of "it's fun camping out isn't it!" they are not on holiday!

Of course the 3yr old would find it fun if done the right way and they were both maybe on the floor. Kids have great imagination and are more robust than us adults give them credit for.

I personally, would have no problems at all with this situation as long as she was warm, clean and fed.

Someone mentioned about sleeping on the floor being bad for your back, but whenever you have a bad back, the GP etc tell you to sleep on the floor. I am not saying to sleep direct on the cold floor, but make a little bed and make it cosy for them.

My DD has slept on the floor many times and so have we.

If you are really worried about it, then buy one for her to take and your problem will be sorted.

PP

Teenie_D

I have a 3 year old and I would not be happy going to her dads if he had nowhere suitable for her while the other child had, what sounds like. a luxurious bed.

It doesn't matter how often a month the OP's DD stays over, she is still sleeping at her dads on a regular basis and he should be making provisions for her.

A 3 year old may find it "fun" if she had the other child sleeping on the floor also (wonder what the new gf would think about it and if she would allow it! ) , but what happens when she turns 5, 6,7 etc, surely dad can't expect his child to sleep on the floor indefinately!

MrsE_2

Teenie_D wrote: »

I have a 3 year old and I would not be happy going to her dads if he had nowhere suitable for her while the other child had, what sounds like. a luxurious bed.

It doesn't matter how often a month the OP's DD stays over, she is still sleeping at her dads on a regular basis and he should be making provisions for her.

A 3 year old may find it "fun" if she had the other child sleeping on the floor also (wonder what the new gf would think about it and if she would allow it! ) , but what happens when she turns 5, 6,7 etc, surely dad can't expect his child to sleep on the floor indefinately!

Why is it relevant what the girlfriends DD has?
She lives there full time, its her home.
She quite possibly had the bed before her mum even started living with the OPs ex.
I don't think a child who is visiting needs a permanent bed, it just may not be practical with space.
I'm surprised they don't top & tail the girls.
A blow up bed (in the girlfriends DDs room) sounds good & ideal as she can't hurt herself if she falls out.

HalfPint

Had to add my tuppence worth...I find it shocking that some seem to feel it is ok for the op 3 yr old to sleep on a "camp bed" at her dads house! IMHO I feel that it is totally unacceptable and would not permit her to stay overnight. The issue here is not the staying overnight (The drink driving issue is another, more serious matter) but the fact that this other child has a lovely fancy bed whilst the op's daughter is being made to sleep on a makeshift bed. This is completely unfair and, will ultimately cause problems and issues!

As another poster suggested, bunk beds is the answer. I believe it is highly important that both children involved are treated fairly and equally. It is irrelevant as to how many nights a month it is for, to create a balance in the family the children need to be shown they are loved equally without condition.

Yes I guess I have kinda got on my high horse about this but I am talking from experience, from both sides of the coin. My 2 kids had to sleep on my ex's floor/camp bed and they didn't like it one bit. on the flip side, my stepson (now 13) had always had his own bed, wardrobe space and things, from day 1 (he stops over an average of 6 nights a month) and I have to say we have had no problems and are a very happy family unit. The children consider themselves "proper" brothers & sister..there is no "step" in our family.

To the OP, stick to your guns and trust your instincts...if it doesn't feel right, dont do it.

HP xx

Glitzkiss

When my niece and nephew were much younger there was very little room for them both to stay overnight at their grandparents due to them running their business from home. The guest bedroom was big enough for a single bed and space on the floor for a sleeping bag but no more. As the eldest my nephew got the bed but they made it up to my niece by getting her something similar to this. If it hadn't been pink I suspect my nephew would have been fighting her for it instead of the bed

Perhaps this might be a solution to the problem (including preventing her from falling out of bed)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Just thought id give yu an update.

DD has now gone to her dads (GF picked her up in her car with ex and her DD)

Yes the gf's DD had the slidey bed before GF got with Ex and I am in no way suggesting she has to get rid of that but why should my DD have the floor?

Ex has a decent job and bank balance so not as if he cant afford a bed for DD and as someone pointed out, there is freecycle.

I asked why DD couldnt share bed and pointed out that i bet GF wouldnt be happy if DD was to have the bed and let the other child have the floor, apprently its quite a high up bed and DD would hurt herself (I think its similar to a top bunk)

Ex wouldnt dare drink with DD after last time. Trust me, i nipped that one.

DD has gone with an inflatable childs bed, im not happy about it but its better than the floor i suppose

Tulip09

My kids have slept on the floor for fun etc when younger but that is different circumstances - it was play. I also think that they should be trying to make the child as welcome as possible, its hard enough for children as it is when parents split, without the oh she is more important as she is the 'full time' child and your just the part time one.

And just to put it out there, the night after my flat went on fire, we managed to find a room on someones floor for my OH & kids to sleep in. I was still in hospitial. They had no beds and had a duvet & blankets on the floor for 1 night. Social Services suggested that they could place my kids into temp care as they had no beds to sleep on unless we got them immediately. They didnt even have spare clothes but because they had hospitial scrubs to wear that was fine. So i would be careful about letting any child now sleep on the floor.

OP the fact that your ex tried to pick your daughter up whilst over the limit is disgusting. I would have reported him to the police immediately and i certainly would not be handing my child over to him again unless it was supervised.

shellsuit

Both girls go top to tail.

Dad gets on the floor with his daughter.

Dad sleeps downstairs on sofas with his daughter.

Dad sleeps in the bed with his daughter and his GF sleeps with her daughter.

There are loads of options!


This child is only 3 years old, she shouldn't have to sleep on the floor in her Fathers house while he, his GF and her child all have beds !!!!!!!

If they all slept on the floor fine, but they are all comfy in bed and she is on the floor? No, that's bang out of order.

delain

mommyme wrote: »

Just thought id give yu an update.

DD has now gone to her dads (GF picked her up in her car with ex and her DD)

Yes the gf's DD had the slidey bed before GF got with Ex and I am in no way suggesting she has to get rid of that but why should my DD have the floor?

Ex has a decent job and bank balance so not as if he cant afford a bed for DD and as someone pointed out, there is freecycle.

I asked why DD couldnt share bed and pointed out that i bet GF wouldnt be happy if DD was to have the bed and let the other child have the floor, apprently its quite a high up bed and DD would hurt herself (I think its similar to a top bunk)

Ex wouldnt dare drink with DD after last time. Trust me, i nipped that one.

DD has gone with an inflatable childs bed, im not happy about it but its better than the floor i suppose

I'd be quite annoyed if OH's ex started making demands on me to buy furniture for his DD tbh!

What size is her room? Why should she lose her own bed and have bunks? She didn't ask to have a step sister and it would only sour things between the children IYSWIM.

When DSD stays I put her in DD1's room and put DD1 in with the twins, so the twins share a bed, and this just about works. Her room is 6ft by 7 and I'd be livid if his ex tried to suggest I try to get bunk beds in that room.

Yes she needs a bed, but they should jiggle the furniture they have to find something, move people around, not have the ex's step daughter give up her own bed.