Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

skylight

The CSA will only take into account his GFs kids if he is "officially" living there which will affect her benefits etc.

jellyhead

Are you £100 a month short, or £100 a week short?

I just read your thread about finances and sorry to be blunt but I do think your OH should be paying more towards the car.

I know what you mean about being a worrywart, I am psyching myself up to do my spreadsheet this week because it's scaring me.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

skylight wrote: »

The CSA will only take into account his GFs kids if he is "officially" living there which will affect her benefits etc.

I dont think they have "officially" told HMRC about their living arrangements tbh

jellyhead wrote: »

Are you £100 a month short, or £100 a week short?

I just read your thread about finances and sorry to be blunt but I do think your OH should be paying more towards the car.

I know what you mean about being a worrywart, I am psyching myself up to do my spreadsheet this week because it's scaring me.

£100 a month - but that wasnt including what i will get from WTC/CTC and maintainence.

OH is now on the car insurance so he can drive (with me beside him) so he will be paying towards it from end of this month. At the time he didnt want to as he was already giving dad £10 a week petrol. Me and Dad have refused to take him to work so he now has to spend £17 a week (lol) but i do still pick him up (and he doesnt give me petrol . . . yet!)

The reason i still pick him up is that i generally wont eat if im on my own - I graze - which isnt healthy so i'd rather pick him up

I do my spreadhsete everyday, its kind of my spends diary too. Looking at this month, lowest my bank will be is £250 (this is without maintainence but with WTC and CTC as claim doesnt change till end of the month) but the figures i write down and the figures on my spread sheet dont match. I think its because my bills are spread out between 27th and 12th of every month. I get paid monthly, OH pays me monthly, WTC and CTC and CB are weekly.

Mupette

I've just had my parents stay over Christmas with me, they live in France, but wanted to spend my first Christmas in my new home with me.

I have 2 bedrooms one for me and one for my ds (15)

so my first reaction was i would give up my bed i could sleep on a blow up bed it was only 8 days i could cope.

Mind you having MS and Fiibro does mean i need comfort, but these are my parents in their early 60's and not of brilliant health.

The day they arrived and for months before they had already decided that they would have blow up beds.

i have a double and a single, although the single is raised as if it was 2 beds IFSWIM.

Any way dad had the single blow up bed, mum had the sofa, this suited them as they have 2 singles pushed together at home.

thank god i had a cosy sofa you can snuggle down on, plus mum is barely 5'.

As far as i am aware dad slept the night through, although they were always awake by 4am becase they are usually early risers at home so they thought it was 5am.

When i had the French Exchange student over he used the blowup bed too, i think he was happy with it, i did ask everyday if he was ok, as i had told DS to give his bed up and swap if it wasnt.

When i first read this thread i thought the DD was sleeping on the floor with nothing underneath, i kinda still do.
A blowup bed may not be luxury but if it is just one or two nights a month then i am sure that is fine. a nice little duvet set aswell, they are so cheap now too.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Mupette wrote: »

I've just had my parents stay over Christmas with me, they live in France, but wanted to spend my first Christmas in my new home with me.

I have 2 bedrooms one for me and one for my ds (15)

so my first reaction was i would give up my bed i could sleep on a blow up bed it was only 8 days i could cope.

Mind you having MS and Fiibro does mean i need comfort, but these are my parents in their early 60's and not of brilliant health.

The day they arrived and for months before they had already decided that they would have blow up beds.

i have a double and a single, although the single is raised as if it was 2 beds IFSWIM.

Any way dad had the single blow up bed, mum had the sofa, this suited them as they have 2 singles pushed together at home.

thank god i had a cosy sofa you can snuggle down on, plus mum is barely 5'.

As far as i am aware dad slept the night through, although they were always awake by 4am becase they are usually early risers at home so they thought it was 5am.

When i had the French Exchange student over he used the blowup bed too, i think he was happy with it, i did ask everyday if he was ok, as i had told DS to give his bed up and swap if it wasnt.

When i first read this thread i thought the DD was sleeping on the floor with nothing underneath, i kinda still do.
A blowup bed may not be luxury but if it is just one or two nights a month then i am sure that is fine. a nice little duvet set aswell, they are so cheap now too.

But it was me who had to get the blow up bed (they wasnt going to get one) She's now not stopping as i dont address, he wants/wanted a DNA and is now refusing maintainence

FatVonD

When DH moved in with me DS had a bunk bed so DSD and DSS could sleep on the bottom bunk ('twas a futon that pulled out to double size.) However, when we moved DS's bedroom was a lot smaller (smaller house in nicer area) and the bunk bed had to go as it didn't fit width wise and my stepkids spent a long time sleeping on the sofas when they came over. DS now has a regular single bed (a bunk bed is out of the question as the only place to put a bed is in front of the window.)

We've now moved the kitchen into the dining room which has freed up the old (tiny) kitchen as a spare room for them, we need some pipes taken out before a proper bed with a solid base will fit but until we can afford to have that done we have a mattress that will squish around the pipes iyswim.

If we get out of synch with visits and DSS and DSD come on a weekend when DS isn't at home one of them will sleep in DS's bed and one downstairs, if DS has friends to sleepover they all sleep downstairs on the mattress on the floor while his bed remains empty as it's more fun!

I'm not sure really what my point is regarding your situation, I think I just wanted to let you know how other people deal with what looks to be a similar situation

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

FatVonD wrote: »

When DH moved in with me DS had a bunk bed so DSD and DSS could sleep on the bottom bunk ('twas a futon that pulled out to double size.) However, when we moved DS's bedroom was a lot smaller (smaller house in nicer area) and the bunk bed had to go as it didn't fit width wise and my stepkids spent a long time sleeping on the sofas when they came over. DS now has a regular single bed (a bunk bed is out of the question as the only place to put a bed is in front of the window.)

We've now moved the kitchen into the dining room which has freed up the old (tiny) kitchen as a spare room for them, we need some pipes taken out before a proper bed with a solid base will fit but until we can afford to have that done we have a mattress that will squish around the pipes iyswim.

If we get out of synch with visits and DSS and DSD come on a weekend when DS isn't at home one of them will sleep in DS's bed and one downstairs, if DS has friends to sleepover they all sleep downstairs on the mattress on the floor while his bed remains empty as it's more fun!

I'm not sure really what my point is regarding your situation, I think I just wanted to let you know how other people deal with what looks to be a similar situation

Thats fine - but on our side of things, DD isnt being offered somewhere to sleep like you have for DSD and DSS, She wasnt offered a mattress or the sofa.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If he's not officially living with the GF and child, then he will be assessed as a single male with a salary of £25,000 (or whatever it was that was actually earned by him).

If he declares a GF and child, then this will cause a computer 'blip' which shows a man earning a fair wage at the same address as a woman claiming single parent benefits/tax credits. If he doesn't declare her, but uses the address, this also causes a 'blip' as in two adults using the same address. So any fraud being committed will show up very quickly, and if she is on tax credits as a single parent, the additional undeclared income of £25,000 is easily enough for action to be taken.

Not your problem - again - but it is again why he is threatening you: because he knows that you could unleash people bigger and scarier than him upon his head - HMRC.


If you are able to scrape by without his money, just think how handy it will be when there is absolutely no way he can blob it when he is in a snippy mood - and you can rely on it being there. I would suggest that it is deducted at source by the CSA and paid to you, so he has no control over it whatsoever - and therefore, along with proper contact arrangements put into place via the courts, no control over you.



Mind you, if I were committing a fraud against the Government to the tune of around £40,000+ per year (undeclared partner's wage plus benefits), I'd be looking quite peaky at the moment and would be trying to persuade my ex to keep everything out of court/away from the CSA/untraceable so I could continue my sweet, little, criminal life, by telling as many lies, half truths and making threats about maintenance as I possibly could.

He's squirming now. Which I know isn't the point of what you are doing, but is why he is being like this.


Squirm away, little man.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Squirm away, little man.

LOL I love that bit!!

I dont know for sure whether he has been declared as living there or not, But in the previous convo's we've had he's said things that dont add up and has made me think they may not of been truthful (she's as bad as him IMO as she should tell HMRC also)

I hope they do "blip" him - would amuse me GREATLY :rotfl:

angelsmomma

I just popped in to catch up on this thread. I couldn't agree with Jojo more, its exactly what I was thinking as I read through since my last catch up.

This is so like my case that I mentioned earlier. It turned out they were living together "unofficially" too. The blip did get them.

"Squirm away, little man" made me laugh out loud. Thank you Jojo. I needed a laugh. (My poor old greyhound was put to sleep yesterday and I am feeling sad)