Flaming Ex - why do i bother?!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I meant if ex texts me about DD tomorrow, should I give hime a deadline (but oBv not tell him) so for example, if he texts before 12pm let him see DD (if he provides an address) or just say "no, sorry we've made plans now" regardless what time he texts - sorry not very clear, am on mob

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd say the second option - WITHOUT THE SORRY.

And then turn your phone off all weekend. If nothing else, this makes it more likely that you will have a nice long list of nasty text messages or voicemails which may be useful in court, rather than having it all verbal and deniable.


Do you always need someone else's permission to make a decision for yourself?

If so, I would also suggest some assertiveness sessions for yourself.


You're not punishing him, but you are setting boundaries for the safety of your daughter and your sanity. What happens if he decides that your boyfriend isn't to be allowed near your daughter and refuses to bring her back until he is gone? Do you chuck your boyfriend out (as you don't have an address to send the police/serve papers on) and hope he decides to return her? What if he decides his girlfriend is capable of looking after your daughter and moves house with her?


You have to do this. As until this is sorted, either of those things could happen at any moment and you would be devastated.

shellsuit

If he contacts you about having DD, tell him that you want the address, and if he gives you the address, you will drop DD off with them at whatever time is arranged.

Don't make excuses, don't be apologetic, just tell him it like it is.

No address = No contact.

Address = you will drop DD off at X time.

If he doesn't get in touch with you, leave it, no matter how much DD pesters you.

If you hear nothing from him, go out with the little one, take your phone but have it on silent or switched off and enjoy your day x

Morty_007

concerned about some of the advice being offered here as it is very confrontational. OP, you don't want to stoop to this guys level. Be reasonable with him, stay polite but firm. I wouldn't switch my phone off personally because that stops everyone else contacting me too...now THATS him controlling you! I like your idea of making plans which swing into place at a certain time. At that point if he contacts you then you can say, "sorry but I had to make plans because I hadn't heard from you, maybe you could let me know earlier next week please?" Using please, thank you and a firm sorry (without simpering or being overly apologetic) will keep things amicable...and you in control. Don't wind him up by being rude or confrontational. Whats the point?

You must still ensure that no address = no access.
I still don't agree with not contacting him if he doesn't contact. You HAVE to keep the lines of communicaton open. Perhaps ring him on a set day/time or a set number of times a week. Not to beg him to see DD but to ensure she can speak to him. Let her know it will only be once a week etc. As I said before, Daddy needs to take some responsibility for his DD too and that includes the emotional impact of him not being there.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Another Update for you

had phone with me all day, no contact. He's supposed to have DD from 9am on a sunday (usually)

Well we'd said if we didnt hear from him we would tell DD we was going swimming.

Had a text from ex at 18:30 saying "am I coming for (DD) tomorrow?"

I replied with "We've made plans now as you didn't let me know what was happening, sorry"

He hasn't replied as of yet.

He still hasnt given me the address.

x

Morty_007

Good for you OP. When he replies, stay calm and just ask him to contact you a bit earlier next week and you will be happy for him to have heras long as you have an address by then. End of story. No arguements or mud slinging. If he starts calling you names, just repeat your first text, DON'T get caught up slinging mud back. No point getting all bitter and twisted. The calmer you stay, the more in control of this situation you will be. Stay strong for your lil girl x

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

hm, not said anything to him but he's kinda pi**ed me off. I honestly thought he would of texted back by now but he hasnt. Thought I would of had a text saying something along the lines of "well can I see her when your back" etc but nope, nothing.

Taking DD swimming tomorrow, So she won't miss out.

Im not sure what to do about next week though, if he has her then it will be sunday 9-5 (like its supposed to be - and if i get an address) but she's been invited to a party 2-4 so not sure whether to ask for her to be back early or not let her go to her friend's party

74jax

mommyme wrote: »

hm, not said anything to him but he's kinda pi**ed me off. I honestly thought he would of texted back by now but he hasnt. Thought I would of had a text saying something along the lines of "well can I see her when your back" etc but nope, nothing.

Taking DD swimming tomorrow, So she won't miss out.

Im not sure what to do about next week though, if he has her then it will be sunday 9-5 (like its supposed to be - and if i get an address) but she's been invited to a party 2-4 so not sure whether to ask for her to be back early or not let her go to her friend's party

is he not able to take her to the party?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Ex doesnt get along with the girls dad so wouldnt take DD because of it

74jax

You could say she has a party 2-4, he can take her or you can collect her early and take her?

As for next week, is it possible to say he will have her on every Sunday (once you know the address) that way you aren't always waiting to know if he will text to say he is taking her and you don't have to call/text him to check?