Divorcee remarrying in Catholic church?

Gloomendoom

Mrs.spurrier2b wrote: »

I had the same problem my husband to be was married in a church, i wanted to get married in a church but sadly we can't due to the fact a divorce is not good enough in the eyes of a church and you need an annulment which is a long and lengthy process...

Have you tried your local parish church (C of E). Depending on the circumstances, they may be able to help... even without an annulment.

margaretclare

Newly_retired wrote: »

There are statutory fees for weddings in most churches. I don't know about Catholic ones, but definitely in C of E, Methodist etc. The vicar/minister may be able to waive some but not all. Some are payable for his services as registrar, some as priest. Banns certificates have to be paid for. Other fees may be levied by the church eg for heat and light, choir, organ, verger etc. It is rare for these to be waived except for regular church members. Most people are happy to pay these costs- cheaper than many civil ceremonies.

There was no charge for our wedding in the Methodist church, because we are church members.

margaretclare

When I first got together with DH I was a practising member of the local Catholic church and as I was a widow, there was no problem about me being remarried. However, DH at that time was facing his second divorce and he wasn't baptised, had been brought up a Jew. I thought our parish priest was going to have a fit when I told him all this.

Anyway, the only way we could have been married in the Catholic church was if (a) DH went through the conversion process to become a baptised Catholic and (b) if his first marriage was annulled. This latter would have meant being referred to Rome. Both marriages had been civil ones, but as the first wife was still alive the second marriage was considered invalid. As the first marriage had lasted 19 years and they'd had 2 children it was hard to see how it could be annulled.

I couldn't possibly ask DH to jump through all those hoops, especially as the parish priest barred me from the sacraments on the spot when I told him I was not sorry for my sin. We went looking for a church that would marry us. Even the local CofE wouldn't once they heard the words 'bridegroom divorced'. So, we joined the Methodist Church where we received a warm Christian welcome. The minister questioned us pretty closely and wanted to be sure that his marriage had been dead before he ever met me, I wasn't the cause of the breakdown. Once she was happy with that she agreed to marry us. We were married nearly 9 years ago now.

PolishBigSpender

zaksmum wrote: »

THAT'S why I was gobsmacked!!

but what is so gobsmacking about that?
You make your vows in front of God that you will be with your husband/wife "till death do you part". Then you leave = you break the vows, and you divorce. But divorce is only civil, the Church still sees your vows as valid. I don't get it, what's so weird or terrible about it?
You just have to bear the conseqences of your actions, unpleasant as this might be.

PolishBigSpender

rmiller wrote: »

True that you can't remarry in the catholic church after a divorce. HOWEVER, i truly think it depends on your priest in this situtaion. Our priest wouldn't let you as he is very traditional, but i have met very modern priests who, in your particular situation may let you get married in the church.

best of luck!

They will not, or if they do, the marriage would be invalid in the eyes of the Church. You definitely cannot remerry in the Catholic Church after a divorce - unless your previous marriage was only in the office - in which case it's not seen as marriage at all.

PolishBigSpender

Penny_Watcher wrote: »

As a member of a congregation at the wedding of a divorcee who remarried in a Catholic Church I beg to disagree. I don't know if she'd done the whole annulment rigmarole (I am a friend of the groom) but I know she'd been married before.

The question is, was she married in the Church or just in the office? If it was just office wedding, the Church wouldn't see her as a divorcee! It was like she was never married at all!

Example:
my uncle has been married in the Church, then divorced in the eyes of the law, then remarried in the office, then divorced again. The stance of the Church is, however, that he's still married to his first, "church" wife. He couldn't take Communion when he was living with his 2nd wife, because he was living in sin. Now he's single and he can take Communion.

kegg_2

Catholic preists cannot make up the rules as they go along and have to follow cannon law.
There are very limited ground on which a divorcee will be allowed to remarry in a catholic church. The is the annulment route or if the ex husband has died since the divorce as she will then be viewed as a widow.

zaksmum

coolcait wrote: »

But, you're not the bride to be.

If you feel she's making a mistake - whether that's to do with the man she is marrying, the fact that she's marrying, the way that she wants to get married, or how she wants to live her life - then you can do what any friend in that situation does.

You either tell her what you think - and take the consequences. Or you keep your thoughts to yourself - and take the consequences.

If you are able to respect her choices - even though you disagree with them - then this thread has information which might be helpful to her. It will only help her if you actually share that information with her.

If you disagree with her choices, but don't share those thoughts with her and keep the information from this thread to yourself - how much of a friend would that make you?

No, I don't feel she's mking a mistake. But sadly divorce is a fact of life these days and what is a divorcee supposed to do...spend the rest of her days alone as it seems the Catholic church expects her to?

The view of the church seems to be that any man wanting to be with her must accept that he will be living in sin (which God will not forgive!!) and that the church considers him worse than a theif or a liar.

Why should a Catholic man who falls in love with a divorced girl have to choose between her and his church?

I really am surprised that such outdated attitudes still exist within the church.

Plans_all_plans

Is the man a practising Catholic? And by practising I mean does he go to Mass every week?

kegg_2

my mum is divorced and we are catholics. She is still welcome in any catholic church but can no longer take holy communion but can receive a blessing at comminion instead.
You cannot pick and choose which bits you want from the church and they wont bend the rules to suit each individual member of the church. Everyone is still welcome to attend the church but have to accept that some bits are not open to them because of their personal choices in life/or circumstances they find themselves in.