Not doing Christmas Presents

Bronnie

shellsuit wrote: »

Woo, someone else who says antwacky!


Lol was just wondering if she was a fellow scouser !!!

Lunar_Eclipse

I think you have underlying emotions wrapped up in this situation, from your OH family's gift buying habits to those associated with an impending job loss, which other people around you will not be fully aware of.

Personally I think you have over reacted. Furthermore, in two areas.

Firstly to assume that your sister meant birthday and Christmas gift for your OH. As logical as your explanation may sound, you did make an assumption that I think is flawed.

Secondly, to be making drastic changes about Christmas based on something that might happen next March. To change from £100/200 gifts per person to nothing at all when you are (probably quite rightly, but still only) speculating about something, is definitely over reacting imo.

Thus family members around you, including your sister, may be feeling confused, hurt, rejected, angry etc about that, which you might not realise. I appreciate that it is wise to be making financial adjustments in case the worst happens, but since you're in a family who place a high value on Xmas/gifts, I wouldn't choose to eliminate them altogether, as much as I might like to! Whilst I am not trying to judge the decision you have already made on this, I'm trying to explain how they might be feeling about it and hence your sister's reaction, which sounds rather polite and controlled to me.

I also agree with the poster who said that many people buy Xmas gifts months ahead of time. I also know you didn't find out about the situation at work until October, but have you really not done any Christmas shopping or have a few gifts highly suitable for recycling? I often think I could do a whole Xmas with what we have lying around! ;-)

skypie123_2

I think the meaning of Christmas by-passes people sometimes and they get so caught up in the commercial nonsense. If it was me I would say stuff them and would spend Christmas without those who can only see as far as what gifts they are getting.
I mean if these people care about you wouldn't it be more important to them that you and your family can eat and pay the bills in the New Year rather than buy them some expensive cr*p that they will have forgotten about by Feb?
Stuff them! They sound like selfish nightmares! You're doing the responsible thing.
I hope you find a new job in the New year and you have a lovely Christmas anyway. xx

ontheroad_2

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I have just been really upset by my sister and I want to know if I am over reacting.

My contract ends in March and my workplace are facing huge job cuts (so there is almost no chance of me getting a new contract) so I find myself having to budget for the loss of income.

Because of this me and my partner have decided that we arent doing christmas presents this year except for the children in the family (he has a daughter from a previous relationship and 2 nieces). My parents were fine about it although his parents were a bit off about it but I have stuck to my guns so if they dont like it they can lump it. I also said that we would be expecting nothing in return but I know that my mum wont see us without anything (her choice).

Both me and my OH have birthdays in December and the other night my sister asked if I would get something sorted for my OH and she would then just give me the money. My sister is on her own, no children and is on £40,000 per year - she has a very comfortable life. I assumed that she meant birthday and christmas as I said he had seen a few t shirts that he liked and she told me to get them. This evening on the phone I said I would be ordering them at the weekend I would get them wrapped up for OH birthday and christmas. To which she started really nastily laughing and said "so its alright for you not to buy us pressants but you still want them in return". Shocked that she was being like this I apologised and said that I had misunderstood her instructions and that I had not for one minute assumed that she would still be buying for us. I reminded her that the only reason I wasnt buying christmas gifts was because we cannot afford it when we have the MOT and Tax for the car in december and then my step daughters birthday in January before my job ends in March.

I already feel bad enouigh about not being able to afford gifts for my loved ones but certainly didnt think that others were thinking that we were just being tight or selfish about it.

My sister is generousity personified but I never presume that she will spend more as she earns more - I dont know why she has been so nasty today.

Maybe I am just being too touchy but I am sat here in tears feeling like sh * te.

Sorry I'm lost - surely you have assumed that your sister was buying your OH a Christmas present from what you've said? You were going to buy and wrap some of the t-shirts for birthday, some for Christmas, and get the money for them from your sister?

I totally understand why you would cut down the pressie-buying for Christmas, I really don't understand though why you're upset with your sister? She could have been being sarcastic on the phone when you were talking to her, not nasty.
You've sorted it out now haven't you - you both know the score, the t-shirts are for your OH's birthday, and sis isn't buying anything for either of you for Christmas (which you said you weren't expecting anyway as you're not buying for adults). Thats right, isn't it?

edited to add - I've read the rest of the thread now, and I'm even more convinced you're doing the right thing stopping pressies for adults - it all sounds like a right old political minefield!

in our family we don't buy for adults at Christmas or birthdays (except for my mum) - just a card. We've done this for years.

Sambucus_Nigra

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Nowhere did I mention a combined Christmas and Birthday gift

Apart from here:

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I assumed that she meant birthday and christmas as I said he had seen a few t shirts that he liked and she told me to get them. This evening on the phone I said I would be ordering them at the weekend I would get them wrapped up for OH birthday and christmas.

I can see her point to be honest.

Buddingblonde

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I think you have underlying emotions wrapped up in this situation, from your OH family's gift buying habits to those associated with an impending job loss, which other people around you will not be fully aware of.

Personally I think you have over reacted. Furthermore, in two areas.

Firstly to assume that your sister meant birthday and Christmas gift for your OH. As logical as your explanation may sound, you did make an assumption that I think is flawed.

Secondly, to be making drastic changes about Christmas based on something that might happen next March. To change from £100/200 gifts per person to nothing at all when you are (probably quite rightly, but still only) speculating about something, is definitely over reacting imo.

Thus family members around you, including your sister, may be feeling confused, hurt, rejected, angry etc about that, which you might not realise. I appreciate that it is wise to be making financial adjustments in case the worst happens, but since you're in a family who place a high value on Xmas/gifts, I wouldn't choose to eliminate them altogether, as much as I might like to! Whilst I am not trying to judge the decision you have already made on this, I'm trying to explain how they might be feeling about it and hence your sister's reaction, which sounds rather polite and controlled to me.

I also agree with the poster who said that many people buy Xmas gifts months ahead of time. I also know you didn't find out about the situation at work until October, but have you really not done any Christmas shopping or have a few gifts highly suitable for recycling? I often think I could do a whole Xmas with what we have lying around! ;-)

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to comment.

Maybe I havent been clear in previous posts - I have no job after March 2011 - there is going to be job cuts amongst the permanent staff however my contract ends in March 2011 anyway. They will not be paying off permanent staff (redundancy payments etc) and then offering new contracts to the temp staff. Therefore I find myself in a position where I need to save as much money to carry us over a period where I will not be bringing anything other than cont. based JSA.

I have already saved enough money to pay for Christmas - however given that I am now only 4 pay packets away from no wages I am not prepared to spend on gifts for people that dont need anything and are not willing to accept token or small mindings. Nor am I prepared to cancel christmas pressies for OH family and then buy for my own (as much as I might want to).

Both my mother and my sister are fully aware of the financial situation - both have been on the receiving end of upset phone calls when I found out that my job wont be extended. Both are aware how tight things will be and both are fully aware about OH's family and their belief that you should spend enough money to show how much people are worth to you.

The fact that my sister advised me to buy more than one gift for OH was the reason I assumed they were for two different occassions. She has never bought him more than one gift per event (nor in fact any of us in the family). I may have mistaken by her intent but given experience of 30 odd years of gift buying it isnt such a huge assumption.

blossom30

Hi I thought I would add my thoughts to this thread. I am in agreement with O.P. as xmas now has become over commercialised. I remember when I was younger buying family members scarves and gloves and feeling good about it. Now in 2010 if you buy someone something like that it has to be "a stocking filler". This time of the year causes problems for me and my husband as his parents stay nearby and to put it into perspective they have visited us once in the 3 years we have lived here. I have invited them round a few times to which they decline. I tried to build relations with them by visiting them but to no avail. They don't want a relationship with me. So xmas is when I get upset when they phone my husband to go round to collect our presents and my husband expects me to have presents all wrapped up for them. This I feel is hypocritical as there is no contact with them throughout the year. The presents they give are not cheap gold bracelets and electrical goods and of course I have to spend just as much back which puts extra stress onto me. Sorry for going on but I can understand the OP feelings. We don't have kids but there are loads on my side of the family and I would rather just give presents to the kids. sorry about the rant but I feel better talkng about it. cheers shrewdalx

RadoJo

I don't quite understand the logic of refusing to give token/home made gifts to anyone on the basis that your in-laws (who you don't seem to like anyway) would not be grateful. And I agree that your assumption that your sister was buying a Christmas gift for your OH was probably the route cause of the misunderstanding. I can see why you're feeling sensitive about this issue, but I think you are projecting that onto your sister and over reacting on that basis.

I'm sure the situation can be resolved, but it might be worth considering an alteration to your plans. How about vouchers for your time or similar whereby you promise quality time with your family, offer to help out with something they haven't been able to get round to or even just wash their cars or something? If anyone sneers at that, they won't redeem their vouchers and that's their loss!

Buddingblonde

Sambucus Nigra

Two seperate events - two seperate gifts - not 2 t shirts for a joint birthday and christmas gift! I dont know how I can make this any clearer.

Sambucus_Nigra

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Sambucus Nigra

Two seperate events - two seperate gifts - not 2 t shirts for a joint birthday and christmas gift! I dont know how I can make this any clearer.

Even worse then!

You are accepting Christmas presents from your sister on behalf of your OH whilst stating that you aren't buying.