Not doing Christmas Presents

****kara****

£3,000!!!!!!! :eek:

gerryscot

****kara**** wrote: »

£3,000!!!!!!! :eek:

Yeah at least £3,000, Maybe thats why she never seem's very impressed with my gift a £3.00 selection box lol :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Steel_2

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Evidently not.

Otherwise she would have said 'I now you can't afford to buy but i love to give so don't worry about it'....

That's what happens in our family. We all go through tough times and we don't get huffy if someone cannot afford to buy or doesn't buy.

Personally OP I'd be taking all the gifts back you bought for OH on her behalf and suggest she does her own shopping for whatever occasions she wishes to buy for and to leave you out of it.

Soubrette

piratefairy wrote: »

I know I'm bound to get argued with, but I can't quite see why the converstion between OP and her sis hadn't gone like this:
OP: "We're not doing Xmas."...
Sister: "OK, what about your OH's bday, could you get the tshirts for me...?"
OP: "Both? Wouldn't you rather I just picked one as there's just one, as per previous years family tradition"...

Surely if OP felt so strongly that the tradition was 1 gift = 1 occasion, she would have pointed this out / reminded sis who may have been pre-occupied when saying it. Did you find it weird when you ordered them, or think they were for both occasions?

I do know it can be fairly horrid to fall out with a sister if you're close to her, but if you give her a day or so to 'cool down', I agree with what others have said about giving her a ring to apologise. And maybe send one tshirt back, so he has one gift from her for his Bday...?

But the conversation more likely went in such a way that both people thought they were saying what was said in your imaginary conversation but weren't.

OP tells family they are not doing christmas due to job situation etc.

Sometime later busy sister phones - I've been thinking about your husband's present, what do you suggest?

OP says that there are a few shirts he would like thinking she'd give sister a choice.

Sister tells her to get both being her usual generous self regarding his birthday.

OP hears get both shirts ie two presents and makes the logical deduction that two presents much be for two occasions ie christmas and birthday, probably doesn't even think that deeply about it because to her it's that obvious.

OP says she'll get the wrapped and sorted for husband's birthday and christmas

Sister gets cross because she thought they'd agreed they weren't doing christmas and makes a sarcastic comment because to her it was that obvious.

OP gets upset because she's already feeling bad about the whole christmas present thing and the stresses at home.

Both people fall out.

Of course this conversation is made up as much as yours is but do you see how easy it is for two people to talk past each other and then both get upset with the other one because although they think they're talking about the same thing, they're actually talking about slightly different things?

Let us know how you get on when you speak to your sister OP, I'm sure it's just a case of misunderstandings.

meritaten

hun, YOU havent cancelled christmas! you have quite rightly told everyone that you cannot afford christmas PRESENTS! a vast difference! If I were you I would ring my sis and tell her how upset you are and that you thought she was asking you to get Ohs BIRTHDAY present for her............but if thats the way she feels you are quite happy not to order them! as to you keeping the peace is more important than recieving gifts.

sorry, but I have to say this.........what a mercenary lot! at various times different members of the family have had to do this.........they still got their presents from us as the true meaning of christmas is to GIVE..........i AM NOT CHRISTIAN and even I know and believe this! I dont expect gifts but give to those I love simply because I know its something they need or desire.

Vaila

i see nothing wrong with not giving gifts, surerly getting together on christmas day is enough

although if i had my way i wouldnt celebrate christmas at all

pinkladyof66

My sister is very spend conscious and spends hardly any money at xmas however I spend loads on her and her children, me and hubbie dont have children and we only receive a small gift (only me) as she does not get on with my other half she doesnt buy for him.

However I dont ever buy to receive, if my sister said one year she couldnt afford to buy me a present it would not stop me buying for her, i would understand that she might be going through a hard time and would like to think a small gift at xmas would cheer her up. So to OP i would say there is no reason why your sister still cant buy for you and your oh, you just said you wouldn't be buying them one. i dont think it at all cheeky to think your sister might still buy for you, who knows perhaps next year she might be in the same boat as you and might not be able to get one for you next year and by next year hopefully you would have another job. it is not all about giving to receive otherwise I would be buying very few presents at xmas as i receive hardly any.

it is all about the joy of christmas being a family and being together. I can certainly see how upset you would be as your sister sounds exactly like my sister it is almost as if we have the same one, my sister would say exactly the same as yours. I would try and forget about it for a while you have much more bigger things to think about with your job and I do wish you well in finding a new job and hope it comes quick for you. Take Care.

pinkfluffybabe

I think people have been a bit cruel towards the OP. How many people on here would be standing in judgement on a thread in March 'up to my eyeballs in debt due to Christmas and I've known I was losing my job since October'???

I think you are being sensible, OP and thinking ahead for your family. In the current climate, if people are unable to appreciate your decision then they clearly live in cloud cuckoo land! Would they be stepping in to pay your car insurance when you are too hard up to pay it?

I do think you should phone your sister and get the issue discussed, but if she continues to be off with you about your decision, then there is nothing you can do to change that.

Well done on making a good decision and I hope your job situation works out. Having enough to live on is much more important than buying gifts for others.

Lunar_Eclipse

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to comment.

Maybe I havent been clear in previous posts - I have no job after March 2011 - there is going to be job cuts amongst the permanent staff however my contract ends in March 2011 anyway. They will not be paying off permanent staff (redundancy payments etc) and then offering new contracts to the temp staff. Therefore I find myself in a position where I need to save as much money to carry us over a period where I will not be bringing anything other than cont. based JSA.

I have already saved enough money to pay for Christmas - however given that I am now only 4 pay packets away from no wages I am not prepared to spend on gifts for people that dont need anything and are not willing to accept token or small mindings. Nor am I prepared to cancel christmas pressies for OH family and then buy for my own (as much as I might want to).

Both my mother and my sister are fully aware of the financial situation - both have been on the receiving end of upset phone calls when I found out that my job wont be extended. Both are aware how tight things will be and both are fully aware about OH's family and their belief that you should spend enough money to show how much people are worth to you.

The fact that my sister advised me to buy more than one gift for OH was the reason I assumed they were for two different occassions. She has never bought him more than one gift per event (nor in fact any of us in the family). I may have mistaken by her intent but given experience of 30 odd years of gift buying it isnt such a huge assumption.

Thanks for clarifying.

Now that we're at the end of the day, quite literally, I would try not to be upset with your sister, take the upper hand in apologising for any confusion, explain you have zero expectations about Xmas gifts and move on, trying to stay positive and happy. Life's too short; I'd clear the air and carry on.

Best of luck finding another job.

dark_lady

Im so in agreement with your post Pinkfluffybabe especially the first paragragh.
Sometimes the hypocrisy on these boards is astounding.