Not doing Christmas Presents

coolcait

shellsuit wrote: »

Woah!

What's all this about the OP being cheeky? Her sister told her to buy 2 things for her OH. The OP assumed it was for both bday and Christmas as they have always only ever given once present for each. The sister wants to get off her backside and buy her own presents for a start, and just because the OP can't afford it and won't be buying presents for both bday and Christmas, doesn't mean the sister who can afford it has to stop ~ unless she's petty that is.

Do those who have said the OP has a cheek honestly give to receive??? That's not what it's all about!

If the OP can't afford it, that doesn't mean everyone else who can afford it has to stop giving presents.

Crikey, are we in the playground here or what?? (You're not having one of mine if I can't have one of yours...)

As others have said, it all comes down to communication.

What does "We're not doing Christmas presents this year" mean? (Give or take how it's put).

I would take it as "we're not giving Christmas presents, and we don't expect to receive any".

I respect that stance.

And, however much I wanted to give a Christmas present, I would have respected the other person's stance and not given anything. Or I would have given a "this isn't a Christmas present, I just thought it was perfect for you" type gift

However, if the other person took my offer of a gift for another occasion (e.g a birthday) and said "Oh, I'll make part of that a Christmas present", then I would have been a mite p'd off.

And I would have felt like a mug for not reading the "we're not doing Christmas presents this year" statement properly. At that point it would have seemed like "we're not giving Christmas present this year - but we expect them from other people".

If it is truly about the giving, not the receiving, the original post on this thread would not exist.

And the sister who was generous enough to pay out the money for more than one item would not be painted as the 'bad guy' for pointing out a truth to the OP.

coolcait

pinkfluffybabe wrote: »

I think people have been a bit cruel towards the OP. How many people on here would be standing in judgement on a thread in March 'up to my eyeballs in debt due to Christmas and I've known I was losing my job since October'???
.

And I think that the OP, and some others have been a bit cruel towards the OP's sister.

How many people (including the OP) have stood in judgement on her?

Sambucus_Nigra

pinkfluffybabe wrote: »

I think people have been a bit cruel towards the OP. How many people on here would be standing in judgement on a thread in March 'up to my eyeballs in debt due to Christmas and I've known I was losing my job since October'???

I think you are missing the point.

This isn't about the OP spending loads on Christmas. It's about getting upset at her sister because she is accepting Christmas presents on her OH's behalf and her sister thinking that is cheeky.

'We aren't doing Christmas presents this year' is a very good stance to have...obviously the sister thinks it's a little rude to receive and the OP has fallen out with her sister because of this.

It's also not about being cruel - but the OP must have known that it was possible for some people to agree with the sister.

What WE think is irrelevant to be honest; if the SISTER thinks there is a problem with the OP's stance or approach - then the OP needs to sort it out.

Im so in agreement with your post Pinkfluffybabe especially the first paragragh.
Sometimes the hypocrisy on these boards is astounding.

What hypocracy? You obviously are not grasping the problem either. This isn't about spending all your spare money on Christmas - it's about managing your families expectations.

Nobody is saying go out and spend; rather manage your family a little better so that they don't put you in this position again.

Some people will agree with the OP that the sister should cut her some slack, and some will think it is a little cheeky....shouting 'hypocrisy' is ludicrous in this instance.

KiKi

dark_lady wrote: »

Im so in agreement with your post Pinkfluffybabe especially the first paragragh.
Sometimes the hypocrisy on these boards is astounding.

I don't see any hypocrisy here. The post has nothing to do with how much money is being spent at Christmas; it's about a misunderstanding of what 'we're not doing Christmas presents this year' means.

KiKi

NEH

I can sympathise OP, families can somtiems have very differnet ideas when it comes to money...

I think its a misunderstanding as many others have said on this thread, i'm quite surprised at some of the comments you have had....

Communication is key, apologise, though stand firm if you can't afford gifts then fine, it's your budget and you know what you can afford and that's all that people should be spending.

You can still have Christmas without presents, it's a modified one but there are always ways and means...Christmas doesn't have to be what every TV ad at the moment portrays, even if it's a bag of chips with your OH and some £2 bottle of Lambrusco out of a paper cup it can still be Christmas....

Rockporkchop wrote: »

I don't understand why you say you are expecting nothing in return for Christmas and then go on to assume that your sister would be buying your OH a Christmas present? I don't blame her for being a bit off about it.

To be honest I get really annoyed with people who suddenly declare in November/December that they won't be buying presents this year knowing full well that most of us (certainly the MSErs) will have had their Christmas shopping finished by mid June so will probably still give them the gifts!

Can't you try to do something for your parents and sister, even if it is a little token?

I can't believe the comment most MSErs, we don't all think abot Xmas non stop the year round. Some of us are so busy juggling lives/finances etc that we don't have time to worry about Xmas pressies until now....So what if people don't give gifts, i'm sure a fair few of us would love to give gifts but can't afford to, and may not have the time/skills to make something....

Buddingblonde

Update - despite trying to phone my sister she has avoided answering all phone calls and texts.

I have bought OH the two t-shirts - one will be given to him by me for his birthday and when my sister rings to ask how much she owes for OH gift I will advise her of the cost of one t-shirt.

I have already bought myself a new winter coat which when I mentioned to my sister I had bought she offered to pay for it for my birthday which is very generous of her (although she has not re imbursed me yet).

I will not see her until the weekend before Xmas as I am taking her pets for her while she is away on holiday (as I do everytime she goes away). OH and I will be having a quiet Christmas day on our own (as we got fed up years ago being pushed from pillar to post between his family and mine) so in the New Year I will take my sisters pets back to her and pop in and see my rellies then.

meritaten

thats very sweet of you that you are still prepared to look after sisters pets, especially if she is ignoring your attempts to communicate. I WOULDNT! but then, I am probably not as NICE as you!!!

Aytoun27

OP, I've only skimmed through this thread, but I hope that you get everything sorted out with your sister.

Generally, I'm very anti this idea that people only give presents if they know that they are getting something in return. If that's all it's about is it really worth it at all?

Many years ago, when I was unemployed, I told people that I wouldn't be buying presents that year, a couple of close friends brought me a gift anyway, but one relative, who I was very close to, didn't. That hurt me a lot at the time, because I regard a present as token of affection, not as a two way trade. I know many people won't agree with me, but that's my take on it.

RoxieW

Aytoun27 wrote: »

OP, I've only skimmed through this thread, but I hope that you get everything sorted out with your sister.

Generally, I'm very anti this idea that people only give presents if they know that they are getting something in return. If that's all it's about is it really worth it at all?

Many years ago, when I was unemployed, I told people that I wouldn't be buying presents that year, a couple of close friends brought me a gift anyway, but one relative, who I was very close to, didn't. That hurt me a lot at the time, because I regard a present as token of affection, not as a two way trade. I know many people won't agree with me, but that's my take on it.

Maybe the people you didnt give too also regarded presents as a token of affection and were offending by you not giving but still expecting to receive?

I personally, if I had the money, would still buy for a friend I knew couldnt afford to reciprocate. But only if that friend was genuinely brassic. Some people say they are skint at xmas but still have plenty of cash to go out on the lash with - or buy their kids £500 laptops with. Then I would see being dropped off of the xmas expenses list an insult.

RoxieW

meritaten wrote: »

thats very sweet of you that you are still prepared to look after sisters pets, especially if she is ignoring your attempts to communicate. I WOULDNT! but then, I am probably not as NICE as you!!!

She still has to get money for her winter coat off of sis yet!