Not doing Christmas Presents

Spendless

At the point you sister asked you to sort something out for your OH had you had the conversation with other family members about not buying apart from kids? Also had you clarified that you only meant you wouldn't be buying Christmas presents for others or did you mention birthdays as well?

I do know that I have been accussed of not sticking to the plan over someone else's decision to not buy xmas pressies, but I had. I bought birthday pressies as it hadn't been mentioned about them and cos the family members birthdays fell first, relative felt obliged to buy back and then again at xmas because 'I hadn't stuck to the no present buying'. When a different family member mentioned going to kids only last year, I asked straight away "and what about birthdays?" Once bitten - twice shy.

Buddingblonde

Thanks gerryscot - you have no idea how stressful and upsetting I am find all of this. I cannot eat and cannot sleep for worrying about the finances and my job and now find that I have upset MIL, FIL (who I couldnt give two sh*ts about) and my sister (who I would have hoped for a bit more understanding from). OH wasnt best pleased that I had cancelled christmas as his mum and dad have been moaning at him about it.

Buddingblonde

Spendless wrote: »

At the point you sister asked you to sort something out for your OH had you had the conversation with other family members about not buying apart from kids? Also had you clarified that you only meant you wouldn't be buying Christmas presents for others or did you mention birthdays as well?

I do know that I have been accussed of not sticking to the plan over someone else's decision to not buy xmas pressies, but I had. I bought birthday pressies as it hadn't been mentioned about them and cos the family members birthdays fell first, relative felt obliged to buy back and then again at xmas because 'I hadn't stuck to the no present buying'. When a different family member mentioned going to kids only last year, I asked straight away "and what about birthdays?" Once bitten - twice shy.

I told her a few weeks ago when I found out about the job cuts that I would have to cancel christmas. I didn't bring up the birthdays - she did and all the other family birthdays have already been this year including our mum's last month (which I gave her some books for and she took my mum away for a long weekend all expenses paid - see what I mean about generous).

We arent a religious family (so christmas isnt a big deal) but we would never not get something for each others birthday - token gifts for my lot are fine (and as OH wouldnt know when their birthdays are I could slip their gifts under the radar! - if I have the money by the time they come round.)

gerryscot

Rockporkchop wrote: »

I don't understand why you say you are expecting nothing in return for Christmas and then go on to assume that your sister would be buying your OH a Christmas present? I don't blame her for being a bit off about it.

To be honest I get really annoyed with people who suddenly declare in November/December that they won't be buying presents this year knowing full well that most of us (certainly the MSErs) will have had their Christmas shopping finished by mid June so will probably still give them the gifts!

Can't you try to do something for your parents and sister, even if it is a little token?

Family should be supporting each other durring troubled times not creating more problems by making nastly comments. I dont think you should give to receive.

Maybe I've picked you up wrong but do mean that you wouldn't give a poor person or an OAP a xmas gift as they wouldn't give you one back?

Buddingblonde

All of the people I am not buying for are well off and no do not need anything for christmas.

I have however forgotten to mention that there will be one adult that will be getting a gift this year - OH has an elderly spinster aunt who adores him - she will get her flowers delivered as always in person. She is the most loving person and she is so genuinely thrilled that someone has bought her something (even just supermarkets own or flowers by post) as she has no family of her own now.

She doesnt get us anything and neither would we want her to as she is a pensioner.

gerryscot

Buddingblonde wrote: »

Thanks gerryscot - you have no idea how stressful and upsetting I am find all of this. I cannot eat and cannot sleep for worrying about the finances and my job and now find that I have upset MIL, FIL (who I couldnt give two sh*ts about) and my sister (who I would have hoped for a bit more understanding from). OH wasnt best pleased that I had cancelled christmas as his mum and dad have been moaning at him about it.

Try not to worry, it's not your fault that you could potentially lose your job and financial difficulties. Let everyone moan if they want, the important thing is to make sure that you and your OH stick together and support each other.

Gerry x x

knithappens

At the end of the day you have no obligation to give anyone family or not a Christmas gift, and if you declare you are not giving gifts, then so be it, whether it is because you are loosing your job, or because you just dont want to. If someone takes the huff, let them and stick to your guns. In my family we only buy for children up to 16/17, adults are token gifts , if even that.

I think people just expect too much, and i am afraid Christmas in my opinion is more gifts giving, for gift giving sake.

You are doing the right things for you and your family, dont let anyone make you feel bad about it.

Buddingblonde

Thanks for all the pms and messages of support - I am going to bed now feeling exhausted but then maybe that is what i need for a sleep.

****kara****

I agree I think people have forgotten the true meaning of christmas. As long as I'm surrounded by my family and my kids are happy then thats the perfect christmas for me we only buy for the kids on my side of the family and everyone is fine with that

Don't worry yourself over the pressies. If you cannot afford it then you cannot afford it. My family have never been well off so we all know what it's like to have little money and understand the value of money iykwim. I suppose when people have money sometimes they presume you can afford the same as them

tesuhoha

I can fully understand this as we did the same thing two years ago. We were in a financial predicament due to my husband losing his job. Everyone understood but i think we took it a bit too far by not having any decorations or Christmas dinner. Christmas Day was the most incredibly depressing Christmas Day we had ever had.

Having said that I was really pleased with myself in January and there was no enormous credit card bill to try to pay. So stick with it. However have a nice dinner, a tot of something and a bit of tinsel on the wall.