Not doing Christmas Presents

Buddingblonde

I have just been really upset by my sister and I want to know if I am over reacting.

My contract ends in March and my workplace are facing huge job cuts (so there is almost no chance of me getting a new contract) so I find myself having to budget for the loss of income.

Because of this me and my partner have decided that we arent doing christmas presents this year except for the children in the family (he has a daughter from a previous relationship and 2 nieces). My parents were fine about it although his parents were a bit off about it but I have stuck to my guns so if they dont like it they can lump it. I also said that we would be expecting nothing in return but I know that my mum wont see us without anything (her choice).

Both me and my OH have birthdays in December and the other night my sister asked if I would get something sorted for my OH and she would then just give me the money. My sister is on her own, no children and is on £40,000 per year - she has a very comfortable life. I assumed that she meant birthday and christmas as I said he had seen a few t shirts that he liked and she told me to get them. This evening on the phone I said I would be ordering them at the weekend I would get them wrapped up for OH birthday and christmas. To which she started really nastily laughing and said "so its alright for you not to buy us pressants but you still want them in return". Shocked that she was being like this I apologised and said that I had misunderstood her instructions and that I had not for one minute assumed that she would still be buying for us. I reminded her that the only reason I wasnt buying christmas gifts was because we cannot afford it when we have the MOT and Tax for the car in december and then my step daughters birthday in January before my job ends in March.

I already feel bad enouigh about not being able to afford gifts for my loved ones but certainly didnt think that others were thinking that we were just being tight or selfish about it.

My sister is generousity personified but I never presume that she will spend more as she earns more - I dont know why she has been so nasty today.

Maybe I am just being too touchy but I am sat here in tears feeling like sh * te.

phunkles

If you say to people that your not buying presents then Id not presume people where going to buy you presents (which you did!?) So yes Id say your over reacting - no presents means no presents either way


however why are you buying your ohs birthday presents if shes stuck for ideas why doesnt she just give him the cash outright?


PS - you could have bought token gifts or made your own home made gifts theres loads of ideas over on the special occassions/yuletide section some with very little cost

Alikay

Buddingblonde wrote: »

My sister is on her own, no children and is on £40,000 per year - she has a very comfortable life. I assumed that she meant birthday and christmas as I said he had seen a few t shirts that he liked and she told me to get them. This evening on the phone I said I would be ordering them at the weekend I would get them wrapped up for OH birthday and christmas. To which she started really nastily laughing and said "so its alright for you not to buy us pressants but you still want them in return".

It seems a bit off to allow her to buy you combined birthday and Christmas presents when you're opting out of the Christmas part. Also a single person on £40k will be bringing home a lot less than a couple earning £20k each due to tax allowances, and her housing costs will probably be similar, so she may not be that much better off than you.

Rockporkchop

I don't understand why you say you are expecting nothing in return for Christmas and then go on to assume that your sister would be buying your OH a Christmas present? I don't blame her for being a bit off about it.

To be honest I get really annoyed with people who suddenly declare in November/December that they won't be buying presents this year knowing full well that most of us (certainly the MSErs) will have had their Christmas shopping finished by mid June so will probably still give them the gifts!

Can't you try to do something for your parents and sister, even if it is a little token?

Buddingblonde

My OH's family are a value of gift shows value of love. Home made or low cost gifts in the past have been sneered at (eg we once got FIL a newspaper from the day he was born - MIL was overheard moaning to a family member that all he was given was an old newspaper!!!!). We are expected to spend £100-200 per person which is why it has taken a lot to say no presents.
My assumption with my sister is because I had said OH had seen a few T Shirts he liked when she asked about him (we dont do cash gifts in my family - doesnt take any effort to write a cheque) and she said to get them. Normally one t shirt would be one gift (how we normally work) so if she was getting more than one then that is for more than one occassion.
I would be blissfully happy if we didnt get gifts from any of them but I know that we werent brought up like that and that my mum and dad wouldnt dream of not buying gifts. Whether OH family decide to send anything knowing they arent getting anything remains to be seen.

Buddingblonde

Rockporkchop wrote: »

To be honest I get really annoyed with people who suddenly declare in November/December that they won't be buying presents this year knowing full well that most of us (certainly the MSErs) will have had their Christmas shopping finished by mid June so will probably still give them the gifts!

I didnt find out I would be jobless until late October but thanks for that!

scooby088

I have for sometime now not bought presents for extended family and expect none in return. I have had my fill of socks, pants, deodorant, aftershave. The funny jumpers and anything else. And with many things i have been given as presents have found their way to the charity shops in the new y

Buddingblonde

Alikay wrote: »

It seems a bit off to allow her to buy you combined birthday and Christmas presents when you're opting out of the Christmas part. Also a single person on £40k will be bringing home a lot less than a couple earning £20k each due to tax allowances, and her housing costs will probably be similar, so she may not be that much better off than you.

Nowhere did I mention a combined Christmas and Birthday gift and I can assure you that my sister is in a much better financial situation as she has a smaller house, smaller mortgage and double the household income that we have. She also is going away over Christmas and New Year on her 4th holiday of the year. Not that I begrudge her any of that as she has worked hard and is very dedicated to her career and is very good at what she does.

The reason she wants me to sort out OH's gift and my own birthday gift is that she is too busy to put any thought into herself.

JC9297

Buddingblonde wrote: »

My OH's family are a value of gift shows value of love. Home made or low cost gifts in the past have been sneered at (eg we once got FIL a newspaper from the day he was born - MIL was overheard moaning to a family member that all he was given was an old newspaper!!!!). We are expected to spend £100-200 per person which is why it has taken a lot to say no presents.
My assumption with my sister is because I had said OH had seen a few T Shirts he liked when she asked about him (we dont do cash gifts in my family - doesnt take any effort to write a cheque) and she said to get them. Normally one t shirt would be one gift (how we normally work) so if she was getting more than one then that is for more than one occassion.
I would be blissfully happy if we didnt get gifts from any of them but I know that we werent brought up like that and that my mum and dad wouldnt dream of not buying gifts. Whether OH family decide to send anything knowing they arent getting anything remains to be seen.

£100-200 seems a ridiculous amount to spend on presents between adults. You say your OHs family expect a lot to be spent, does your family also expect this amount. I think about £20-30 would be about right for siblings, maybe a bit more for parents.

Buddingblonde

I couldnt do gifts for my own family and not do for other half's - there would be no end of upset if he thought I was prefering my family over his (my income is the spare income once we have paid the joint household bills).
My usual spending for my own family would be somewhere around the £30/40 mark for each of them - so add that to the £600/700 I would be expected to pay out for his family then I would have thought that someone might actually see why I would be reluctant to spend this money (which I already have saved but now need to put to one side for when I dont have any money coming in and we cannot cover our basics!)

gerryscot

No i think you've made the right decision. Alot of family only buy gifts for the children at xmas. Your not being tight or selfish. Your sister should be supporting at this difficult time not creating more problems by making you feel guilty.

Hope you sister apologises for her nastly comments, you've got enough to worry about.