ex wants he kids for xmas eve/day, feeling depressed at the thought!!!

cloverfan

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

had the dreaded xmas discussion with the ex hubby last night, had planned on saying I wanted the kids with me and he could pick them up xmas day avo and have them through to boxing day evening. But then he bought up the fact that I had them last year, we'd only been seperated couple months at that point, cos he went off with someone else. And he chose to come here to see the kids xmas morning and spend the morning with us. So I had thought we'd start the split xmases this year but found myself going along with what he wanted-as i always do!!!
Believe me I have no romantic feelings towards him, and I plan on filing for divorce asap now im in a better place emotionally (the last year has been a rollercoaster!), but the thought of not having my babies with me when I get up xmas day, the thought of not seeing their faces when we come downstairs to see if santa has bought everything they wanted is enough to make me cry!!!! He is still with the woman he left me/us for and the thought of her seeing my kids opening christmas presents when I have to wait til later is seriously depressing. Im basically gonna be on my own until the kids come back!!! How do other people do this????[/QUOTE]


I think that alot of people here have missed an important part of the OP first post........

Could anyone who has been in this situation give her any ideas on how to deal with things??? I am a single parent who is lucky enough to get on with my kids Dad that he will spend Xmas day with us BUT if we were alternating I know he would have as much right as me BUT i would find it gut wrenching and I think that this is what OP is trying to say......Zoesmummy I think your doing great and i wish you all the best xx

Ziggazee

OMG....I'm gobsmacked by some of the replies here. As has already been quoted.....these children are not possessions!!!

Notwithstanding what has happened between the parents the children's interests are paramount here. Why does one parent have more "rights" to the children than the other?

I'm a single parent and my son's father is no longer around having chosen to walk out on his life many years ago. My partner however has two children from his previous marriage (a marriage which broke down because she cheated) and I know full well it breaks his heart not being able to wake up with his children everyday, never mind Christmas. He and his ex keep things amicable for the sake of the children, and whilst relations between the two of them have become fractious at times never let the children pick up on this.

I can't see any reason why Xmas cannot be alternated. Clearly the father will be equally as upset about not seeing the children on Xmas morning, it's not only the mother who has the monopoly on those feelings.

choccymoose

cloverfan wrote: »

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

had the dreaded xmas discussion with the ex hubby last night, had planned on saying I wanted the kids with me and he could pick them up xmas day avo and have them through to boxing day evening. But then he bought up the fact that I had them last year, we'd only been seperated couple months at that point, cos he went off with someone else. And he chose to come here to see the kids xmas morning and spend the morning with us. So I had thought we'd start the split xmases this year but found myself going along with what he wanted-as i always do!!!
Believe me I have no romantic feelings towards him, and I plan on filing for divorce asap now im in a better place emotionally (the last year has been a rollercoaster!), but the thought of not having my babies with me when I get up xmas day, the thought of not seeing their faces when we come downstairs to see if santa has bought everything they wanted is enough to make me cry!!!! He is still with the woman he left me/us for and the thought of her seeing my kids opening christmas presents when I have to wait til later is seriously depressing. Im basically gonna be on my own until the kids come back!!! How do other people do this????[/QUOTE]


I think that alot of people here have missed an important part of the OP first post........

Could anyone who has been in this situation give her any ideas on how to deal with things??? I am a single parent who is lucky enough to get on with my kids Dad that he will spend Xmas day with us BUT if we were alternating I know he would have as much right as me BUT i would find it gut wrenching and I think that this is what OP is trying to say......Zoesmummy I think your doing great and i wish you all the best xx

That was indeed the original post, other posters though have jumped on the bandwagon, stating that the father has no rights and basically that the OP as mother is God.

In the posts that recommend doing the best for the children, the mothers feelings have been affirmed but point out that dad has feeling too.
My comments are aimed more at those who are flaming the situation instead of advising

compforus

True Clovefan, I guess a lot of us were more concerned about the children. So on the subject of how to cope... have you tried charity work? There are people who live alone especially the elderly who would love to have someone pop in and have a cup of tea with them on Christmas Day. Indulge yourself.. have a long bath, eat nice food if you can afford it and read a book or watch some TV. Look at the positive!

Vaila

i think that it would cause no harm to alternate the christmasses, ie since the mother had them last year the father should have them this year, as o cant think of anything worse then having to move the kids from one parent to another on christmas day

mandi

When my ex and I spilt up we made arrangements for our children to spend Christmas Eve & Christmas morning with me , then the afternoon & boxing day with him .

The presents are divided so they have two lots to open and most importantly they love it :j

Sorry haven't read the whole thread as I can see there is some differing opinions . Just thought I would tell you that this arrangement works really well .

cloverfan

I was meaning practical things ie when my X has DD/DS I do this this and that which helps me by this this and that iykwim???? I have not been in this situation as I said my X will spend day here with kids but in all honesty thats prob only bcoz we are both still single, when one of us meets someone else it might change......

I think OP needs some support from us all on here ......... some ideas of how to actually cope with those hours while LO's are not there........

fantafan

Ok, here goes. As somebody not from a broken home and only witnessing what other people do....

How about this.

You come to the arrangements that one has Christmas Eve/Christmas morning dropping off at lunchtime so Christmas Aft & Evening

The following year you swap.

The kids get to have 2 opening sessions, not too far apart only by a few hours. Christmas eve, (if you take this one as his for the eve/morn) you run a nice long bath, get a dvd at the ready and have a whole night pampering yourself. In the morning you get dinner prepared...from scratch to keep yourself busy and make sure everything is ready for them to see what santa brought to your house. You have the afternoon as your Christmas morning and through to night.

The following year, you get to do the excitement of Christmas eve, kids not sleeping and the morning opening presents, afternoon to recover catch up on sleep due to sneaking around til the dead of night wrapping presents.

There isn't an easy solution as being happily married or together would be the only one. You're not. Make the most of the time you have and bite the bullet that unfortunately for the sake of the kids, they deserve both of you...just in a shorter measure of each on Christmas day.

So much pressure is put on to one day. You love your kids every day so don't get too anxious over missing them for a few hours on the "hyped" up day.
If you get lonely, get yourself to the local church to a service....a warm and friendly place especially when you're feeling vulnerable.

Hope that helps and if not, sorry I tried.

grey_lady

Would the kids rather wake up and see mummy or daddy? if they've been very clingy lately it might be that they would be better waking up in their usual home/bed with mummy. Surely what's best for them should take precedent over what's best for the parent? Not saying that their dad shouldnt see them on Christmas day, but sounds like it could be upsetting for them to be away from mum. I think you need to put what's best for their Christmas first, not what is best for your ex.

gordikin

How does it sound that it could be upsetting for them to be away from mum?!