ex wants he kids for xmas eve/day, feeling depressed at the thought!!!

Money_maker

heretolearn wrote: »

We used to alternate years to have Christmas eve/christmas morning or christmas day (including christmas dinner/boxing day) Seems fair to me. Dads want to see kids faces Christmas morning too.

I must admit I felt a bit weird about it first time round when it wasn't my turn for Christmas morning, but then to be honest (and maybe I'm a horrible parent! lol) it was actually rather nice not to be woken up at 3am, and have a nice leisurely christmas breakfast in bed in peace and quiet instead!

This is obviously the most sensible compromise. You both get to spend Christmas with your children.

Problem solved.

susan1105

Hi there the first christmas when my ex left I was so messed up I told him he had to spend the day with the kids and me at mine I cooked dinner etc he was here from 7.00 am. I was a mess at times had a long etc so he could play with the boys. By 9.30am he was telling me he was bored. I got him a christmas card no love a jokey one he didnt even open it, so second year I invited him here said he could be here as early as he wants he came about 9.30 till 1 pm I even invited his parents over he was not impressed I had done that but it was quite good.

He has recently mentioned christmas and I am trying not to think about it, I dont think he will want them at his, my way of looking at is this is my boys home their beds and stocks, gift sacks are here, we share the cost of christmas presents and last year he got they a couple of small things for under his tree for when they where at his on Boxing Day.

I think myboys would be confussed with it all if they where not here christmas morning.

Good luck with any descision you make I think I will suggest that he either comes first thing to see them here or collects them around mid afternoon and they could spend the night at his and what I would do is start some christmas eve traditions.

We all use to go see his family on Box Day bigish gathering the first year I went last year no mention of it he went girlfriend didnt I think this year she may meet them all. I would love to say can I go this year as in some respects I lost part of my families christmas I will always count them as family and do keep in touch with them all.

Susan

Amanda65

nickyhutch wrote: »

And the kids gave up their right to see their Dad? When you split, for whatever reason, as a parent you have to make decisions with the kids' best interests at heart. Stopping the kids form spending special days with either parent is not in their best interests.

I have not said at all that the children don't have a right to see their dad - or that he has a right to see them! What I do think though is that he gave up the right to call the shots and if the OP feels it would be better for the children (who I am assuming, maybe incorrectly are quite young) to spend Christmas morning / lunch with her and then go to their dad's in the afternoon. And if he really wants to see them Christmas morning, and OP is in agreement, he could always come round early and watch them open their presents.

coolcait

kazmc wrote: »

Err yes it does when the father chooses to walk away for another woman. What happened to the idea of "mummy and daddy don't love each other any more, but we both still love you"?

How often do you hear of women leaving their children for another man?? I don't know the actual statistics, but I know it happens. It happened to two of my friends/neighbours when I was growing up...

I know of far more cases where women left their husbands for another man, but took the children with them, and adopted the 'possession is nine tenths of the law' approach when it came to fathers being allowed to spend time with their children. In many cases, those men lost their marriages and their children - because their wives left them for someone else.
Very very rarely and that's the difference

All that said, the OP was looking for ways to cope with not having the children on Christmas morning, and I hope she has found some ideas that will work for her in the good suggestions already posted.

My personal preference would be to have a full 'Christmas Day' on Christmas Eve - with the explanation that Santa knows how it works when mummies and daddies are in different houses. That could grow into a lovely family tradition even after the 'Santa' days are over. And what child won't love two days worth of opening presents ?

In terms of tradition, there are many, many countries which actually have their main celebration on Christmas Eve, so wouldn't be entirely 'different' to do it that way.

Hope you've got some ideas, OP - I can understand that the first year especially will be really difficult for you. Take care.

onetomany

omg i no im gonna get slatted here but i would never let my son go on xmas day he goes every boxing day !

choccymoose

onetomany wrote: »

omg i no im gonna get slatted here but i would never let my son go on xmas day he goes every boxing day !

depending on the situation ie Domestic violence or drug use etc that's fine, however as your son goes on boxing day i'm assuming that's not the case, so you sum the thread up perfectly by playing God! but then again as he appears to be your son not both of yours i guess that's ok:eek:

onetomany

choccymoose wrote: »

depending on the situation ie Domestic violence or drug use etc that's fine, however as your son goes on boxing day i'm assuming that's not the case, so you sum the thread up perfectly by playing God! but then again as he appears to be your son not both of yours i guess that's ok:eek:

not at all and the courts didnt see it as a unreasonable request, i see it as he has two familys and xmas day is is about our family unit which he is a BIG part of and i want his memories and his brothers to be about having fun with his brother not the both of them being separted , hes 13 now and doesnt seem to bother him

as for calling him MY sun i do because im the one who does everything for him not anybody else

seven-day-weekend

I have some friends who divorced after a very unhappy and messy marriage, with adultery on both sides.

The man has now re-married (to someone he met long after the split).

Despite what sort of husband he was the first time (abysmal), he is a wonderful father to his children,who are twelve and eleven. In fact they have now chosen to live with him and his second wife for the majority of the time.

To say as people have suggested to the OP 'no he can't have them for Christmas' is just plain WRONG! They are his children too not just the mother's. I can't understand why people think the father should not enjoy his children as much as the mum does, he divorced their mum, not them.

How selfish to just want to keep them for yourself and not let their FATHER (not just some anonymous sperm donor) share them. I do know that this is not what the OP has asked, but does appear to be what some people are recommending.

To the OP, as to how to manage, I think you wave them away with a smile on your face,(even if you don't feel smiley inside) let them enjoy Christmas day with their dad and then next year they spend it with you and he has them on Boxing Day.

Becles

I think it's nice that the Dad wants to have them on Christmas morning and still takes an active interest in the children. He deserves to share the special moments with them.

Too many fathers walk out and see the children rarely or never, and don't take any interest in providing a nice Christmas for them.

My ex only sees the children a few times a year (his choice) and refuses to have them on Christmas Day or at New Year as they get in the way of his binge drinking plans.

kendalls_cave

" Mummy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, but love you very much" comes to mind.

Really saddens me when kids are used as pawns to score against each other You don't love each other anymore - fair enough, life happens, but the kids should come first. Yeah he messed up as a partner, but he still has the right to see his kids faces on Xmas morning as they open their presents.