ex wants he kids for xmas eve/day, feeling depressed at the thought!!!

BAILEYS6904

Why on earth would it automatically be best for the kids being with the OP for xmas. It may well be, but you've based your decision on what exactly?

OP, i believe as a mother, you know whats best for your childrem, whether you chose to act on this is upto you. Thats what being a parent is about. All I can say is make sure your children know what is happening, what to expect and dont let them know if the decision you make upsets you. Its tough being a single mother and trying to do the honourable thing, but its also something you can be oh so proud of. The relationship I have with my son is amazing. however, the relationship he has with his dad is still good. DS's school report states how happy and secure he is as a child, and that statement makes all the tough decisions, sacrifices, and nights i've cried myself to sleep all worth it

HTH x

tattycath

And i suppose you know alot about the OPs situation to know that the kids spending christmas with their mother is actually best for them (as opposed to spending christmas with their father???
The kids would/will get into a routine of one christmas with one parent and the next year with the other.
Children benefit from a good relationship with each parent, quality time with each parent-and indeed, special occasions with each parent-alternate christmas, birthday, easter etc etc
and as for the comment about nappy rash...what a load of $£*%
OP needs to find something to do on christmas day on the occasions when daddy has the children, like maybe (as others have suggested) spend time with her parents, or siblings (admittedly i, initially found it difficult to see my family and friends having a happy time with their kids because i wasn't with mine), but it does get easier and you have a belated celebration to look forward to when the children come back to you after christmas.

mr218 wrote: »

to the OP,


you seem to think that being scrupulously fair in contact with your ex is the best for your kids.

really is that the case. what would be the best for your kids? i think spending christmas with you would be the best for them. it incidentally happens to be the best for you too. you are trying too hard to be fair to him and in doing so not always being fair on your children. is it fair that your son has nappy rash because he could not as diligent as you.

i think as a child i would love to have a ritual in my house and not be carted around every alternate year.

i know you are trying to do your best. but what is best for your ex is not necessarily what is best for your children. so stand up for yourself. there is a whole lot of difference between you who always allows contact and makes it happen and those women who are extremely vile and make it difficult for their children to have a relationship with their dad.

do what is best for the kids. equal contact is not always the best for them

zoesmummy_2006

wow i seem to have opened a can of worms with this thread!
im feeling better today, think the whole situation got me down last night because i was feeling ill on top of that.
I will never be 100% happy with the split christmas idea, at the end of the day this isnt what i wanted when we got married and chose to have children together, but its what ive got to deal with now and for the sake of my children i will do whats best for them. and that is to see their dad whenever possible, regardless of how i feel towards him or how the thought of not seeing my kids when they get up on xmas day makes me feel. At the end of the day, christmas is about the kids (and christianity etc etc), and the main thing is that they have a good time and see everyone who loves them. and at the end of it all its just one day........can bet you anything he wont want them at all new years lol xxx

sassy_one

Maybe you could both speak about having them for half a day each or maybe even one having them Christmas Day and the other Boxing Day

1more?

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

. He even comes into my home 3 nights a week to spend time with the kids.

so i dont understand why he just cant come around xmas morning so you can both see them,
if it were me i would say not in a million yrs punk, im sorry if i done all the hard graft all yr daddy isnt getting the best bits when hes more than happy to come around your house 3 times per wk
and the saying i love you all when he leaves is messing you about hun its not fair
i wish they had a kick a$$ smilie coz i think thats what you should do to him
goodluck with what ever you decide x

BAILEYS6904

Zoesmummy, good on you! You should be proud of yourself, well maybe thats not the right word, but you know what i mean lol. Its bloody difficult trying to do whats right, and taking the 'higher ground', but maybes a way to put a spin on it is the kids have 2 christmas's (they'll love that idea). Have your Christmas the day before/day after, and make a right do of it.

My DS had 3 birthdyas this year, my god, he thought he was important lol

Alternatively, if you can stomach it, invite ex Hubby round to see the kids open the pressies round at yours, see if he can match the gesture with an offer from his side.

Either way, keep smiling (on the outside at least), and they'll have a fab time xx

FatVonD

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

can bet you anything he wont want them at all new years lol xxx

Lol!

OH's ex always becomes uncharacteristically generous with the kids having extra time with us on Valentine's Day!

looby75

I don't know if this is at all possible but is there a family member or mutual friends house that you could all go to spend the day so you all get Christmas together.

Thats what ex and I do, we go to his parents (I am lucky that I am still very very close to my inlaws) and spend the day there, that way neither of us get to miss out being with the kids at Christmas. Ex has a new girlfriend this year, his past girlfriends had their own kids so they didn't come over (were invited but chose to stay at their own homes) to IL's but his new one doesn't and so far as I know is planning to spend the day with us.....that's going to be interesting lol But I don't mind if it means the kids get to have Christmas day with both mam and dad around.

Bitsy_Beans

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

wow i seem to have opened a can of worms with this thread!
im feeling better today, think the whole situation got me down last night because i was feeling ill on top of that.
I will never be 100% happy with the split christmas idea, at the end of the day this isnt what i wanted when we got married and chose to have children together, but its what ive got to deal with now and for the sake of my children i will do whats best for them. and that is to see their dad whenever possible, regardless of how i feel towards him or how the thought of not seeing my kids when they get up on xmas day makes me feel. At the end of the day, christmas is about the kids (and christianity etc etc), and the main thing is that they have a good time and see everyone who loves them. and at the end of it all its just one day........can bet you anything he wont want them at all new years lol xxx

Without sounding really patronising but good for you. It takes a strong person to rise above your differences and suck it up. At the end of the day your ex's failings as a husband are nothing to do with your children and as such they shouldn't be used as barter to punish or reward him.
Just remember that next Christmas if he's half the father he sounds he is then he'll probably be feeling much the same as you do.

Lady_S

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

He is still with the woman he left me/us

I really think this is an unhealthy way of thinking, for your kids sake.

He didn't abandon his kids, his relationship with you broke down.

For what it's worth, I think you are doing the right thing to keeping to the swapping situation.