ex wants he kids for xmas eve/day, feeling depressed at the thought!!!

zoesmummy_2006

had the dreaded xmas discussion with the ex hubby last night, had planned on saying I wanted the kids with me and he could pick them up xmas day avo and have them through to boxing day evening. But then he bought up the fact that I had them last year, we'd only been seperated couple months at that point, cos he went off with someone else. And he chose to come here to see the kids xmas morning and spend the morning with us. So I had thought we'd start the split xmases this year but found myself going along with what he wanted-as i always do!!!
Believe me I have no romantic feelings towards him, and I plan on filing for divorce asap now im in a better place emotionally (the last year has been a rollercoaster!), but the thought of not having my babies with me when I get up xmas day, the thought of not seeing their faces when we come downstairs to see if santa has bought everything they wanted is enough to make me cry!!!! He is still with the woman he left me/us for and the thought of her seeing my kids opening christmas presents when I have to wait til later is seriously depressing. Im basically gonna be on my own until the kids come back!!! How do other people do this????

jayII

I don't know what to advise, but just wanted to send strength and (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))).

floss2

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

had the dreaded xmas discussion with the ex hubby last night......

...... but the thought of not having my babies with me when I get up xmas day, the thought of not seeing their faces when we come downstairs to see if santa has bought everything they wanted is enough to make me cry!!!!

Doesn't their dad want to see their faces too?

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

..... Im basically gonna be on my own until the kids come back!!! How do other people do this????

I have to share my children, simple as. They are not my possessions, they were created with someone else who has as much right to see their face on Christmas morning as I do - even though they are now adults. We had exactly the same painful discussions and we settled for alternate years. It meant he always had to drive on Christmas day though, as I always made sure he had to come to where I was to pick up or drop off.

Why not spend the time with your family? Then he can bring the children to you, and you can have your family time with them.

kazmc

Omg, don't let them go then. It is more than fair that he can have them from the afternoon. I'm sorry but he gave up the right to spend that special time with them the day he walked out on them for someone else. My DDs dad left us when she was born and he knows hell would freeze over before i would let him have her Xmas Eve. She is 8 thou and if in the future she expressed a wish to be with him then that would be a whole different scenario and if she really wanted to go then I would if course let her. My DD goes to her dads Boxing Day and it's not up for discussion.
How dare he expect to play happy families with some woman he's been with 5 minutes.
I'll probably get shot down in flames for this post but by god this has got my blood boiling!!!!
Be strong and TELL him what us going to happen

*Louise*

So last year the kids were at yours on Xmas morning and he came round to see them - so you both saw them in the morning, opening presents etc.

This year he will have them and you will be stuck on your own....I can see why you're upset.

Are you on speaking terms with his new partner, (difficult, I imagine!) so at least you would be able to go there and spend Xmas morning with the children in the same way he did last year?

zoesmummy_2006

i'm sure he does want to, and i know that I have to be reasonable, I have never once stopped him seeing the kids since he left, despite him being continually late/refusing to see the kids unless his new gf was with him. He even comes into my home 3 nights a week to spend time with the kids. I have bent over backwards to make everything as easy as possible for the kids, but it doesnt mean thats its not gonna hurt like hell my first xmas without them. I know that its something i have to get used to but its still bloody hard. Im the one there when theyre sick/hurt/crying in the night, he cant even keep our sons bum nappy rash free at a weekend when he has them. I know i sound daft xx

Mrs_Moc

I would never have agreed to split christmases, and would tell him now its not going to happen!

He split the family up, so doesn't have that right.

poet123

As it is not an option for you to go to him as he did to you last year I would say no. The situation is not equal. I would keep them athome and let him collect them at lunchtime. He caused the situation so he should be the one inconvenienced.

Mrs_Moc

I think your mad agreeing to this, but I also think you can still change it.

My ex husband has our children every christmas afternoon till boxing day and it shall always be that way. Any other time of the year he can choose as he pleases.

Why are you bending over backwards to help him do anything? I agree you should be reasonable but this doesnt sound reasonable to me. I think you need to be more assertive and tell him no!

Sambucus_Nigra

repeat after me:

Well, you should have thought about that before you waltzed off with Lilo Lil*. You can pick them up at 2pm and not before.

* Note - other hussy names are available

zoesmummy_2006

his partner refuses to speak to me, I know who she is as she was engaged to one of his (now ex) mates a while back. He played hell at me for agreeing to go to my inlaws boxing day, they wanted me and the kids to go, he wanted to take his gf. She had to wait til we'd gone before going down. Its all just such a mess. I dont think he'd want her anywhere near me tbh as he has a habit of saying 'love you all' before he leaves, and text me to wish me happy anniversary on what would have been our 5th wedding anniversary a couple months back, so i could seriously screw things up for him. But I have no desire to do that, whats the point??? I dont want him back, sooner we're divorced and a custody agreement finalised the better. He doesnt see that he should be inconvienenced at all, when i mentioned that I plan on passing my driving test after the expense of xmas is out the way, he said good cos I can then drop the kids off to him/pick them up as it costs him a fortune coming to see/pick them up/drop them off!!!