ex wants he kids for xmas eve/day, feeling depressed at the thought!!!

zoesmummy_2006

our daughter is 4 and son 2. I used to send them every weekend with change od clothes, nappies wipes creams medicines (teething) and on occasions if they were going straight out, a packed lunch!! this was despite him paying no maintenence as he was 'supposedly' paying the mortgage on the house we bought that he continued to live in. have since found out that he hasnt been, despite he living with him soon as me and kids moved out.
I guess I do just have to suck it up and get on with it, and it will be hard on the day but i will get through it, and there will come a time in the future when i meet someone else and then my ex will have the same feelings as i do regarding someone else spending christmas with his kids. sure he'll not handle it well but thats life!!!

nickyhutch

Amanda65 wrote: »

I agree that he gave up the right to wake up with his children the day he walked.

And the kids gave up their right to see their Dad? When you split, for whatever reason, as a parent you have to make decisions with the kids' best interests at heart. Stopping the kids form spending special days with either parent is not in their best interests.

CallaLily

floss2 wrote: »

Doesn't their dad want to see their faces too?
Surely there dad did'nt care about "seeing their faces" on christmas day when he walked out on them? So why should the mother suffer missing out on Christmas day with her children? Surley splitting the day between them is better?


I have to share my children, simple as. They are not my possessions, they were created with someone else who has as much right to see their face on Christmas morning as I do - even though they are now adults. We had exactly the same painful discussions and we settled for alternate years. It meant he always had to drive on Christmas day though, as I always made sure he had to come to where I was to pick up or drop off.

Why not spend the time with your family? Then he can bring the children to you, and you can have your family time with them.

With my ex-husband we split it that I had them Christmas morning and he had them Christmas afternoon so everyone was happy, now a days they are here all day at Christmas as their Dad soon lost intrest in them as in his own words "He has a life!" just not one that includes being a father obviously.

*Louise*

If it were me I would stand firm and say he is welcome to come over on Xmas morning and see the kids like he did last year - and emphasise the fact that that way you will BOTH see them (and it will make for happier children having both parents on Xmas morning)

If my OH and I split up there is no way he would have the kids to himself on Xmas morning. Not because I'm selfish and want them to myself but because it's me who puts the magic into christmas for them - Xmas eve hampers, decorating cookies, laying out the gifts and a million other things, I know he wouldn't bother with half of it.:o

uolypool

Not on your nelly, when I seperated from my now ex (thank god) I actually allowed him to spend the first xmas day with us:eek: god I was so stupid back then.Since then however they have always spent christmas day with me (their choice as well as mine) and they go to his sisters house for boxing day to see his side of their family.He never bothers to turn up to see them there and just leaves money in cards for them.

zoesmummy_2006

I wont stop him seeing the kids on xmas day or any other day, i never have and never will. All my friends think im ludicrous cos i've bent over backwards to ensure that the kids see their dad whenever possible, but they do tend to agree they cant really comment as they havent been hurt like i have or in the situation im in.
Part of me does agree with the posters that say he didnt think about the kids when he walked, believe me he didnt, all he wanted was to go back to being single and have fun, and he went from one girl to the next within 2 days. He lost all his friends because of his behaviour, and he couldnt cope with having the kids on his own at weekends when he wanted to see them, hence only taking them for an hour or involving his gf's straight away!
But the other part of me says the kids didnt ask for this (neither did i but thats irrelevant now) and he's always gonna be their dad at the end of the day, and until the kids are old enough to say they dont want to do whatever I have to be responsible and mature and put what i feel aside and let the kids have xmas with their dad. I will however kick off bigtime if he is late returning them to me on xmas day, we have agreed 1pm but he has a tendancy to collect/return them late!!! Not that day he doesnt!!!!

zoesmummy_2006

fingers crossed i meet a sexy male who'll sweep me off my feet when i go out for my birthday next weekend and who's willing to be my xmas present til the kids come back lol xxx

nickyhutch

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

I wont stop him seeing the kids on xmas day or any other day, i never have and never will.

the kids didnt ask for this (neither did i but thats irrelevant now) and he's always gonna be their dad at the end of the day, and until the kids are old enough to say they dont want to do whatever I have to be responsible and mature and put what i feel aside and let the kids have xmas with their dad.

Spot on. Keep that in mind over the next few years and I promise your kids will thank you for it. Keep impartial and they will form their own opinions about their Dad. He might surprise you and be a brilliant Dad, despite not being around. My ex is a t0sser, but a fantastic Dad.

SuzySu

I have had a 'split' Christmas for the past 8 years....we make Christmas Eve our Christmas Day, complete with lit fire, hot choccy, opening pressies and then Christmas lunch. We then all go to midnight mass and I drop them off at their dad's.

I appreciate this won't work for everyone, but it has always worked for us and they get to spend a whole 'Christmas Day' with each parent.

Hope you can work something out that you are happy with.

Renya

Is there no way you could compromise? Perhaps you could all meet around a family or friends house or take the children for a walk on Christmas morning.

I take it you haven't spoken with your children about this, how do you think they'd feel in this situation?