Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

rushnowt

elona wrote:

Rushnowt

Tell her it is for parents to go - she will knock you over in the rush :)

LMAO, ya know ya probably right

Just an update, she's been really quite well behaved up till today, had no problems with her at all over the past few days, however she went to pick up her wages this morning saying she'd be back soon and she's not back yet, I just hope she hasn't gone and blown them all, she had over 2 weeks to collect so im really worried that she may have gone off to the pub with her mates.
Fingers crossed that she's just caught up with a friend and is having a girly chat round at hers :rolleyes:

Caz2_2

hi rush
you sound worried, why don't you text her. Mine always said when they would be in and where they were and i knew the last one was usually a fib but made me feel better and if she wasn't back when she said i threatened to go look for her in the car. She was once 2 hrs late with phone off, i think it was about 2 in morning when she was 17 so i said she coundn't go to her mates 18th and she didn't believe me but in she stayed and was very well behaved for about 1 month. But it sounds like you don't have this power at the moment, but i'd keep at her. It's hard relaxing when you don't know where they are and what they are up to. I hope she is in soon with all her wages but don't build your hopes up it sounds like she has been good for a while and now you are back to it. Keep ya pecker up. Thinking of you as i'm sure many others are and you Toozie

Savvy_Sue

My mum always used to say to me that although I always knew where I was and that I was OK, she didn't, so it was only fair that I should let her know where I was going and when I would be back. She also said to me that I always knew where she was going and when she'd be back, which was true enough. To me it's a basic courtesy thing: even at work if anyone is nipping out to the shop they say where they're going (and offer to stock up on chocolate if required!)

Even now I make a point of phoning the boys when I know they've got in from school before I've got in from work to give them an ETA. I have no idea whether they'd worry after two hours or two days, probably the latter, and my phone call sometimes seems to be a gross invasion of their privacy, but I persevere!

The older two are now pretty reliable at letting me know if they're doing anything unusual after school, and they're not party animals so I'm getting off lightly there. Eldest says "You worry too much" at regular intervals, but I say it's in the Job Description! 12 year old has just started the transmogrification into Kevin and oh boy, is that hard!

Elzo

I must say that I was 16 only 6 years ago and I really hated being a teenager! I was the same and just wanted to stay in my room all the time. It was because you get to an age where you are growing up and want your own space and preferably your own flat!!

I felt suffocated at home, not due to anyone's fault, just teenage angst. It takes a while to work out who you are and what you want.

Now I am much happier and can't believe how horrible I was to my parents sometimes! She will get over it soon, and will start to see you as a friend and not just a mother!

rushnowt

Caz2 wrote:

hi rush
you sound worried, why don't you text her. Mine always said when they would be in and where they were and i knew the last one was usually a fib but made me feel better and if she wasn't back when she said i threatened to go look for her in the car. She was once 2 hrs late with phone off, i think it was about 2 in morning when she was 17 so i said she coundn't go to her mates 18th and she didn't believe me but in she stayed and was very well behaved for about 1 month. But it sounds like you don't have this power at the moment, but i'd keep at her. It's hard relaxing when you don't know where they are and what they are up to. I hope she is in soon with all her wages but don't build your hopes up it sounds like she has been good for a while and now you are back to it. Keep ya pecker up. Thinking of you as i'm sure many others are and you Toozie

Hi Caroline,

To be hones i spend most of my time worrying about her, the problem is if i text her she wont/cant reply she either ignores my calls/texts etc or more comonly has no credit on her phone.

Well she got her her £200 on Friday and its all gone, she went shopping Friday and bought a coat & cigs from what i can see and she said she spent £20 on food ?? she said she's lent £10 to a mate and she blow the rest on Saturday after a drinking session that lasted all day and night.

She strolled in at 2.30 this morning after telling us she wouldnt be late home and is back to her usual ways, "its my money, my life, butt out " well that didnt last long.

I've realised that she can be they way you want her to be when she has no money but as soon as she has the demon is released. I just dont know what else i can do to be honest, i guess i just have to leave her to it and hope things improve in time

Hiya toozie,

hope things arnt too bad with you, its not easy is it, but remember we are all here for you anytime ya need a chat or just to let off steam.

take care xxx

elona

Rushnowt

Maybe the best you can hope for at the moment is that she behaves when she is skint and that as she chucks her money away as fast as possible then she will only be a nightmare for a couple of days.

Even if the rows and stress are only reduced by a bit - it must be nicer than before.

If you kept a note with Problems and situations noted down then I bet you would see there has been some improvement over the year.

Trouble is when there has been a lot of rows and bad behaviour then we do not focus on what is a bit better- only on what is still upsetting.

Good luck (Maybe if she realises that she could have a holiday abroad with her mates if she saved even £10 per week - or a fiver for a cheapie- light would dawn)

rchddap1

Holiday abroad is a good idea. All you need to do is put the idea in her head that she could use her money to go away over the summer to somewhere like Ibiza and that might encourage her to save a bit of cash. Especially if she likes clubs etc.... Of course you would then have the problem of her being out of your reach for a week or two, but it could be a big deal for her.

rushnowt

Thanks elona & rchddap1,

Your right it is a little better than it was, unfortunately im starting to think that thats the best its gonna get for a while, I dont know where she's going now but she started going out again at night, she strolled in last night at 12 ish and put her uniform in the washer and asked me to put it in the dryer for her when it finished, meaning i had to stay up till after 1am to do this, i just said i would but she would need to be more organised in future, it wasnt worth a row at that time of night to say no, and i didnt want the yunger kids awakened by her shouting.

However she's decided not to go into work today, and she's still in bed, she says she's ill, i feel awful saying this, but i just dont believe its anything more than a hangover, she blows all her money over the weekend and comes in bragging about how much perno she's drunk then cant handle it :mad: it just really winds me up. I know its not my job but i just think she's pushing her luck, its almost every monday she calls in sick now and i just cant see them excepting this for much longer, and if she loses her place here thats her NVQ down the swanny, i have visions of her sitting on her backside and not doing a damn thing about it.

As for the holiday idea, she mentions this at times herself, shes said she's going away with her friends in the summer, although i have no idea how she thinks she's gonna pay for it ? I asked her on Friday what she thought about the idea of giving me something out of her wages and i'd bank it for her then she'd have some money to do this but she said it was fine and she could save it herself. She reckons she's having her tarrot cards read this week and shes borrowing the money for this, so shes gonna be in the same positiopn again next week

She talks about wanting to have driving lessons and take her test, I suggested that if she did this and pass we could look at perhaps getting her a little runaround but she told me she wants a new car not a heap LOL, kids eh, what planet are they on :rolleyes:

rchddap1

About the car. Have you thought about putting some numbers in front of her? Finding out how much a loan will cost, add on the car tax, fuel, repairs, insurance etc.... Costs for a brand spanking new A* car (something nice and expensive of course). Then put the cost of a 'heap / banger' next to it and see what happens.

If she wants to go on hols then its up to her to save it. If she can't save the money she'll soon realise what she's doing to herself if she can't go, due to lack of cash.

At the end of the day you can only do so much. You can take the horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

Spendless

Oh dear Rush - i wish i could come up with some ideas for you.
Who is she borrowing the money from for the tarot card reading BTW?

I don't really want to hi-jack this thread but i'm after some thought from you,toozie and other parents of teenagers over this -

My youngest child qualifies for the CTF (child Trust Fund) and has a cheque for £277 that i need to invest, more money will be added by the government when she is 7.
I can't refuse to invest the money, as it will be invested on her behalf by the government instead, but i have no control over it. It is hers to spend as she wishes once she is 18. I can add upto £1200 per year, but it can't be withdrawn.

Currently she is a very cute nearly 2 year old - but who knows what the next 16 years will bring!

Older child has a savings account with husbands name on it,until husband takes name off, son can't have it.

So do you think i should open an account like this for daughter also, and let the CTF just have cheques she will receive automatically in it and either add nothing or very little, or take a chance and add to the CTF?

Sorry to hi-jack it, it is something that has come up with the other parents on the CTF discussion board that is on this site, but i was after views from parents of teenagers too.

Thanks