Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

rushnowt

toozie wrote:

Rush
What about an odd evening at the cinema, just the 2 of you, to see a '15' maybe? Let her chose the film!

There's been one hell of a row in this house tonight.....

Thanks toozie, i think i might just do that, i could do with the break as much as her i think as well,

and elona, excellent choice, wouldnt take much to persuade me to go watch Oceans Twelve, with the gorgeous George and Brad LOL, seen Oceans Eleven that many times, I could have written it

rushnowt

toozie wrote:

Rush

There's been one hell of a row in this house tonight.....

Ohh dear, I hope things have calmed down now, what started it off, or is that a silly question :rolleyes:

I know from experience that nothing has to happen she just flares for nowt

rushnowt

Thanks Princess,

any info is useful info in my book

toozie_2

[Originally Posted by toozie
Rush

There's been one hell of a row in this house tonight.....

She wanted a shower, and I'd just run myself a bath!!

elona

Toozie

One of the best things we did was to get rid of the shower over the bath and install a seperate walk in shower cubicle with opaque glass to protect modesty. If it had just been us two I would have got a power shower but ended up with electric so anyone who wanted a shower at any time could just have one without waiting for water to heat up.

It has been a life saver - except of course for when one of my darlings decides she fancies a long soak in the bath - when I say wait for a while till the water heats - uproar!

How dare I not be psychic? It is all my fault- bad mother! (smacking myself as I type) LOL :):)

rchddap1

My parents had a large enough bedroom to be able to build a seperate shower. They built another wall a few metres into their bedroom and essentially added another bit of hallway, and a little box room for a shower.

Caz2_2

Hi Rushnowt
I posted before on this and have only just managed to read this again now.
I said before my daughter was an absolute nightmare, now she is nearly 20 and great we have a good relationship. My daughter was taking drugs, her personality changed completely over night as I said before I went to bed with my kid and woke up with someone else's. I knew that something was very wrong ( we have 3 others that went through bad times but this was different)
Nobody else in the family believed she was capable of drug taking but I knew she was (just trying to be very honest) all kids are vulnerable to drugs, its not a slur on the family, it is reality these days. Eventually I decided that it was bad enough to get her out of the area, she was 18 by this time, we got her a shared flat and as she had qualified previously in a profession we managed to get her a job that she liked that was well paid with people her own age (exhausting doing all this). It was the best thing we could have done for her. She has a great job with new friends and a completely new life. I have since found out on a mother daughter shopping trip just what went on. I acted fine but went to toilet to throw up. Cocaine, cannibas, pills, everything but heroin, she can't remember half of what went on. Drugs are terrible they change kids overnight. When we talk now it scares her thinking of what may have become of her if she hadn't moved. She has stopped smoking (pain in the neck with lectures because i smoke) she goes to gym and is in to very healthy living,. Can you believe it! I suppose what I am saying is trust your instinct and tackle things head on, it sounds to me like your kid may have a drug problem, can you ask her mates why they have stopped talking to her, my guess is they are not happy with something she is doing. I also feel it would be really good if we could get a young person on here to give advice on the best way of handling these sorts of problems and an opinion of what may be wrong. I hope this dosen't sound too negative but I feel there is always a reason teenagers get too hard to handle, there is a difference between normal teenage behaviour and teenagers that are completely out of control.
best wishes Caroline

rushnowt

Thanks Caroline,

I wish all the social workers we spoke to would have had this attitude too, i was sick to the back teeth of hearing its normal behaviour these days, one even told us that her own 14 yr old daughter was that bad, that they had started to buy her alcohol to drink in the house so she wouldnt do it outside :eek: call me crazy but surely thats not a solution.

From what i can gather so far, i think there has been a lot of stuff said that people are now questioning, and her being found out for lie telling and s*** stirring has got her into some hot water with her friends. Its difficult to get all the info i need because of the secrecy of who most of her friends are, i know most of them by first name or nick name only, Im not really into coffee mornings with mums etc, i really like to keep myself to myself, been there, done that, got burnt, if ya know what i mean.

We moved to a new area just over 12 months ago now, it was a really difficult and costly decison for us but one that had to be done because of the company she was keeping in our old area, we found out that she was getting into the company of those who took drugs regularly, stole and had been in and out of detention centers, prison etc. We tried to keep her away from them but it was no good, the police constantly told us that their hands were tied, i was sick of it, no one would help us,

It was really hard when we moved, it was if she really hated us, all she cared about was these "friends" they were her life, i knew then that something was seriously wrong, and questioned her about drug taking, i knew she was drinking and smoking i could smell it on her the minute she walked through the door, but she denied having anything to do with drugs. It was when we noticed things going missing from the house, and we had a tip off from one of her real friends that she had put her new mobile phone on "lay" (not something id ever heard of before but soon picked stuff up) that she was lying to us.

I noticed bruises on her thighs and really bad scratches all down her back, has if she'd been dragged on the floor and i began to really worry about what was going on, its a long story but basically i played detective to find out info and relayed this to the police and the ring leader was sent down, i decided that it would be best to get out of the area then and hopefully get her to make new friends etc while she was free of him, It seemed to work for a while and after a few months she seemed to settle down and i thought we'd got over the worst. my problem now though is that he's out of prison and ive recently been informed that she been meeting up with him again, i dont know when this happens, apparently she gets a text message to meet him, one of her friends followed her and saw her get into a car on the local supermaket carpark.

It only came out because the last time which i think was a couple of weeks ago, she admitted to one of her friends that he had locked her in a room for hours and wouldnt let her out, fortunatley her mother came to me with this infomation or i would still be none the wiser, Ive now pulled my daughter about it and shes addmitted to meeting him about a dozen times, hes apparantly driving without a licence no tax no insurance and i doubt the car is actually his.

I really came down on her and explained that her actions where putting her into serious danger, if hes being chased by the police he s not just gonna put over, hes gonna speed off and possibly kill her in the process, I dont know if this as gone in or not i can only hope, im still trying to build bridges at the mo and we have spent another nice day together today which is more than ive had in years, so fingers crossed that we're making some headway

toozie_2

I have no advice Rush, but am thinking of you.
All the best xxx

elona

Rush

I read your most recent post and my blood ran cold - you have been through hell.

Maybe once your daughter is talking to you and does not see her family as the enemy then things will improve.

It sounds a dreadful thing to say but I am crossing my fingers that boyfriend gets caught out and sent down for a few years so he cannot influence her any more.

All that you can do is what you are doing - letting her feel safe and cared for and being there for her.
The best of luck and you all my best wishes. Your daughter is very lucky to have you and one day she will realise it.