Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

Caz2_2

Hi Rushnowt
My daughter also got involved with a lad who was real bad news thats when it all started. Only when we got her away from him did she realise where she was heading but it took ages to really stop the contact, he persisted in phoning and texting, so the phone went in the bin and we bought her a new one, he was also threatened and warned to keep away from her or else ( by her brothers). I think your daughter is in real danger and I think you need to be really tough, she sounds out of control and addicted to this lad. Do what ever you have to, keep phoning police reporting him, take her phone off her and keep her in. I was really tough with my daughter and she hated me but i coundn't have cared less as long as she was safe. If your daughter has bruising and scratches, someone is abusing her and she needs protecting, if he is on drugs and drinking and driving, god knows how he may hurt her next. Where is she going to be in 5 years time if she dosen't get away from him.
I really think you need to take some action and I am aware that today is her 17 birthday so i hope you are ok tonight dealing with her. I am also aware that I am very straight forward and a bit blunt but remember this is only my opinion. Caroline

rushnowt

toozie wrote:

I have no advice Rush, but am thinking of you.
All the best xxx

Thanks toozie,

I know what you mean, there arnt words for most of it, it just beggers belief that some kids go down this route. Ive spent month afer month crying thing was it something i did, and my only concelation to that is seeing that the others are nothing like and that gives me hope.

Anyway, hows things with you, i read about the bath/shower incident, its crazy aint it sometimes why something so simple can bring out the worst in em, i spend most of my time thinking, what the hell did i say or do but i never find any answers.

I just hope that having somewhere to come and post we at least help us all out instead of letting it bottle up, I know none of us have the answers but input from others going through the same or those that have come out on the other side are a great relief to me, I hope you feel the same.

Take care xxx

rushnowt

Thanks elona,

You completely see where im coming from, this is my worst fear about the future, i felt at one point that it wouldnt be too long before she was found dead in the gutter or at the very least on the road to a life of crime and prison.

I cannot allow her to have contact with this person because i know what hes like and what will happen, she hates me for informing on him , but i can live with that, when i eventually spoke to the chief inspector his words to me were, "if you think anything about your daughter, you must keep her away from him, he is a complete shower of s***e, I just hope and pray she shes this soon.

xxx



Thanks Caroline,

Firstly please dont think your bluntness bothers me it, really doesnt, in fact i wish others were like this, there are so many "professionals" that beat around the bush about it and i just feel they either dont understand or just dont have a clue.

Ive been so close to making sure this scumbag never has contact with my daughter again, but obviously i have to abide by the law, even if the law is an !!!!!! :mad:

My real trouble is that up to the past couple of weeks ive not been able to stop her doing what she wants, im sure youve read in other posts about her violence etc and she would think nothing of attacking either dad or me, when we tried to keep her in she reported us and we were told by the police that we could be charged with imprissoning a minor, the last time she went into a rage and started trying to kick holy s*** out of me i lost my temper and belted her back, she again reported us and we were told that if she wanted to bring charges against us she could do and i would be in serious trouble for assault it just drove me insane , how the hell are you supposed to stop someone out of control when you have these fears over your head.

At the moment she's still in and not had any contact with any of her friends, she still has the attitude and with fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, shes not coping well with her younger siblings very well at the moment and they really seem to be getting to her, I dont know what the answer is, im trying so hard to give her space and attention and at the time it seems to work but as soon as it finishes you can see that her mood is changing, at the moment i feel that as soon as these next couple of weeks are up she will be back off out and back to her normal routine

toozie_2

Rush

Is it possible to take out a court order to keep this boy out of your area? Not sure how they work, but then as you say you can't stop her following him.

At the moment she thinks she's in love, but eventually over time, because of her up-bringing, she will hopefully see him for what he really is. But in the meantime NEVER blame yourself. She's had the same home life as her siblings. Each individual has a different character and when they hit the hormonal early teens, all the s---t hits the fan. They hate everyone, and think everyone hates them, life is basically a boring s---t hole, and of course when someone remotely exciting comes along...you know what happens next.

My daughter's OK, I really can't bring myself to talk about my problems after reading these posts. But at the moment all is calm on "The Western Front"

All the best Rush xx

elona

Rushnowt

Is there anyone who could show your daughter the horrors of drugs first hand- or an older cousin or favourite aunt who she will not see as " the enemy" and is closer in age to her?

Does she actually listen to her sensible friends?

It sounds as if you could do with someone other than yourself putting forwards a sensible viewpoint. The more her parents try to get her "to see sense" the more she will block up her ears and you will be seen as against her.

I am sure I am not the only person reading this who is hoping the boy gets locked up and moved away before harming your daughter any further.

Something similar happened to a friend but not as bad - the lad got taken to prison Again! While he was there she met a nice lad and forgot about him but it put her parents through two or more years of worry. Big Hug!

rushnowt

toozie wrote:

My daughter's OK, I really can't bring myself to talk about my problems after reading these posts. But at the moment all is calm on "The Western Front"

All the best Rush xx

ohhh toozie, please dont say that, i feel awful now, i really only wanted to post to offer you support and to let you know that there are many others in our positions who need somewhere to come and chat.

Please dont feel that your problems are any less upsetting and stressful than mine or anyone else's because they most definately are not, we all need help and support and people to chat to.

I dont want to pry into your business, but it would really make me happy if you would continue to let us know how your going on, no one has all the answers but at least its some comfort to know that we are all here for each other and in the same boat xxx

toozie_2

Thanks Rush

Things haven't been too bad this weekend. My sister-in Law came over today with her 2 year old, who is so cute and funny, we all love her to bits. After they went my daughter has just stayed in her room, but there's been no rows, just abit of ignored back-chat.

What are your views on 15/16 year olds having a drink at home? I have bought her and a friend Alcopops in the past, but some of my friends think I'm being too laxed iresponsable with a 15 yr old.

Do you remember thinking how hard the new born baby stage was, and the toddler-having to have eyes in the back of your head stage. God I would love to go back to those days now!

rushnowt

toozie wrote:

Thanks Rush

Things haven't been too bad this weekend. My sister-in Law came over today with her 2 year old, who is so cute and funny, we all love her to bits. After they went my daughter has just stayed in her room, but there's been no rows, just abit of ignored back-chat.

What are your views on 15/16 year olds having a drink at home? I have bought her and a friend Alcopops in the past, but some of my friends think I'm being too laxed iresponsable with a 15 yr old.

Do you remember thinking how hard the new born baby stage was, and the toddler-having to have eyes in the back of your head stage. God I would love to go back to those days now!

Hiya toozie,

ohhh babies, dont ya just love em lol, two of my friends have recently given birth and i love it when i get to see them, such a lovely change, I guess i still consider my 4 yr old daughter to be my baby lol, they grow up so quickly.

But the nights of 2 hourly feeds and dirty nappies will stay with me forever lol, i remember a time when one of my girls about 3ish at the time had gone to the toilet and as i waited till she had done i went to get some towels out of my bedroom to fold and put in the bathroom, i must have been gone all of 30 seconds or so but she had still managed to grab the toothpaste off the sink and squirt it all over the toilet and the floor, what a nightmare to clean it up lol, There are so many things that i could have cried over at the time but make me laugh now.

Hmmm my views on kids drinking at 15/16, I think its a personal choice and depends on how well you know your own kids, my personal view would be to say no way, having said that ive allowed my own daughter to drink wine at home on occassion but i wouldnt buy it for her specifically mainly because, ive spent that long trying to stop her, she's been going to nightclubs for about 2 years now without my knowledge, and it only came to my attention one night about 6 months ago, when we got a call from my hubbys mother to say that my daughter had phoned for her uncle to pick her up. apparently what had happened was she had gone out to this club after telling me she was staying at a friends and in the process had lost the friends she had gone out with and gone off to stay at another girls house she'd met that night, she had been so drunk that in the morning she had no idea where she was, had no money and no credit on her phone, so had reversed the charges to telephone her uncle who then proceeded to drive around for over an hour trying to find her.

Now i have other friends who are parents of girls the same age as ours who have no problems with this and allow them to drink at home at weekends and purchase the alcopops for them, and they are great girls a real credit to their parents.
So i really guess it all depends on the type of kids they are, unfortunatley i think there are some that if you give them an inch they'll take a mile where as others are just happy to accept that at home it is acceptable but would never think of buying half a bottle of vodka form the off-licence and getting lashed in the local park with a gang of mates.

toozie_2

Rush

Guess i know what you mean about giving an inch and they take a mile. I have only bought her a bottle (an alcopop) now and again whilst we watch a video say on a Saturday night. You wouldn't find her in the park drinking vodka coz we haven't got a park or an off-licence within miles!!! Sorry just had to get that one in....I'm sure that wouldn't stop her.

The one conserlation is that I do know where she is all the time, she's got 3 very close friends, twins who are very quiet (I know quite ones r the worst), and another girl who lives within walking distance who is very clever, and heading for 10 A* at GCSE. She always knocks around with these 3, either here or at their houses.

At the moment I am getting alot of " In April when I'm 16, you can't stop me doing exactly want I want, when I want". What that means in terms of me banning her from something, I don't know. Coz I can't think of an occasion when I've said no, coz most of her requests have been negotionable.
Most of the problem is the total verble S--T coming constantly out of her mouth, eg saying her sister is a fat pig. Her sister is chubby and very conscious of it, but I never talk about her weight, but am trying to regulate the crap she eats.

I often have "I hate you, I hate this house, get a life you old bag" etc...

Give me back the 2 hourly breast feeding anyday!!

elona

Toozie

What makes her think 16 is a magical age?

Is she under the impression she will leave school - get a job - get a flat etc and be self sufficient?

Or is she just graciously prepared to continue studying while you feed clothe ,entertain and keep a roof over her head while she continues to insult you.

I would feel inclined to look up the age when you are no longer legally responsible for her and face her with it the next time she is on a rant!

I have in the past offerred to pack a suitcase for someone and throw them into the street pointing out that I would not let a stranger speak to me in such a fashion and I was D****** if I would let her and also pay for the priviledge. It did bring the person up short!

Fingers crossed - we are getting on much better but it took a couple of years of tears and tantrums - not always hers.