Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

culpepper

its hard to be a teen though isnt it?
Your not mature enough to be a voter, not allowed to smoke,drink ,drive etc but get a job when your sixteen and you have to pay tax just the same.
Everyone tells you their opinion of your hair,clothes,friends ,language ,eating habits,but you say the same to them and your just being an opinionated so and so.
You still want your mum and dad but you need them to let you be mature when you want to be.
Im glad its a long time since I was a teen

Spendless

Rush - could you use this time when she's fallen out with friends to do things together that are too grown up for the others to be included?

Having nails done together for example - or a beauty treatment.?

Or how do you think she'd be about looking at old photos from the time she was an only one and you talking about how much you enjoyed that time when you only had her and about how your grandparents adored her?

Good Luck

rushnowt

elona wrote:

Rush

If she has been spending a lot of time out of the house is it possible that she has built up a picture in her own mind of how the family is that bears no relation to reality?

If that is the case then maybe this time at home albeit enforced by her "friend" wanting nothing to do with her for a while will help her see how things really are!

She certainly does not sound happy in herself- could it be connected to low self esteem? I know you say she is very ****y but perhaps that is "whistling in the dark".

The best of luck to you and although I do not want to go into details I do know how you feel and in my case things have got better with time ( not to mention patience and gritted teeth)

Hiya elona

you make a very good point there,

since moving to this new area, we have been kept mainly in the dark about who her friends are etc but the other day one of her friends mothers came to visit me, we arranged to meet up and have a chat, I dont want to go into too much detail, but what i can say is it opened my eyes, the things that my daughter had been saying to these people and the reality was so far from the truth it blew me away, suffice to say im surprised there wasnt a witch hunt for us.

It hurt me to hear what had been said but at least now i have made a breakthrough by being in touch with one of the parents and able to gain info that i would never have knowledge of before. Im just hoping that i can now address a lot of stuff that i knew nothing about, and i now am able to contact other parents through this contact which can only help me see whats really going on.

rushnowt

culpepper wrote:

its hard to be a teen though isnt it?
Your not mature enough to be a voter, not allowed to smoke,drink ,drive etc but get a job when your sixteen and you have to pay tax just the same.
Everyone tells you their opinion of your hair,clothes,friends ,language ,eating habits,but you say the same to them and your just being an opinionated so and so.
You still want your mum and dad but you need them to let you be mature when you want to be.
Im glad its a long time since I was a teen

Your right it is hard being a teen,

But the problem is that as you say your not allowed to drink, smoke etc, but it doesnt stop them, they will find a way to do everything you dont want them to do, however much you try to do the best for them

rushnowt

Spendless wrote:

Rush - could you use this time when she's fallen out with friends to do things together that are too grown up for the others to be included?

Having nails done together for example - or a beauty treatment.?

Or how do you think she'd be about looking at old photos from the time she was an only one and you talking about how much you enjoyed that time when you only had her and about how your grandparents adored her?

Good Luck

Hi Spendless,

I'm hoping that we can do some of these things over the next couple of weeks, I just dont want to run before i can walk so to speak and make her feel that life revolves around her, does that sound harsh ?

Sometimes its just so difficult to do the right thing, i sometimes wonder if i'm pandering to her bad behaviour and how the other kids will see this ?? Gosh being a parent is hard work LOL,

We did go shopping together tho on Saturday and it was really nice, we shopped and chatted and it was so good to just have that time together without the arguments, It makes a change rom the "god i dont want you with me , its soooooooooo embarrassing " so maybe we've had a breakthrough there, fingers crossed

toozie_2

Rush
What about an odd evening at the cinema, just the 2 of you, to see a '15' maybe? Let her chose the film!

There's been one hell of a row in this house tonight.....

elona

If you do go to the cinema then I can recommend Ocean's 12.All my daughters have enjoyed the film - age 11 ,15 and 19 (I did as well)

nearlyrich

I've got a 17 year old daughter, everyone loves her including me BUT since her brother went to uni she can be a right horror at times, I think she misses fighting with him!LOL

She's been on holiday for 2 weeks and I've missed her, but I've not missed her stuff all over the house, the washing, the disappearance of my hairspray, moisturiser etc.

Come September she'll be off to uni herself and I know she's under a lot of pressure to get the grades she needs but it's a bit of pain when she's the perfect daughter outside but not in the house.

Good luck to all parents of teens, it's harder than having 2 little tots believe me.

princess

http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/templates/home/index.cfm

Hi can i recommend this organisation - 'ParentlinePlus' for lots of helpful ideas on parenting and a free telephone helpline available day or night if anyone is having any really desperate moments or just feels like a chat. Its like childline but for parents. They even offer free 1:1 telephone counselling on a regular basis for people who have longterm issues. Anyway do have a look or give them a call......it can all be done anonymously. Good luck.

Quackers

princess wrote:

http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/templates/home/index.cfm

Hi can i recommend this organisation - 'ParentlinePlus' for lots of helpful ideas on parenting and a free telephone helpline available day or night if anyone is having any really desperate moments or just feels like a chat. Its like childline but for parents. They even offer free 1:1 telephone counselling on a regular basis for people who have longterm issues. Anyway do have a look or give them a call......it can all be done anonymously. Good luck.

Thanks Princess. Just had a flick through and it will definately help me.

I am in no position to offer advice but after reading all your posts its definately good to know I'm not alone!!

I was just wondering if 13 is too young to post my daughter off to 'brat camp!' (and she's not 13 for another 2 weeks!!)