Nightmare 15 yr old daughter

rushnowt

elona wrote:

Rushnowt

Is there anyone who could show your daughter the horrors of drugs first hand- or an older cousin or favourite aunt who she will not see as " the enemy" and is closer in age to her?

Does she actually listen to her sensible friends?

It sounds as if you could do with someone other than yourself putting forwards a sensible viewpoint. The more her parents try to get her "to see sense" the more she will block up her ears and you will be seen as against her.

I am sure I am not the only person reading this who is hoping the boy gets locked up and moved away before harming your daughter any further.

Something similar happened to a friend but not as bad - the lad got taken to prison Again! While he was there she met a nice lad and forgot about him but it put her parents through two or more years of worry. Big Hug!

Hi elona,

I wish there was someone to be honest but i dont have a large family and the only person who would give her a good talking to would be her uncle on my hubbys side, he has spoken to her on occassion when shes got herself into dangerous situations and hes not one to take any crap from her, but i just get the feeling that she's learned how to nod and agree at the right places but doesnt really take any of it in.

Its like , he can give her a real good talking to then the next day she goes and does it all over again, sometimes i just feel like saying to him "your wating your breath" its so frustrating.

No ones ever been into drugs on my side of the family, my mum did admit to sharing 1 joint once when she was young, and the most ive ever done is taken 1 drag on one many years ago, I know many of my friends were into different stuff but it just never interested me, and i was able to say no and mean it.

I think we're she gets her ideas from sometimes is from a cousin on my hubbys side, he has a joint occassionally and she seems to think that because he does then why shouldnt she, i dont agree with what he does but its his choice and hes a grown man earning his own money so in affect he can do what he wants with it, he owns his own home and pays his way so i guess its something he's in control of.

To be honest with you though, most of the family think im to harsh on her and that i should allow her to learn from her own mistakes, no one really see's the full picture, she can be a dream child with others and only occassionaly have people seen her snap, the difference is that she's with us 24/7 so we know whats really going on, i get the feeling sometimes that they think im lying and cant understand why i cant cope, which really hurts me.

She does to some extent pay attention to most of her friends that she has around here, none of them can abide drugs, so i'm sure at the moment shes not taking anything, apart from drink, i think its only an issue when she meets up with the scumbag from our previous area.

Im at a loss at the moment to what i can do about that but im still working on it, shes still made no effort to go out anywhere so she's not seen him in the last couple of weeks, I dont know where she's up to with her friends yet either has she doesnt say very much, at the moment im still playing it by ear.

Savvy_Sue

Specifically with regard to drug use, you may find Families Anonymous helpful.

It is very hard for teenagers to take in from other people how dangerous drug use can be - they will never get as addicted as that person, their use is under control, they are not a sad loser etc etc etc.

As for drinking at home: I have encouraged my children to taste beer, wine, cider etc from about 10. The older two still hate it all, but the youngest, 12, shares a 25cl bottle of beer or cider with me or his father most Sunday lunchtimes. I don't know how strong alcopops are, but I'm quite sure the youngest will want to up his alcohol intake as he gets older. And better to drink with an adult than alone, surely. I would rather my children were drinking at home than sharing a large bottle of rough cider down the park, at least until I know that they know how much they can handle!

I believe that alcoholism is far more of a problem in the UK than it is in France, where children 'learn' to drink with their families, over the meal table.

What I think would be irresponsible would be buying in a load of alcopops for a group of youngsters and going out for the evening so that there is no-one responsible to monitor who is drinking what and how much other alcohol has been brought.

Caz2_2

Hi rushnowt
You say your daughter is 17, what is she doing at moment, is she at school, college or working? also there must be a sensible side to her as she mixes with other kids who don't take drugs and you never know, she might surcome to peer pressure if these friends are not talking to her, they might not like her life style and that will have a lot of influence. One thing i found hard was how much influence peers had on my daughter, no matter how well i brought her up i felt powerless as a mother they mattered more. So you never know

rushnowt

Caz2 wrote:

Hi rushnowt
You say your daughter is 17, what is she doing at moment, is she at school, college or working? also there must be a sensible side to her as she mixes with other kids who don't take drugs and you never know, she might surcome to peer pressure if these friends are not talking to her, they might not like her life style and that will have a lot of influence. One thing i found hard was how much influence peers had on my daughter, no matter how well i brought her up i felt powerless as a mother they mattered more. So you never know

Hi Caroline,

She's doing an NVQ at the moment in childcare, she as a placement at a local private nursery 4 days a week and really seems to be enjoying it, everyone we meet comments on how great she is with other kids so i has it in her.

She also excellent at art, drawing and stuff, I tried so hard to encourage her to pursue this path because i just knew she had a talent but it wasnt to be and I think she felt as if i was trying to live her life for her so had to back off and leave her to make her own choices, it is a real shame because all through the latter part of high school she wanted to be a designer but I think for some reason she feels chidcare is an easier option, she didnt want to go to college full time or uni, although i cant understand why, I wish I had been given the opportunities she had. But ya cant force them can you.

She does show a sensible side occassionally although its very rare, sometimes im amazed that at 17 she still does and says the things she does. She has previously done work experience in both a learning difficulties school and a nursery, both of which have given her glowing reports and shes obviously doing something right at work now because they wouldnt put up with any funny business while looking after the kids at nursery, so theres hope somewhere i'm sure of it.

I just wish she thought as much about us though that she does her friends, I guess thats a learning curve though and she will eventually come to realise in time that her family are really the only people she can totally depend on through thick or thin.

rushnowt

Hi toozie,

my daughter was exactly the same always going on about when she was 16 she was out of this dump and gonna do what she wanted when she wanted, not much different to how she was anyway LOL,

I think most of them think that they can just walk into the council and be given a lovely home there and then. not the reality though, my daughter went to them telling a pack of lies about how i'd kicked her out and she had no where to go, they offered her a place in a refuge but fortunately they rang me to ask what was happening so I could fill them in with the truth, obviously she was then told she couldnt move in and that they had been informed that she hadnt actually been kicked out at all.

There is help available though in my local area, theres a charity that offer really nice fully furnished accommodation to teens from 16 years old, my daughter was given a lovely house that she shared with a friend, reduced rent etc all dependant on how much money you are earning, but she did not know how to appreciate it, the place was trashed by gangs of "mates" broken into etc etc, and after 2 weeks she was out on her ear.

It amazes me that they think they can live in an adult world but have no idea how to behave like an adult, most of them really do have to do a lot of growing up mentally.

toozie_2

Hi Rush

At least she is sticking to the NVQ. I've just completed a customer care one with work, and I think I would have rather just sat an exam, and passed/or failed. If she can finish this, its a stepping stone to a job, and you never know the art might come in when she's grown up a bit, she'll always have the talent.

My daughter's not too bad, at the moment, no screaming abuse, but we are going away for a long weekend on Friday, and I think she's looking forward to that-although she'd never admit to it. All the communication we've always had, has now disappeared. The most simplist of questions either ends in a row, or negativity.

I'll keep you posted!

chardonnay_2

channel 4 is looking for teenagers to go on the next series of brat camp

toozie_2

Mine is not that bad ....yet!

rushnowt

LOL, and i'd have to knock mine out to get her there, theres no way she'd admit to being in the wrong about anything so she definately wouldnt do anything like that.

elona

Rushnowt

Tell her it is for parents to go - she will knock you over in the rush :):)