Does anyone else find it hard to make friends?

Monkeynut

ladybez wrote: »

I have always found it difficult to make friends, possibly due to some mistakes I made as a child. After having DD1 really only had family to speak to. When she was 6 she came home from Rainbows and said it was going to close if no one could be found to take it over. I felt so sorry for her that I said I would look into helping. 16 year later I have friends all over the world, made through Guiding, even though I don't consider any of them close "best friends". 5 years ago I also started to help at the local Church Lads Brigade and the people there have always treated me as "one of the family". My OH will not get involved with anything but at least my helping out has saved my sanity. So perhaps volunteer for something, most youth groups are crying out for adult helpers. If you have ever been in Guiding they do have their own section for more mature people (the Trefoil Guild).
Good luck with watever you decide to do.

Came across this thread while having a general browse around and have had a read through, and I have to comment just to second this thread.
I got back into Guiding when I'd dropped out of University and could only find part time night work, and wanted something else to keep me occupied and to look good on a CV and Personal Statement when I apply for a different degree course. I was just a helper, then both the leaders were leaving at the same time, and it was basically if I didn't take over as Leader then it would have to close.
Due to the nature of volunteering, people tend to be quite nice natured! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying people that don't volunteer aren't nice, but just that people that do volunteer, usually are. Selfish horrible people wouldn't really want to would they!

Our district has social events every so often, as well as what I call 'tea and biscuit chats' after the district meetings every few months. If there is someone you feel you would get on being friends with, then try and help arrange some sort of activity where your different units do something together, as then in organising this you will be having more contact, which you could then end up suggestsing meeting up for a coffee one afternoon, and that's the start to a new friendship!
You will also make links with parents etc as they drop their kids off - get chatting to them, and you might find that theres events etc that they mention that are of interest to you, and it can snowball from there!
I find it more difficult to approach people who seem shy as I worry they will be uncomfortable. So if people don't know your shy, they won't treat you as such, and this should then rub off on you and you will be more confident and therefore approachable!

Smit1970

DatabaseError wrote: »

well...I decided to be pro-active.
Yesterday I joined a dating website (fishy one)....... I figured rather than just being a geeky retreat, the internet could help,

The internet does help. Talking and chatting can be most cathartic (as this site demonstrates). Although with internet dating, you may be better chewing this stuff over with people who have similar interests. There is such a topic specific forum here: Internet Dating Forums

To the OP: I wouldn't worry too much about "repelling" people; that may be just your perception of your impression on others. The fact stuff is not going well with hubby right now will only make you feel worse. Work on that before seeking outside interests is my advice.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Like others on here I know lots of people but not really got anyone I can just ring up for a chat or pop round to their house etc. If anyone wants to PM me id be glad to chat! I started a local book group via an ad on gumtree which is good but not really got to know anyone in depth yet and we only meet every couple of months but im hoping something will develop there. Im in York BTW.

LameWolf

Since becoming disabled and needing a carer (my husband) with me in order to go anywhere, I find myself more and more nervous of interacting with others.

I'm fine on a forum like MSE, and can even cope with PMs/emails, but talking to anyone on the phone, or face to face, scares me witless. If we go to the pub, I end up letting hubby do all the social stuff, and I just sit quietly in the corner nursing me beer!

I have an old acquaintance coming over Sunday - she's basically invited herself - and I'm stressing big time about it. I can't really put a finger on why, it's just I don't really "do" visitors.

Anyone else in anything like a similar situation?

Nottoobadyet

I hear you all on this thread. I have a few friends here and there but am particularly bad at keeping up with people.

I tend to move country every few years or so and always find it so hard to start from scratch, and my OH has had a real problem finding friends in London. I've found that so far the best way to make work friends / acquaintances in to real friends is to invite them by for a meal. So few young Londoners can cook that it makes it a bit special and people are usually good about inviting you by theirs the next time, even if just for a take away.

RoxieW

I think that you have to really put the effort in with people and not expect friends to fall into your lap. For example there was one girl I liked the look of (similar age to me, into fashion, same aged child) so I would try to say hi to her but som etimes it seemed like she would ignore me. I perservered and she is now one of my best friends and I see her several times a week. She's just shy that's all and not really great with new people. A lot of people write her off as up herself because of this. I'm glad that I didn't.
You also have to out in the effort to keep friends once made. A lot of my friends fall into the category of a lot of the posters on here and only want to do things in the daytime or whenever it doesn't infringe of family time. That annoys me because you kind of just feel like you are a time killer for when they are bored. I also have a family and 3 children and my life is very busy but I think that friendships are important and need one on one grown up time not just a coffee with the kids in tow. It doesn't make you feel valued as a friend if someone isn't prepared to put time/effort/money (they are skint yet they have the money to go out with the husband or whatever). Effort wise I have a friend who I am always the one arranging to meet up. She doesn't yet she will complain that she hasn't seem me in ages.
One thing that I am guilty off is being too sensitive and letting that ruin friendships. Ive been hurt by friends in the past but I'm now learning that no one is perfect and what is a big deal to me may not seem a big deal to them. If I value their friendship and things are good 90% of the time then I forgive and forget. I'm sure I've upset people along the way without realizing it too.
Bottom line is to make people feel good about themselves.

RoxieW

Oh and confuzzled I will PM you! Congrats on the pregnancy!
I'd also be up for a mse meet up

top_drawer_2

hi,

I find it hugely difficult to even find people who want to know me! I've no idea why, I am not asking them to marry me. Awhile ago and joined a diet group and have been attending for around five weeks now, I had to stop these past three weeks as I had exams and then went on holiday. Tonight I weighed in and afterwards we have a bit of time to sit and chat, no-one spoke to me or asked how I had done(at the weigh in) or involved me in their conversation. They were all talking to one another in 2's or 3's and I didnt see how I could involve myself. When I first joined they allocated me a "mentor" to introduce me, the first week she chatted with me ...... the rest of the weeks she asked how I had done after the weigh in and then went back to chatting to other members of the group. Tonight she completely ignored me. I said hello to her on the way in with two other group members and she said Hi back (I'm guessing this was to the two other group members though).

Its so damm hard.

Hoopylass

RoxieW wrote: »

It doesn't make you feel valued as a friend if someone isn't prepared to put time/effort/money (they are skint yet they have the money to go out with the husband or whatever).
One thing that I am guilty off is being too sensitive and letting that ruin friendships. Ive been hurt by friends in the past but I'm now learning that no one is perfect and what is a big deal to me may not seem a big deal to them. If I value their friendship and things are good 90% of the time then I forgive and forget. I'm sure I've upset people along the way without realizing it too.
Bottom line is to make people feel good about themselves.

OMG this is me! Lol.
Ive been badly let down by so called friends in the past...what Ive learned is that I was basically being used by them and when the time came for me to need them I was let down and hurt.
I do take things to sensitively but I dont know how to stop it.
Facebook for me can be a nightmare...you fnd out what people are doing and then im left at home sitting thinking "why havnt they asked me to do this and that"
Ive spent the past few weekends with zero communication from anyone and it really gets you down. Why do I have the be the one who suggests doing things all the time???

red_devil

its much easier to make friends as an expat in another country.

People are glad of friends.