Does anyone else find it hard to make friends?

moneypuddle

FelinePrincess wrote: »

Hi!

I often feel like people wont be interested in hearing what I have to say, or about me so don't tend to talk about myself much so I don't know what impression this gives when I meet people and even though I don't consider myself to be a shy person I'm too shy to make the first move with potential friends so maybe i give the impression I'm not interested. I always feel like everyone else already has established groups of friends so it's hard to break into a group and tbh, I'm not sure I want to be in a big group, I'd just like a couple of friends to do stuff with now and then and txt/speak to/email regularly so I can have a bit more human contact when I'm working!

Woah, I could have written this myself until recently. I really hope things sort themselves out for you. You really do sound like you deserve it.

FelinePrincess

moneypuddle wrote: »

Woah, I could have written this myself until recently. I really hope things sort themselves out for you. You really do sound like you deserve it.

Thanks Moneypuddle, it's good to read that you were in the same sort of situation and had a happy ending

moneypuddle

Oh absolutely. I was forcing myself to the gym, to an art class, really just to places I really didn't want to with the sole purpose of meeting people then aways managed to come away feeling so disappointed if it didn't happen, and became very 'why me?!?!' about everything. Placing too much emphasis on finding friends will be exactly why you might not, so I'd say just relax, be yourself and you WILL meet someone, somehow who is just on your wavelength whether its in the supermarket, the petrol station or in the middle of a field. If you're not mad keen on nightclubs etc, dont go out to those kind of places expecting to meet people because they will most likely not be into the sorts of things you are. Are you on social networking sites like facebook? Although they can initially make you feel worse about your situation (because they do make it seem like everyone is just having THE BEST time) they can really help in striking old acquaintances into friendships. Good luck, my love .

bestpud

I think it's important to remember everyone has rejection issues to some degree - I mean, it's not a nice feeling for anyone.

Sometimes I think people who lack confidence can too readily assume others aren't bothered whether or not they contact them.

I have to say, OP, I don't like the way you've dismissed shellsuit on this thread and I find it quite rude of you to say you will make an effort when it suits you.

Fact is, shell did make an effort for you, and
you've basically ignored her and have now said you couldn't be bothered as it wasn't right for you. If that was the case, why not just let her know instead of leaving her feeling she'd done something wrong?

You've basically treated another person in the way you say others treat you! Surely you can see that? :cool:

Sorry to bring that up again but it was bugging me! Everyone has feelings and maybe you need to develop some empathy if you want to make friends?

izzybusy23

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

I am in Cheltenham!

I am in Churchdown!!

izzybusy23

DatabaseError wrote: »

well...I decided to be pro-active.
Yesterday I joined a dating website (fishy one), today i've exchanged over 200 text messages with someone, and a couple of phone calls, and we're out for dinner tomorrow. Not saying ~I'm fixed, but 1 less stranger, maybe 1 more friend?
...and she knows i'm nervous as hell...it does show..she thinks it's sweet

pebbles - I'm here because I'm no expert, but I'm experiencing 'interesting times' right now, I figured rather than just being a geeky retreat, the internet could help, so I've shared my troubles with a handful of people i have vague internet relationships with, but don't know in real life. I think it helps to talk, and many of us feel insecure, that if we open up we give others ammunition on us. But speaking to almost strangers gives the opportunity to open up, you can be totally honest as you really have nothing to lose, they don't know who you really are..where you live etc.... I've had nothing but sympathy and good advice from the ones I've opened up to...which then gave me the confidence to seize the moment and join the dating site, as I have everything to gain, and nothing to lose.

Good luck xD

How did it go, your date? I am on that fishy website too, full of weirdo's!! ha ha.. exchanged texts and emails with some guys but only 3 or 4; I even get propositioned by woman on there!! Its ok though if you want to chat to a stranger.

I got a rescue dog on Friday; I am hoping by me and my dd taking it for walks might open up some chats with other dog walkers!

ladybez

I have always found it difficult to make friends, possibly due to some mistakes I made as a child. After having DD1 really only had family to speak to. When she was 6 she came home from Rainbows and said it was going to close if no one could be found to take it over. I felt so sorry for her that I said I would look into helping. 16 year later I have friends all over the world, made through Guiding, even though I don't consider any of them close "best friends". 5 years ago I also started to help at the local Church Lads Brigade and the people there have always treated me as "one of the family". My OH will not get involved with anything but at least my helping out has saved my sanity. So perhaps volunteer for something, most youth groups are crying out for adult helpers. If you have ever been in Guiding they do have their own section for more mature people (the Trefoil Guild).
Good luck with watever you decide to do.

Littlemadam83

bestpud wrote: »

I think it's important to remember everyone has rejection issues to some degree - I mean, it's not a nice feeling for anyone.

Sometimes I think people who lack confidence can too readily assume others aren't bothered whether or not they contact them.

I have to say, OP, I don't like the way you've dismissed shellsuit on this thread and I find it quite rude of you to say you will make an effort when it suits you.

Fact is, shell did make an effort for you, and
you've basically ignored her and have now said you couldn't be bothered as it wasn't right for you. If that was the case, why not just let her know instead of leaving her feeling she'd done something wrong?

You've basically treated another person in the way you say others treat you! Surely you can see that? :cool:

Sorry to bring that up again but it was bugging me! Everyone has feelings and maybe you need to develop some empathy if you want to make friends?

Reading back I can see why it has been bugging you. I emailed Shell straight after to apologise and yes I screwed up. I will still maintain however the kind of friendship I mean is a physical one, where we meet up every few weeks. That I am good at when have had friends in the past.

I have taken Shells advice and others on board and am making more of an effort to stay in touch with people. I suppose it goes back to boring people, atleast if you are out doing something I find easier than writing a monologue over email.

xxx

gabyjane

Hi, not read all the replies but sure i started a similar thread a long while back..i hoped to come on and see what ide achieved from it but forgot till now!

I called a couple of old childminders up who i knew and we now meet up regularly which is nice..i joined a childcare site and now have a friend who i meet on there. I have 2 other friends who i see who i am very good friends with and I am seeing my sil more and tbh i am finding not enough hours and days in the week to fit everyone in! I am quiet and not good at making converstion so tend to go where i know and stick to it unless accompanied by someone! I have quite a few friends on FB too and even if its just a quick chat on the chat bit it's nice to speak to others who i know.

Just now i have dropped one of mindees off at school..got out of car and one of the mums said 'hi' never seen her ebfore so replied 'hi'! I dropped LO in and this woman started chatting away and we got talking which was lovely..she said 'see you later on at pick up time' i was like 'yeah will do'. Thing is i have this a lot and never make what i call 'proper' friends which i think is what i miss from years ago and my old crowd who are now split up everywhere, still see them but miss the girly evenings sometimes.
I hope things have improved a bit since this thread and helped you venture out more..x

stclair

Im not sure where you are located OP however you may find this website of interest:

http://london.citysocialising.com/

*please accept my apologies if its already been mentioned*