Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

Bitsy_Beans

jojo90 wrote: »

Good on him I say... better than finding some excuse to split up or just not returning your calls.

We want the girl we spend time with to look good both inside and outside the bedroom. Sure it's superficial but that's how a guys brain works. Despite what the magazines tell you big is not beautiful and its not OK.

Maybe if both parties are overweight it's 'OK'... but I reckon their eyes would wander many times each day and their brains think 'if only....'.

It shortens your life and decreases the quality of that life, it's all your own fault and nobody elses, so make the change for you .

I really think you do a massive disservice to the male species posting carp like that. Thankfully most of the men I know aren't this lame.


Back to the OP - I am not sure I could be with someone who so early in the relationship was basically pointing out all the reasons I wasn't his perfect person, I'd find that demoralising to say the least.
No one is going to dispute the fact that being morbidly obese is good for you, it's not. But the key to losing weight and keeping it off isn't for someone else to like you more - you have to do it for you and no one else.

Good luck with your weightloss

clairehi

Any wrote: »

I would also like to say that I think there is difference of being overweight (ie stone or two) and being told by doctor that one is morbidly obese and chancing ones health.

We are dealing with the latter.

Totally agree.

*max*

Any wrote: »

I would also like to say that I think there is difference of being overweight (ie stone or two) and being told by doctor that one is morbidly obese and chancing ones health.

We are dealing with the latter.

I agree. However, I'm sure the OP is perfectly aware of this, as she was actually already trying to lose the weight before the BF's comments. He *could* have said he was worried about her health, and was really glad she chose to take care of herself by losing the weight, as this will improve the chances of a healthy pregnancy in the future and ultimately their life as a couple.

He didn't say that. He commented on her attractiveness. He said he would leave if she didn't lose weight. He wasn't being supportive and loving, he was putting her down and damaging her self esteem.

I know everyone's different, and the OP may not see it that way (or may be trying to find excuses for him?), but that is my opinion.

blushred2

Thanks for all the replies.

I rang him, and he offered no apology, or enquired as to how i was today after that amazing conversation last night.

I gently reminded him of waht he had said.. His reply was i was just trying to give you the kick up the bum u need, the doc has told u.
i'm just repeating what he said.

I'm a bit of an emotional wreck at the minute. but i reached for a kiwi instead of the usual bar of choc.

Gotta start with small steps.

Take care everyone. x

Fuzzy_Duck

jojo90 wrote: »

To put it simply you never see a category on any !!!!!! site labelled 'personality'.

Hate to be rude but that's complete nonsense. You're talking about !!!!!!, not a relationship. Any normal man doesn't want to take a !!!!!! star lookalike home to meet his parents. And if he did, he's hardly the kind of man you'd want to be with surely?

We're all attracted to different people- there's nothing more dull than being attracted to what the media tells you SHOULD find attractive. There are plenty of women I know who aren't considered typically beautiful and attract far more men than I ever could because of their confidence and fun personalities.

As for big not being beautiful, again complete nonsense. I know plenty of good looking men who cannot stand stick thin women, including a particularly sweet one who tells his girlfriend he likes having more of her to hug.

I have already expressed the view that OP needs to lose some weight, as she knows already, for her own health, but the idea that women should look a certain way because men likes it makes me feel a bit sick. If anyone agrees with that logic, obviously you haven't met any decent men yet.

Any

*max* wrote: »

I agree. However, I'm sure the OP is perfectly aware of this, as she was actually already trying to lose the weight before the BF's comments. He *could* have said he was worried about her health, and was really glad she chose to take care of herself by losing the weight, as this will improve the chances of a healthy pregnancy in the future and ultimately their life as a couple.

He didn't say that. He commented on her attractiveness. He said he would leave if she didn't lose weight. He wasn't being supportive and loving, he was putting her down and damaging her self esteem.

I know everyone's different, and the OP may not see it that way (or may be trying to find excuses for him?), but that is my opinion.

I refer you back to one of the previous posts where OP admitted that she was "only playing with the idea of losing weight"

Bitsy_Beans

*max* wrote: »

I agree. However, I'm sure the OP is perfectly aware of this, as she was actually already trying to lose the weight before the BF's comments. He *could* have said he was worried about her health, and was really glad she chose to take care of herself by losing the weight, as this will improve the chances of a healthy pregnancy in the future and ultimately their life as a couple.

He didn't say that. He commented on her attractiveness. He said he would leave if she didn't lose weight. He wasn't being supportive and loving, he was putting her down and damaging her self esteem.

I know everyone's different, and the OP may not see it that way (or may be trying to find excuses for him?), but that is my opinion.

Which is how I read it too.
OK when you read it written down in black and white there's no tone to guide it's meaning so only the OP can say for sure how it was intended.

*max*

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Which is how I read it too.
OK when you read it written down in black and white there's no tone to guide it's meaning so only the OP can say for sure how it was intended.

True. I do hope it all works out OP! All the best.

jojo90_2

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I really think you do a massive disservice to the male species posting carp like that. Thankfully most of the men I know aren't this lame.

I love the way the girls on this thread think they really know what goes on in a guy's brain . Trust me, we are masters of deception when it comes to getting in your knickers .

Put it this way, if you stood any of those guys in front of their long term porky parter, then stood an attractive, slim, pert, and perky girl next to her... then offered him the choice?

KeeeeeeerCHING!!! UPGRADE!!!

blushred2

Any wrote: »

I refer you back to one of the previous posts where OP admitted that she was "only playing with the idea of losing weight"

I've lost nearly a stone from i saw the doc in may, yeah it could have been more. thats what i meant when i said i was playing with dieting.