Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

mrsgibson22

Sweetheart, it sounds to me very much like this guy is putting you down. Yes, i agree, it may be a good idea to lose a little weight for health reasons but it has to be off YOUR back and because YOU want to, otherwise you will only end up falling flat on your face and piling it on again. Trust me, im speaking from experience.

I lost 5 1/2 stone to try to stop my in-laws griefing me about my weight all of the time and in the end, i made myself ill - like, border-lining eating disorder. i would go 4-5 days without eating a morsel and all of his family told me i looked great but inside I was killing myself. But then depression set in from trying to be someone im not, i started comfort-eating and piled the vast majority of my weight back on.

I am all for your man supporting you if YOU want to lose weight but I think it's unfair and cruel for him to push you like that, however good his intentions were. Perhaps he was trying to shock you into losing weight for your own good, but personally, I think you need to make him understand that he has hurt you and that is not his place to tell you how you should or shouldn't look. He should have cared for you from the start for who you are, and not for who he would like you to be. If you want to lose the weight darlin, good on ya and keep your chin up cos it aint easy - but please, do it for the right reasons x

jojo90_2

Good on him I say... better than finding some excuse to split up or just not returning your calls.

We want the girl we spend time with to look good both inside and outside the bedroom. Sure it's superficial but that's how a guys brain works. Despite what the magazines tell you big is not beautiful and its not OK.

Maybe if both parties are overweight it's 'OK'... but I reckon their eyes would wander many times each day and their brains think 'if only....'.

It shortens your life and decreases the quality of that life, it's all your own fault and nobody elses, so make the change for you .

jojo90_2

mrsgibson22 wrote: »

Sweetheart, it sounds to me very much like this guy is putting you down. Yes, i agree, it may be a good idea to lose a little weight for health reasons but it has to be off YOUR back and because YOU want to, otherwise you will only end up falling flat on your face and piling it on again. Trust me, im speaking from experience.

I lost 5 1/2 stone to try to stop my in-laws griefing me about my weight all of the time and in the end, i made myself ill - like, border-lining eating disorder. i would go 4-5 days without eating a morsel and all of his family told me i looked great but inside I was killing myself. But then depression set in from trying to be someone im not, i started comfort-eating and piled the vast majority of my weight back on.

I am all for your man supporting you if YOU want to lose weight but I think it's unfair and cruel for him to push you like that, however good his intentions were. Perhaps he was trying to shock you into losing weight for your own good, but personally, I think you need to make him understand that he has hurt you and that is not his place to tell you how you should or shouldn't look. He should have cared for you from the start for who you are, and not for who he would like you to be. If you want to lose the weight darlin, good on ya and keep your chin up cos it aint easy - but please, do it for the right reasons x

This is what grates me .... 'it's their fault' .... well, not really. You put the food in your mouth after all. If you had chosen to eat 6 meals per day of protein and vegetables, done some weights and cardio 5 times a week, you could have had a more enjoyable experience and long lasting results.

Any

*max* wrote: »

You know you need to lose weight, and you are already trying. Did he not think you knew, that he felt he had to point it out??? He knew you were trying, now all he said will achieve is to make you feel judged and scrutinised while you do it, instead of excited to be making a big change to your life and getting support from the man you love.

Yeeees????

blushred2 wrote: »

I made myself morbidly obese.
yes every single fresh cream bun, chocolate bar, take away meal was consumed by me. And i enjoyed every mouthful.
But it was mostly comfort eating.

Did i comfort eat more, too right i did !!
.
.
.
.
.
.
(completely valid reasons...BUT)

Its only in the last year that i feel like i've come out the other side.

This new guy is so unlike anyone i've ever met.
yes he isn't perfect, because no one is.

i'm hoping his chat was meant as a wake up call.
And we can move forward.

but if not he has done me a favour, i'd only really been playing with the idea of dieting. I want more out of life now.
I do want to be healthy and 2 have a child would bring me such happiness.
And if its with him, that would be wonderful.
but as someone said earlier, happiness is in your self.

And today is the rest of my life.

No sorry, some people just need the little push and I think he was trying to do just that.

As someone else said before... if it was gambling, smoking or beating up everyone would be on the guys side. It suddenly wouldn't be all the "you must love him for who you are, you chosen him like that..."

Devi

Hi,

my (now ex) boyfriend of 7 years told me the same thing once - told me that he no longer found me attractive and would like it if i lost some weight.

We were out eating at a restaurant that day and as you can imagine I was gutted. I thought after 7 years, he should love me for me and not because of my size.

To cut a long story short - I did lose some weight but the relationship fizzled out anyway after another year or so.

I found out recently that he had got married and when I saw his wedding pictures on FB, I saw that his wife was way bigger than I was at the time we were together - it felt as if he had ripped my heart out all over again :mad: and resurfaced the old feelings I had for him - even though I hadn't thought about him for years (and had got married (and separated) myself in that time.

The only person you should lose weight for is yourself and for your own health and personal reasons and not to keep a man happy.

From experience, this is just the start of controlling behaviour.

Incidentally - my (now soon to be ex) husband told me that he would like me to lose weight during our engagement and I told him the wedding was off and he had eyes when he proposed and shouldn't have if my weight bothered him. As it happened the relationship broke down due to his controlling behaviour - the weight issue was the first in a long line of things that weren't right about me.

After breaking the cycle of these these two controlling relationships, I am a much stronger and more confident person - still looking for Mr Right - someone who loves me for me and not because of the way I look (or don't as the case may be).

Any

I would also like to say that I think there is difference of being overweight (ie stone or two) and being told by doctor that one is morbidly obese and chancing ones health.

We are dealing with the latter.

jojo90_2

Devi wrote: »

Hi,

my (now ex) boyfriend of 7 years told me the same thing once - told me that he no longer found me attractive and would like it if i lost some weight.

We were out eating at a restaurant that day and as you can imagine I was gutted. I thought after 7 years, he should love me for me and not because of my size.

To cut a long story short - I did lose some weight but the relationship fizzled out anyway after another year or so.

I found out recently that he had got married and when I saw his wedding pictures on FB, I saw that his wife was way bigger than I was at the time we were together - it felt as if he had ripped my heart out all over again :mad: and resurfaced the old feelings I had for him - even though I hadn't thought about him for years (and had got married (and separated) myself in that time.

The only person you should lose weight for is yourself and for your own health and personal reasons and not to keep a man happy.

From experience, this is just the start of controlling behaviour.

Incidentally - my (now soon to be ex) husband told me that he would like me to lose weight during our engagement and I told him the wedding was off and he had eyes when he proposed and shouldn't have if my weight bothered him. As it happened the relationship broke down due to his controlling behaviour - the weight issue was the first in a long line of things that weren't right about me.

After breaking the cycle of these these two controlling relationships, I am a much stronger and more confident person - still looking for Mr Right - someone who loves me for me and not because of the way I look (or don't as the case may be).

To put it simply you never see a category on any !!!!!! site labelled 'personality'.

emsywoo123

jojo90 wrote: »

To put it simply you never see a category on any !!!!!! site labelled 'personality'.

Ridiculous post. how old are you, 18?

jojo90_2

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Ridiculous post. how old are you, 18?

29, and I think it illustrates the difference between men and women perfectly .

emsywoo123

jojo90 wrote: »

29, and I think it illustrates the difference between men and women perfectly .

You may well have a point. first thing you have said I agree with.

OP, at the end of the day, I think the responses on this thread have shown that basically, it's down to what YOU find acceptable.

I acknowledge he might have had your interests at heart, possibly, not actually convinced.

Either way, they are not comments I could move past, but you have to make that decision for yourself. :T