Think he was just a wee bit 2 honest. ( long, sorry)

nzmegs

Also....exercise is great, but not a big calorie burner. A thirty minute run for example burns a maximum of 400 calories. You need to diet as well. Count calories and stick to around 1500 a day. or try a diet club - they really do work as the support from fellow members is brilliant.

pantherblackfocus

What happens if you lose the weight, have kids then put some/a lot of weight back on. Is he going to dump you then ?

con_fused

I think whatever happens, you have to make a decision for YOU and nobody else. Sounds harsh of him to say if you didn't lose the weight he wouldn't stay with you - can he not accept you for who you are? He said he liked you for your personality so unless that has changed I don't see why he suddenly has a problem?

But obviously there is the health issue but make sure you do this for you and nobody else. Don't change for fear of losing him because if he loves you he will stick by you, however you look.

x

balletshoes

blushred2 wrote: »

He knows that i am trying to loose weight, as i've recently booked some sessions with a personal trainer. And my increased walking etc

We had talked about children, and with me and my family history i went to the doc's for advice. The doc said big risks but to loose as much weight as possible to be in as healthy a shape for a pregnancy.


I keep thinking i must be repulsive to him now..
and no he definitely did not say that.
just my head running away with me.

i'm hoping its a case of time is moving on and he wants to give me the impetus to succeed.

I will be checking with him, to clarify some details. He normally is a really nice guy.

No, thats such a shame to feel this way, because of what he said. However, if thats what his words have made you feel, how can that be helpful to your losing weight and getting healthier? If I felt that way about what my partner had said to me, I'd have to question if this was the right person to be with at this time in my life, he might have meant to be supportive and just got his words wrong, but he didn't do a very good job if you now feel that you must be repulsive to him.

He may have meant well, and is concerned for your health and your future/children together, but if his words are making you feel bad about yourself, you need to tell him this, and ask him what he meant by his words.

paddy's_mum

Perhaps the very fact that he was prepared to damage the relationship or lose you by saying such a hurtful thing is the absolute proof of how concerned he is for you and your welfare.

Fuzzy_Duck

I think he was blunt and tactless, but I don't think he meant it to sound that way. Nevertheless, you want to be losing weight for YOUR sake, not his. It sounds to me like you have been trying very hard to lose weight, but you need support to achieve this, not threats. Explain this to him and see what he says. If he stands by his comments maybe he's not such a great guy after all, but hopefully he will be mortified by what he said and didn't realise how harsh it sounded. Maybe he only said it because he was worried about you and thought it was the only way to help you lose weight- in which case he's still totally wrong but at least he had good intentions.

You already know from him you're kind and attractive, and there are plenty of men out there who like a curvy woman. Nevertheless you know you need to lose some weight to be healthy and improve your chances of having kids, so don't let his comments get you down and lead you to comfort eating. Stay strong and do this for you, not for him. Sending hugs your way.

sueeve

Menat well but did it badly. No doubt fuelled by drink.
I am well overweight and my husband of over 40 years have never mentioned it to me. I wish he would, then I might have some incentive to do something about it. He is skinny.

Kate78

Yes you do need to lose some weight - 16 stone or however much this guy weighs.

Seriously, romantic relationships are meant to make you feel better not worse!

CG77

Hi OP,

Having been heavier than you only a few months ago (see my sig), and deciding to do something about it after 5 years or so at that weight (and 15 or so of being 'obese' but trying and failing countless times during that time!), I can only echo what others have said which is that you will fail if you don't do it for YOU. You need to come to the conclusion that you need to lose weight yourself, or it will be half-hearted and you will probably lose a few pounds, then put them back on and more besides. I'm speaking from experience here.

With regards to your OH, I can't help but wonder what he was actually trying to say there. My husband met me when I was a size 16, married me when I was a size 14 (after a faddy weight-loss), and loved me at a size 20. He never once ever said anything about my weight, but supported me every single time I tried to lose a bit, and is now over the moon at how happy I am (not how good I look!!). We haven't been able to have children (we might try again now I'm managing to shed the weight though!), and I know it is down to my unhealthiness, but he has never, ever pushed that fact and made me feel bad. He married me for me, and loves me for me.

In my opinion it is one thing for your OH to talk to you quietly about how he's worried about your health and that he loves you so much that he's worried he might lose you etc, but quite another to go so far as to say he will leave you if you don't change...I have to say it does make me wonder how he feels about you, but you know him and your post is all I have to go off of course.

I wish you luck with it all, whatever you decide to do (both about your relationship and your weight), and if YOU come to the conclusion that YOU want to change for YOU and YOUR health, then feel free to PM me and I'd happily be your virtual 'weight-loss buddy'-it can be a real help!

Take care,

CG. x

NAR

blushred you have been told by your Doc to lose weight, which presumably you have shared with b/f? He has not seen any change in 6 months - in your own words you comfort eat and are therefore not really making any effort. Sorry to be blunt but thats the facts.

Dutch courage or not b/f was being honest with you, he wants you to lose weight. Ulimatum was somewhat OTT, but perhaps this is what is needed to make you actually take steps to lose the weight?